How Travel Changes Our Perspective

How Travel Changes Our Perspective

When we travel our perspectives change.

Have you ever visited somewhere new?

Some place completely different than where you live?

Do you notice how your perspective may shift, if only just a little?

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Dear Chronic Worrier

Dear Chronic Worrier

Dear Chronic Worrier,

 

It’s time for another one of my “love letters” to the world.  I’ve written love letters before about giving up one’s addiction to being busy and making sure you put the oxygen mask on yourself first .  This love letter is written in the same vein.  Just like being busy all of the time has harmful effects on your health, so does chronic worry.  

I have lived my entire life with a woman who is a self-admitted chronic worrier. Hi Mom ☺   I tease her that her love language is worry.

While I can be more lighthearted about it now, that was not really the case when I was growing up. My mom’s worrying about everything takes its toll not only on her, but on those around her as well.

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The Days Of Financial Envy Are Over

The Days Of Financial Envy Are Over

“Financial envy can be the cause of a lifetime of debt and unhappiness.” Erin Aultman

How often do you hear about “keeping up with the Joneses”? Are you guilty of doing this yourself? This is an unhealthy way to live and it has to stop!

I can remember when I was young and feeling bad because one of, or all of my friends, had the most popular pair of shoes. And, if I’m being honest, up until about ten years ago, sometimes those same feelings would come over me when one of my friends was on a really nice vacation and I didn’t have the resources to take such a luxurious trip. Then I’d start to feel frustrated and angry with myself and the universe because I am not living my dream life and it seems like everyone around me is having the time of their lives. It feels awful and it is unhealthy to think like this because I know that I can have anything and everything that I want, I just need to change my mindset.

With the increasing popularity of social media, celebrity magazines, and reality TV, it has become so easy to get sucked into making comparisons. But this is not a good way to spend your time for several reasons:

When you compare everything you know about yourself to what you see of someone else, it is not a fair comparison because you are only seeing what others choose to let you see. For example: do you know how your neighbors are paying for that nice cruise they take every year during the holidays? They could be putting it all on a credit card and putting themselves further and further into debt. Meanwhile, you are focused on paying off your car so that you do not have car payments and can afford to take a nice trip in another year or two.

Not all financial goals are created equally. Some of us prefer to drive a new car and trade ours in each year. Some of us would rather not have a car payment for the rest of our lives, so we pay off our vehicles and drive that baby until it no longer runs. Some of us would rather rent a home so we don’t have all the responsibilities that come with buying our own home. This does not mean one of us is wrong and one of us is right, it just means we have different priorities. What is important is how we feel about our own current financial situation, and if you aren’t happy with yours, you need to be aware of some of these comparisons you might be making so that you can recognize them when you are doing it and check yourself.

Financial envy can be the cause of a lifetime of debt and unhappiness. When you fall victim to financial envy you are going to find it very hard to be satisfied with your financial situation.

We must choose happiness over the battle to keep up by creating attainable goals for ourselves and compare ourselves to our own goals. Then we celebrate our wins and update our goals as we reach them.

Action step: Stop with the comparisons already, financial envy does not look good on anyone.

Pay attention to how you feel when you recognize some financial envy creeping up on you the next time your BFF buys the newest model of the iPhone and change your thoughts around it. Be happy for them and remember that those are not your financial goals. You are working on your relationship with money and having a new iPhone isn’t in your budget right now. The phone you have works perfectly for your current situation. Then pat yourself on the back because you are one step closer to finding financial peace.

If you are comfortable with sharing, comment below about a time when you have had financial envy and tell us how it made you feel. There is no judgment here, we are all working together to improve our money mindset and I guarantee you are not the only one here who is guilty of feeling like this at some point or another. What is important is recognizing it and working to change it so that you feel better about your current situation. If you are not comfortable sharing, that is ok too, just be sure to take inventory of it for yourself so that you can work on fixing it.

 


Erin Aultman

A financial transformation specialist who partners with women to transform their money mindset and help them create a love affair with money that will make anyone jealous! Erin has a Masters of Science in Accountancy and has studied money mindset, as it relates to us individually and in our businesses, and the taxes that we pay, for over a decade.

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Living Through Grief – A True Story Of The Process.

Living Through Grief – A True Story Of The Process.

“I have found that mindfulness, self-acceptance and meditation have given my daughter and I the strength we needed to get through the darkest of days and emerge blinking into this new life we have found ourselves in.” -Liane Richardson

It wasn’t until my recent experience with the death of my late partner, that I really realized the true darkness and pervasiveness of grief. It was if a light had been extinguished, the raw fear of realising that your life, complete with all the hopes and dreams you had together, was over. The support that I had so often taken for granted, gone in the blink of an eye. It has been fifteen months since his death, and I marvel at how resilient our daughter and I have been, faced with the lack of his physical presence in our life. It’s no time at all really, not in the grand scheme of things, but it sometimes feels that he has been gone forever. We have overcome all the major milestones for the first time and the rawness of our loss is fading.

 

There isn’t a one size fits all aspect to grief. In fact, it is quite a selfish emotion, we grieve for the loss of something or someone in our life, be it a person, a pet or a lifestyle. As such it is something that can overwhelm and, if we let it, consume us. That said, it is perfectly normal to grieve, and there isn’t a time limit, however, don’t let it be the sole focus of your life. Life comes at us pretty fast nowadays and change is something the majority of people shy away from. No-one chooses to wallow in grief, it really isn’t healthy, BUT it is an essential part of the process of momentous change after a loss.

 

I did a lot of research on grief and the grieving process after his death, especially trying to find a way to help our daughter live with her loss. Children deal with loss completely differently to us adults, my daughter needed to be with friends, to do normal things, not be whispered around or treated differently. Which was just as well because I nearly fell apart! It is true that one really finds out who your real friends are when the chips are down, and I was blessed to be surrounded by many people who softened the blow of his passing.

 

There is a general consensus amongst psychologists that there are stages to the grieving process:

 

  • Denial. We can’t or won’t accept the loss and what it means for our future.

 

  • Anger. With them for dying. With others for not saving them. With ourselves or a higher power.

 

  • Bargaining. “Don’t let them die, please God, if you let them live I’ll do X.” Or in the event of their death ”if I do this God, will you bring them back to me?”

 

  • Depression. This is the one that, if you allow it to take hold, will take you down with it. You dwell on the unfairness of it all, the lack of their presence in your life and the “what ifs” and “if only’s”. To be depressed as a result of the situation is a normal reaction to a loss and it is a necessary emotion to be able to heal and move on. To allow the depression to take hold of you is another thing altogether.

 

  • Acceptance. The acceptance of your new reality.

 

There is no defined way that we will experience these emotions, indeed some of us won’t face all of them, although I did, to a lesser or greater degree. Ultimately the final stage is the one that will allow us to move forward in our new altered reality, because, like it or not, we can’t turn back the clock.

 

I have found that mindfulness, self-acceptance and meditation have given my daughter and I the strength we needed to get through the darkest of days and emerge blinking into this new life we have found ourselves in. He would be so proud of us and how well we have coped with his passing.

 

So we’ll keep on keeping on knowing that as each day passes the pain will slowly get easier to bear. I liked a quote I once saw on Pinterest, it said; Grief is like a stormy sea, the waves crash over you incessantly, gradually the storm, and the waves will subside and where once there were huge engulfing waves, there remain just tiny ripples and you can edge forward into your altered future.

 

With love and light,

Liane

xoxoxoxo

 

 

Liane Richardson is a mother to four amazing children and a perpetual optimist bobbing around in the Sea Of Life.  Her mission in life is to give others a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. She is a strong believer in laughter being the best medicine (and chocolate!).  What we think, we attract, so stay positive. Receive more goodness from Liane on her website: Liane Richardson

 

Quiet Courage

Quiet Courage

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

 

The past couple of weeks have been a trying time for me. If you have been following my Facebook “Lives” you have heard me talking about how I attempted to go-back to grad school again and how it was a struggle. If you missed the videos, you can find them on @peacefullivingwellness

I was initially excited to go back to school. I was pursuing a degree in counseling, and as a coach I thought it would enhance my coaching skills.  I started with a class called Theories and Practices and really enjoyed the subject matter.

The problem for me was the professor. (more…)

Are you Addicted to being busy?

Are you Addicted to being busy?

Are you Addicted to being busy?

Last week I started talking about how to stay in your peaceful living frame-of-mind when it seems like your world is full of stress and negativity.  Last week’s blog, the first in Finding Cherries series discussed how to use boundaries and mindful communication to bring more peace to any friendship you have with people who are negative. This week, I am talking about how to use boundaries and prioritization to bring more peace into your busy life.

That Stressful Life

Life gets so hectic sometimes – The joy in life can be severely dampened by an overwhelming sense of being busy: too many things to get done, too many people making demands, too much traffic on the road, etc.  I know from experience that there are some strategies that help.

Here are a few to try:

1. Take a moment to step back and look at your to-do list.

Decide if the things on the list really need to get done right now or if they even need to be done at all. Some of this will be prioritizing based upon your values. For example, I have contact with more friends now than ever before – thank you Facebook!

Let’s take holiday cards for example. I get fewer holiday cards than I did in the past. And truthfully, I just don’t send them out either. I stay in touch on a more regular basis AND I just don’t have time to get cards out around the holidays because there are other things I have to do, like the Winter Spectacular at my kids’ school and two Brownie Christmas parties, etc.

2. Prioritize your to-do list and only actually do those things that you must.

Go to work, feed the kids, take care of yourself!… or that have true meaning to you. If you hate to shop, shop online and do grocery pick-up. If you love going out with your friends, go to one or more outings each month.

Everything else, say goodbye to it. You don’t need to do it all! And don’t forget, your kids will be just fine if you miss a game or a dance practice once-a-month to spend time with your friends! And so will your husband! 🙂

3. Stay in the moment.

As Thich Nhat Hanh says, “happiness can be found in every moment.” With this in mind, if you can stay focused on exactly what you’re doing, when you’re doing it, you find that the stress of “everything else” falls away.

So while you’re at the Cub Scout campout, be there and enjoy the fun the kids are having. Don’t worry about what you’re going to serve for your family for dinner for the next week.

4. Plan Ahead

One thing I’ve found that helps me to stay in the moment is to plan ahead. I use a “success schedule” to keep myself aware not only of what I need to do, but also when I need to do it.  

A weekly plan with blocked periods of time truly helps me make sure that I get where I need to get when I need to get there, that I work on the things I need to work on when it’s time to work on them, that I have time with my family and that I have time for myself. The “success schedule” allows me to savor each moment as I’m in it.

5. Find the blessings in the little things.

I was talking to my friend and client one day about Christmas and how her kids don’t act very grateful during the holiday season. But then she told me a story about how one of her sons is required by his school to write in a journal to his parents every week. At one point he wrote to his mom about how he does really understand that the season is not just about getting presents. He talked about how he loves Christmas because he gets to be with family and that he understands the religious parts of the holiday as well. What really touched me was that he wrote this journal entry as a letter to his mom so that she can understand how he is feeling inside. She said that he would never have said those things out loud to her.

What a true blessing that journal entry was! Find the little things that make life special. Try to catch people doing the right thing! And, pay special attention to it when they do.

Do you need to slow down and enjoy life a little more?

What do you need to cut out that is not serving your peaceful living?

Stay tuned for next week’s installment in the Finding Cherries series: How To Stay Peaceful in Our Crazy Mixed-Up World.

Love & Light!

Jen

 

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