Mindset Matters: Stop making excuses, get your stress under control and start living your happy, peaceful life

Mindset Matters: Stop making excuses, get your stress under control and start living your happy, peaceful life

It’s a very rainy Monday here in beautiful Charleston, South Carolina.  And honestly, having an upbeat mindset can be a challenge for me on these gray days!  Being from San Diego, California I am definitely a sunshine person.  Yet, I have learned to make a peaceful living day even if it’s gray.  I’m cuddled up in my bed, the fireplace is on, I have my fuzzy socks on and my kitty is dozing at my feet.  So I say, “let it rain because I feel warm and snuggy & peaceful!”

 

But, what about those days that are emotionally gray?  Are you rushing through life feeling like you are in a gray haze sometimes?  Can you find a way to feel peace and joy on those emotionally gray days? I know, sometimes that gray haze of stress just weighs us down.  Some days it’s all we can do to make it through each day.  I’ve been there! I know what it’s like to spend most of my moments wishing that each part of my day would just hurry up and happen so that I can get home and into bed.

 

THE GOOD NEWS

 

The good news is, you do not have to live that way!  You can get your stress under control and start living each moment as if you don’t want that moment to pass because you are enjoying it so much!

 

You CAN live a happy, peaceful life!

 

Again, I know because I have been there.  Here is the formula I use:

HAPPY DAYS = I embrace them with gratitude!

GRAY DAYS = I stay in each moment and detach from the overall feeling of the day.

And you can do this too!

You can live a peaceful, joy-filled life, in spite of the gray days!

 

BUT, YOU HAVE TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES!

 

Here are some of the top excuses I hear:

 

  • My job is so stressful that I can’t do anything about my stress.
  • My spouse/ partner makes me so unhappy I can’t do anything about my stress.
  • My kids’ schedule is so busy that I can’t do anything about my stress.
  • I am so busy that I can’t do anything about my stress.
  • I have health problems, and I don’t feel good, so I can’t do anything about my stress.

 

Here is what one of my favorite authors, Jack Canfield, has to say about those types of excuses:

  • You are 100% responsible for your life!
  • You can decide to make an excuse and live with your stress and unhappiness.
  • Or, you can adjust your response to life’s events and take responsibility for a different outcome.
  • Event + Response = OUTCOME

 

You are 100% responsible for your life! ~ Jack Canfield

 

On first read, this can sound very harsh. But, I promise you it’s not.  I’m not saying that very hard, challenging things don’t have an effect on us as human beings. I’m not saying that your job isn’t stressful, that your relationship isn’t hurting or that your kids’ schedules are not overwhelming. What I am saying is that through taking responsibility for yourself – how you think, how you care for yourself, what choices you make, HOW YOU RESPOND to life’s challenging events – you absolutely can have a peaceful, joy-filled life, irrespective of your circumstances!

At this point you may be asking: But, how do I do that Jen?

You need to figure that out for yourself, or even better, with a coach, friend or therapist!  It’s about YOU taking responsibility for YOU!  But, here are a few examples to go along with the “excuses” I mentioned above:

Excuse 1: “My job is so stressful…”

  • First, make a list of the things you like about your job.
    • Write out and say why you are grateful for these things.
  • Second, make a list of the things that are stressful about your job.
    • Problem-solve to find ways to alleviate the stress. Bring in a trusted friend, family member, coach or therapist to help you with this if you need.
  • If you just cannot find a way to solve the problems look for another job or way of making money – i.e. entrepreneurship, an online business, even driving for Uber.

 

Excuse 2: “My spouse/ partner makes me so unhappy…”

  • First, realize that you cannot control another person. You can only control yourself.
  • Second, work on yourself and your own happiness. You may be pleasantly surprised that when you change your way of being, your spouse starts to change as well.
  • Third, seek counseling!
  • Fourth, figure out what each of you needs in the relationship and then start filling those needs for your partner. Again, you may be surprised at how your partner will respond by filling your needs.
  • And while doing all of these things, communicate mindfully! Mindful communication makes all the difference.

 

Excuse 3: “My kids’ schedule is so busy…”

  • This one is easy! Give both yourself and your kids a break and unscheduled them!
    • Only allow them one sport or activity at a time.
    • If the travel team is eating your time, have your kids play club sports instead. They will survive!
  • If you are one of those parents who just won’t lessen your kids’ sports and activities, then at the very least, find a carpool.

 

Excuse 4: “I am so busy…”

 

Excuse 5: “I have health problems…”

  • This is definitely one of the more difficult situations. Poor health and chronic pain are very hard to live with. But, it can be done.
  • Know that you will need to live differently than you have in the past.
  • Take exceptionally good care of yourself, both physically and emotionally.
  • Ask for and be open to receiving help.
  • Be mindfully accepting of your new normal.
  • Find gratitude in the little things

 

THE BAD NEWS

The bad news is that if you don’t get your stress under control you are at risk of many stress-related diseases: heart disease; stroke; diabetes ; certain cancers;  thyroid conditions ; the list goes on and on!

BACK TO THE GOOD NEWS

You can take small steps to lower the level of chronic stress in your life.

You do not have to live with chronic stress or the dis-ease it brings.

Changing your mindset and giving up your excuses is the first step!

Stick with me! I have lots of tips, techniques, motivation, inspiration & encouragement for you!

Would you like some of that?

Love & Light Y’all!

Jen

MINDSET MATTERS: Breaking Busy ~ The Art of Stress Management Through Slowing Down

MINDSET MATTERS: Breaking Busy ~ The Art of Stress Management Through Slowing Down

 

I don’t care how busy I am I will always make time for what’s important to me.

~ Kevin Hart

 

My Dear Friends,

I am writing this blog as a letter to you ~ a love letter, if you will allow me to say that ~ because I want you to read it as if I am speaking to you as someone who cares deeply about you.  Because I do! Even if we’ve never met. Because you are a human being, I care deeply about you!  I am worried that you are so busy you are not enjoying life!

I am increasingly having the feeling that society is suffering from an epidemic of being busy!

Now, don’t get me wrong, in general I don’t have a problem with people being busy. But, I’m seeing that Americans in particular are taking the idea of busy to new levels.  As an American, I would like to proudly say that we are a high-achieving people. The problem is that our high-achieving nature is making us ill!

Okay – I know I lost some of you there… but, stick with me.  I’m NOT saying that having high standards of achievement is making us ill. What I AM saying is that breakneck pace at which we go after those high standards of achievement is making us ill.

Additionally, many of my friends and neighbors are achieving high standards of being busy just for the sake of being busy. On this score I want to share three crucial points of wisdom:

  • BUSY is not necessarily PRODUCTIVE!
  • Taking time for SELF-CARE is NOT lazy!
  • Being too busy = STRESS = ILLNESS

I chose the Kevin Hart quote at the top of this post because in it he talks about making time for what is important.  My question for you, my dear, sweet friend, is:

“Are you important?”

 Are you important enough to yourself that you will take time out of your busy schedule for self-nurture???

 

WHO COMES FIRST?

          I wrote an earlier blog for moms Want To Be a Supermom? Take Good Care of Yourself! about how to use the airline analogy of putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. The airlines want you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first (in case of emergency) so that you don’t pass out before you can put the oxygen on your children and others who need help. Likewise, if a mom allows herself some self-care, it helps her to be a better mom because she’s not exhausted and stressed-out.

Honestly, this analogy is important for anyone who has a care-taking role for others. Whether you are a teacher, a nurse, a manager, a parent, an adult child who  cares for an elderly parent, etc. etc. you NEED to take care of yourself first!

That does not mean that you are going to the spa or the golf-course every weekend in lieu of taking your kids to baseball or gymnastics.  It means that you CAN take an amount of time that you specify (and perhaps work out with your spouse or partner if need be) for self-care on a daily, weekly, monthly and even yearly basis.

Give yourself a little care first and you will be able to give others a lot of care on a regular basis!

 Here’s an exercise for you to try out. Make a list of things you can do for your self-care:

I’ll get you started with ideas

  • Go to yoga and/ or take a walk or leisurely bike ride 1x to 3x per week.
  • Play golf or tennis or engage in another activity with friends 1x per week.
  • Have a “date night” with your spouse 1x week.
  • Have a night out with friends 1x to 2x per month.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • ___________________________________________________________

Keep the list going!

 

TAKE A DAILY TIME INVENTORY

Another good way to figure out how to break busy is to take a look at how you spend your time. One of the very first sessions I do with my Peaceful Living Wellness coaching clients is to have them write out a detailed list of what they do with their time. I have them complete one list for weekdays and one for weekends.  It helps us figure out how they are spending their time AND if the way they are spending their time is serving them.

Here are some things that I found when I did this exercise myself:

  • I was spending so much time volunteering for my kids’ schools and organizations that it was almost a full-time job! Volunteering is a wonderful thing & it absolutely feeds my soul to help others in that way. But, volunteering so much that I was not taking care of myself or my business was causing a problem!
  • I was spending a lot of time vegging out in front of the television in the morning and in the evening. Vegging out in front of the TV is something that can actually be good for you in small doses. 30 minutes to an hour to give your brain a break is really okay. But, how I was watching the morning news and starting my day with negativity and noise was not a good choice. And for those of you who veg out for several hours in front of the TV every night, it’s really not serving you as well as reading or listening to something enriching, meditating, doing yoga, cuddling with &/ or reading to your kiddos, etc. will.
  • I was allowing myself to fall down the rabbit hole of SOCIAL MEDIA for too many hours. Even though my social media use was often sporadic ~ 10 minutes here, 15 minutes there ~ when I completed my detailed inventory it ended up being a lot of hours over the course of the day and the week! Again, social media is something that can serve us well. For business-owners it’s a must. For others, the social connection is very uplifting. But, when your time spent on social media adds up, when it gives you FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), when it makes you feel bad about yourself because you are comparing your life to the lives of others, or when it is exposing you to the negativity of others, it is NOT serving you well.

What I found for myself, and what my clients find, after doing this exercise, is that there is a lot of time we all waste on things that are not helping to make us happier healthier people!

Use this exercise to help you figure out what you are doing that is NOT contributing to your feeling relaxed and happy.

 

TRY TO DO THIS! NOT THAT!

  • Spend 10 – 15 minutes meditating by cutting 10 – 15 minutes off your social media time.
  • Spend an hour-and-half weekly going to yoga by carpooling for your kids’ soccer, gymnastics, etc. etc.
  • Spend an hour reading (or listening to a good book) by cutting out an hour of TV time.
  • Spend an hour taking a warm, relaxing bath at night by asking your partner to do the dishes and/ or put the kids to bed. Trade off nights with this if need be.

You get the picture! Fill in your own ideas. Once you get going I bet you will find that there are a ton of DO THIS ideas on your list!

 

Go to it Peaceful Living Warriors! Find your inner peace and healthy life by BREAKING BUSY!  I know you can do it! And if you need support in your quest to Break Busy, reach out to me! We can schedule a breakthrough coaching session in which I can support and motivate you! I’m here for you friend.

Love & Light,

Jen

Want more easy, helpful tips on how to break busy? Check out my blog “Are You Addicted to Being Busy?”

Want daily inspirations, support, motivation and an awesome peaceful living community? Join my Free Facebook Group “Empowered Through Peace”

Did you come across this blog on Social Media? Would you like more weekly inspirational blogs? Subscribe to my email list & you will receive a weekly email with my blog and special Peaceful Living announcements and information! PLUS you will receive a beautiful printable with my 5 Top Tips for Peaceful Living!

Did you enjoy the blog?

Leave a comment & Share with others!

 

Finding Cherries in a World That Can Seem Like the Pits 3: Our Crazy World

Finding Cherries in a World That Can Seem Like the Pits 3: Our Crazy World

I’ll be honest with you. This one is tough for me sometimes. One of the things I’m grateful for in respect to having given-up my academic career is that I don’t have to constantly stay aware of everything that’s going on in politics (my former career was as a lecturer in political science and legal sociology). That said, I still think it’s important to be an informed citizen, so I do keep up on most current events. And yes, that is really frustrating and sometimes overwhelmingly sad.

Here in the United States we are in the aftermath of yet another mass shooting and tragic loss of lives.  Manh of our local schools here in Charleston, South Carolina (including our neighborhood schools where my children and my teen clients attend) were put on lockdown last week because of shooting and bomb threats to the schools. The kids were scared and feeling very out of control of their own safety.

Tips for Keeping Your Peace of Mind

1. Try to follow negative news with some positive news.

There are actually lots of really cool things going on and good people doing good things in the world today. Okay, I admit sometimes I just go to Buzzfeed and look at the funny cat videos but, there are some really good “Good News” sites out there!!

Just google “good news stories” and you’ll find tons of websites that cover only uplifting and positive news stories. Try to find some that you like. One of my favs is Huffingtonpost.com/good-news.

2. Make sure you don’t go to bed after having just watched negative news.  

Try to read a fun book, watch a funny show, or have an affirming conversation with your partner before you lay your head down. And if you do lay down and find your mind full of stressful or disturbing images, try to bring in happy and uplifting images instead.

I was telling one of my friends the other day how her posts on Facebook helped me get some disturbing images out of my mind. She posts pictures from the farm animal rescue she runs and pictures of her two sweet boys having fun. This weekend she posted pictures of her boys delivering toys to a toy drive for homeless children. Having those images to concentrate on helped me to calm my mind and drift off to sleep.

3. Be in a place of gratitude.

Sometimes this is easier said than done, but even if you’re feeling really down and overwhelmed, I bet you can find something to be grateful for. The roof over your head, the green grass, maybe it’s a flower growing between the cracks of a sidewalk. Maybe, it’s merely your two feet on the ground. Finding something small to be grateful for will raise your happy hormones and help you to feel better a little bit at a time.

On that note, I am truly grateful for all those who have loved and supported me in my business and my life over these past few years! And I am grateful for those of you post and respond to my blogs. The blogs truly are meant to be conversation starters AND HOPEFULLY they will help us to create a community dedicated to supporting one-another in health, happiness and peaceful living.

What tips and strategies do you have to share with us for finding the cherries among the pits?

Do you have any particular “pits” that I or the community can help you find your cherries for?

Next Week ~ join me for my travel-blog journey to Jekyll Island, Georgia! What a beautiful place for a solitary or couples getaway!

Love & Light,

Jen

Are you Addicted to being busy?

Are you Addicted to being busy?

Are you Addicted to being busy?

Last week I started talking about how to stay in your peaceful living frame-of-mind when it seems like your world is full of stress and negativity.  Last week’s blog, the first in Finding Cherries series discussed how to use boundaries and mindful communication to bring more peace to any friendship you have with people who are negative. This week, I am talking about how to use boundaries and prioritization to bring more peace into your busy life.

That Stressful Life

Life gets so hectic sometimes – The joy in life can be severely dampened by an overwhelming sense of being busy: too many things to get done, too many people making demands, too much traffic on the road, etc.  I know from experience that there are some strategies that help.

Here are a few to try:

1. Take a moment to step back and look at your to-do list.

Decide if the things on the list really need to get done right now or if they even need to be done at all. Some of this will be prioritizing based upon your values. For example, I have contact with more friends now than ever before – thank you Facebook!

Let’s take holiday cards for example. I get fewer holiday cards than I did in the past. And truthfully, I just don’t send them out either. I stay in touch on a more regular basis AND I just don’t have time to get cards out around the holidays because there are other things I have to do, like the Winter Spectacular at my kids’ school and two Brownie Christmas parties, etc.

2. Prioritize your to-do list and only actually do those things that you must.

Go to work, feed the kids, take care of yourself!… or that have true meaning to you. If you hate to shop, shop online and do grocery pick-up. If you love going out with your friends, go to one or more outings each month.

Everything else, say goodbye to it. You don’t need to do it all! And don’t forget, your kids will be just fine if you miss a game or a dance practice once-a-month to spend time with your friends! And so will your husband! 🙂

3. Stay in the moment.

As Thich Nhat Hanh says, “happiness can be found in every moment.” With this in mind, if you can stay focused on exactly what you’re doing, when you’re doing it, you find that the stress of “everything else” falls away.

So while you’re at the Cub Scout campout, be there and enjoy the fun the kids are having. Don’t worry about what you’re going to serve for your family for dinner for the next week.

4. Plan Ahead

One thing I’ve found that helps me to stay in the moment is to plan ahead. I use a “success schedule” to keep myself aware not only of what I need to do, but also when I need to do it.  

A weekly plan with blocked periods of time truly helps me make sure that I get where I need to get when I need to get there, that I work on the things I need to work on when it’s time to work on them, that I have time with my family and that I have time for myself. The “success schedule” allows me to savor each moment as I’m in it.

5. Find the blessings in the little things.

I was talking to my friend and client one day about Christmas and how her kids don’t act very grateful during the holiday season. But then she told me a story about how one of her sons is required by his school to write in a journal to his parents every week. At one point he wrote to his mom about how he does really understand that the season is not just about getting presents. He talked about how he loves Christmas because he gets to be with family and that he understands the religious parts of the holiday as well. What really touched me was that he wrote this journal entry as a letter to his mom so that she can understand how he is feeling inside. She said that he would never have said those things out loud to her.

What a true blessing that journal entry was! Find the little things that make life special. Try to catch people doing the right thing! And, pay special attention to it when they do.

Do you need to slow down and enjoy life a little more?

What do you need to cut out that is not serving your peaceful living?

Stay tuned for next week’s installment in the Finding Cherries series: How To Stay Peaceful in Our Crazy Mixed-Up World.

Love & Light!

Jen

 

Building Your Support Tribe

Building Your Support Tribe

Having a supportive community around us is one of the best things we can do to build resilience and reduce our stress levels!

I want to direct you to focus in on the word “supportive.”  What I refer to as a Peaceful Living Community is not made-up of a bunch of people who are just in our lives. A Peaceful Living Community is a support tribe; it is made up of people to whom you can turn in both happy and sad times and they are able to turn to you for support as well.

A few weeks ago I wrote about a metaphor that I like to use to explain what kinds of people belong in our support tribe: Grocery store people and hardware store people. Grocery store people are the people you turn to and find the support you need. Hardware store people are people who are not emotionally available to support you.

AREN’T OUR FAMILIES OUR SUPPORT TRIBE?

Many people are lucky enough to have parents or other family members who are the center or strong part of their support tribes.  Find the people in your family who are positive, uplifting and nonjudgmental. Those are the people you want as part of your peaceful living community.

 Just because someone is related to us does not mean that they are a grocery store person! Our parents, by their very role as parents “should” be our grocery stores, at least until we are adults. However, there are just some parents who are not emotionally supportive. This is especially hard as children because we don’t have many options to turn to but as adults it is up to us to find other people to fill our emotional needs. If you know of a child who does not have parents to fill their emotional needs, maybe you can be that person for them.

Even if you are a person who has a great family, it is still very important to have others in your community. Reach out using the suggestions from my “The Importance of Community” blog or come up with your own. A diverse support tribe is optimal – family, partner, coach/ therapist/ pastor, and friends – make up the strongest community but we can find support from all kinds of people in our lives.

WHEN “I DO” BECOMES “I DON’T”

Aren’t our spouses or romantic partners supposed to be our primary emotional support systems? Similar to our parents, technically, “yes.” And yet, sometimes they just are not. Perhaps they are going through an emotional downturn themselves or maybe they do not want to be a grocery store.  At this point, as the person who needs emotional support we need to ask ourselves a few things:

  •         Are my emotional needs constant and perhaps overbearing?
  •         Do I have stress-management techniques in place to help me cope with my emotional needs?
  •         Do I have others to turn to besides my spouse or partner to help fill my emotional needs?
  •         Does my spouse or partner give me some emotional support, but it is just not enough?
EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Answering these questions honestly is very important. If you are a person who is very emotionally needy, for whatever reason, that is okay. But, it may be too much to ask of one person to fulfill all of those needs. If your emotional neediness comes from a place of insecurity, overwhelm or past trauma you may want to seek out a trained coach or therapist who can help you heal. You can ask your spouse or partner to support you in that endeavor, but be aware of asking him or her to be your sole emotional support system.

STRESS MANAGEMENT     

We all have stress. A spouse or partner can be a good person to go to when we need support in processing our everyday stress. However, your partner is not responsible for being your only source of stress management. Make sure you are exercising, sleeping well, eating healthy food, and using mindfulness techniques.  If your stress is overwhelming, seek the guidance of a trained coach or therapist who can help you feel emotionally more fulfilled and relaxed.

SUPPORT SYSTEM

Supportive friends and relatives, spiritual leaders, support groups, therapists and coaches are all appropriate “grocery stores” to go to in addition to your partner or spouse when you need your emotional needs met. It is particularly important to have a widespread net when you have a lot of need. And remember, there are times in our lives that WE ALL have an overwhelming amount of emotional need! 

IS IT JUST NOT ENOUGH? 

This one can take a deeper thought process. If you are not terribly needy, and your spouse is not even meeting your basic emotional needs, you are definitely in the hardware store! If you are getting your emotional support from other people and places, but your partner is still not meeting your emotional needs, you are most likely also in the hardware store. Or you are probably at least in the parking lot!

This is where mindful communication techniques about your feelings can be invoked to help your partner understand that your emotional needs are not being met. Stay tuned for a future posting about mindful communication! If you do find yourself in the hardware store with your spouse or partner it may be time to seek the guidance and support of a relationship coach or couples therapist. Trained professionals are skilled at bringing couples back together to a place of emotional intimacy and support.

FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES

There are some of us who pick and choose our friends very carefully. Then there are some of us who embrace almost everyone they meet as friends. This is an area in which asking yourself some questions will help you understand how to build the best tribe for you:

  •         Are you a person who needs deep connection with just one or two people?
  •         Or do you prefer to have more people in your circle so you are not too dependent on just one or two people?

Both of these scenarios can be conducive to building your support system. But, they also can both be detrimental if not approached with caution.

Let’s take a look at the first scenario. Having people that you can implicitly trust and respond to gives us a sense of strong emotional security since deep connection is very important to us as human beings.  This is a positive side of having just one or two good friends.  The negative side of this is if for some reason those people are no longer a part of your life, you can be left alone and wanting.  If you are this kind of person you are well-served by having others in your support tribe: Family, partners, a therapist or coach, new friends you’re growing closer to, etc. 

On the other side of the coin, if you are a lots of friends person you may feel like you have a very strong support tribe but after deeper examination you assess if your tribe is only giving you shallow support. If you have so many people in your tribe that you do not have time to connect deeply with any of them, you are missing out on that essential element of human connection – deep intimacy.  You may also find that you are spread too thin trying to “be there” for all of your friends that your emotional well runs dry trying to tend to all of their needs.

The key to having a strong, emotional support tribe of friends is BALANCE.

Try to have more than just one or two close friends, but don’t spread yourself too thin.  It is okay to have people in your life who are acquaintances, but not friends. You are friendly with them but they are not the people who you spend time with on a regular basis. They are not the people you turn to in your times of need or people who have a valued place in your Peaceful Living Community.

Who makes up your support tribe?  Do you have a good balance?

I welcome your thoughts, questions and any value you want to add to my blog! You all are amazing, bright shining lights!

And I’m grateful for your shares and follows on Facebook @peacefullivingwellness & Instagram @peacelifecoach

Love & Light,

JEN

How community creates a peaceful life.

How community creates a peaceful life.

The month of February is all about hearts and flowers and romance! In the spirit of the month of St. Valentine all of my blog entries will be about relationships.  

Not only romantic relationships! I will also talk about friendship and family relationships.  

How to reduce stress

Ask any of us stress-relief gurus about how to reduce stress, and the word community is bound to come up.

Having a supportive community around is us one of the most important things we can do for both our emotional and physical health.  Yet, for some of us, finding that community can be really difficult.

I am going to save the dynamics of relationships for the next blog installment How to Build Your Emotional Support Tribe.  For this installment, I am going to focus on why building community is so important for your emotional health AND talk about the different people and places you can go to find the members of your support tribe.

In an earlier blog installment, Supportive Friends, I talked about why having friends is so important for our health. The following research findings help us to understand this:

  • Loneliness is one of the leading causes of depression.  Having people to reach out to when in need is one of the most important interventions for depression. Source
  • Having a social support system is one of the most important factors in reducing both symptoms and mortality in myriad diseases such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, hypertension, arthritis, and emphysema.  Source
  • Having positive interactions with other human beings raises the levels of our happy hormones and thus promotes both emotional and physical wellbeing. Source
  • According to Emiliana Simon-Thomas of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, “Human beings are an  ultra-social species and our nervous systems expect to have others around us.” Source
  • Even healthy, happy people need to be around other people! Recent neuroscience research suggests that the human brain and neuro-system work better when we are around and interacting with other humans. Source

The many places we can find social support

As a home-based entrepreneur, I can tell you that life can get pretty isolated and lonely without the camaraderie of an employee-filled workplace! Believe me, as a Work At Home Mom (WAHM) and the friend of many Stay At Home Moms (SAHMs), interacting with children as your primary humans is not enough! 😉

Our families can definitely be support systems for us. Our friends, especially a treasured “best friend” are also important social support systems.

It’s important to remember that we should not put all of our support eggs in one basket.

Our families and treasured “best friends” are not around 100% of the time.  I have seen this happen many times both in my own life and through my clients’ stories. I will speak more to this subject in the next blog.

For now, let’s talk about how to spread the wealth of our social support system!  Here are some examples of how to branch out:

  • A coach or therapist are trained professionals who will guide you and support you when you have emotional needs.
  • A spiritual leader is a wonderful person to turn to when we need emotional support.
  • A spiritual group of like-minded people is also a good place to find comfort and camaraderie. Churches, temples, or spiritual centers, in general, can provide some of this support.  I recommend joining a smaller group within the larger spiritual center. Bible studies, meditation groups, moms groups, and helping hands groups all provide a smaller environment in which to make closer friends.
  • An interest group of friends provides a social network and is usually centered around something that all of the people like to do. Examples of interest groups are book groups, movie & dinner groups, hiking groups, etc. etc.  These are good for both extroverts and people who are more introverted to find friends because there is always something going on at the same time as the social interaction.
  • A casual sports team is another good way to gain a wider-spread social group. Just like the interest group, it is a good place for people who are a little more introverted to find friends because they have a common interest with the people, which gives them a topic of conversation. Just make sure to go out for pizza after you play! And even if you are not athletic you can often still find something fun and easy to do. I have friends that play recreational kickball! And yes, they are adults!
  • And finally, your workspace is often a good place to make friends. Use caution when associating with workplace friends though. Make sure that the conversation does not turn into complaint sessions about the workplace or gossip sessions about coworkers. That type of conversation can have very negative consequences and end-up causing you more stress in the long run.
  • And what about us WAHMs and SAHMs? Co-working in a center for entrepreneurs is a great way to get out of your home alone work syndrome! And of course, networking groups and all of the above-mentioned spiritual and social opportunities. SAHMs & SAHDs there are lots of playgroups around if you have little ones at home! Find one that is a good fit for you and make it a habit to go. It is good for you and for your kiddos to socialize.

You may be thinking to yourself, “those are all great suggestions Jen, but where do I find social groups and teams to join?”  That actually is getting easier and easier these days!

Try Meetup or your local YMCA or Parks & Recreation Center. Local public libraries host book groups for adults and story hour for kiddos. Also, check into local group play areas for mommy/daddy & me groups!

Get out & Enjoy! Spread the beauty of who you are with others and let them share their friendship and support with you!

Please share your ideas on how to grow your social support network! Peaceful Living Wellness is a community ~ I love to hear your ideas, wisdom, and insights!

Don’t forget, if you would like to have a coach as part of your support system, just reach out and we can schedule a consultation!

Love & Light,

Jen

 

Pin It on Pinterest