Mindset Matters: Stop making excuses, get your stress under control and start living your happy, peaceful life
It’s a very rainy Monday here in beautiful Charleston, South Carolina. And honestly, having an upbeat mindset can be a challenge for me on these gray days! Being from San Diego, California I am definitely a sunshine person. Yet, I have learned to make a peaceful living day even if it’s gray. I’m cuddled up in my bed, the fireplace is on, I have my fuzzy socks on and my kitty is dozing at my feet. So I say, “let it rain because I feel warm and snuggy & peaceful!”
But, what about those days that are emotionally gray? Are you rushing through life feeling like you are in a gray haze sometimes? Can you find a way to feel peace and joy on those emotionally gray days? I know, sometimes that gray haze of stress just weighs us down. Some days it’s all we can do to make it through each day. I’ve been there! I know what it’s like to spend most of my moments wishing that each part of my day would just hurry up and happen so that I can get home and into bed.
THE GOOD NEWS
The good news is, you do not have to live that way! You can get your stress under control and start living each moment as if you don’t want that moment to pass because you are enjoying it so much!
Again, I know because I have been there. Here is the formula I use:
HAPPY DAYS = I embrace them with gratitude!
GRAY DAYS = I stay in each moment and detach from the overall feeling of the day.
And you can do this too!
You can live a peaceful, joy-filled life, in spite of the gray days!
BUT, YOU HAVE TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES!
Here are some of the top excuses I hear:
- My job is so stressful that I can’t do anything about my stress.
- My spouse/ partner makes me so unhappy I can’t do anything about my stress.
- My kids’ schedule is so busy that I can’t do anything about my stress.
- I am so busy that I can’t do anything about my stress.
- I have health problems, and I don’t feel good, so I can’t do anything about my stress.
Here is what one of my favorite authors, Jack Canfield, has to say about those types of excuses:
- You are 100% responsible for your life!
- You can decide to make an excuse and live with your stress and unhappiness.
- Or, you can adjust your response to life’s events and take responsibility for a different outcome.
- Event + Response = OUTCOME
On first read, this can sound very harsh. But, I promise you it’s not. I’m not saying that very hard, challenging things don’t have an effect on us as human beings. I’m not saying that your job isn’t stressful, that your relationship isn’t hurting or that your kids’ schedules are not overwhelming. What I am saying is that through taking responsibility for yourself – how you think, how you care for yourself, what choices you make, HOW YOU RESPOND to life’s challenging events – you absolutely can have a peaceful, joy-filled life, irrespective of your circumstances!
At this point you may be asking: But, how do I do that Jen?
You need to figure that out for yourself, or even better, with a coach, friend or therapist! It’s about YOU taking responsibility for YOU! But, here are a few examples to go along with the “excuses” I mentioned above:
Excuse 1: “My job is so stressful…”
- First, make a list of the things you like about your job.
- Write out and say why you are grateful for these things.
- Second, make a list of the things that are stressful about your job.
- Problem-solve to find ways to alleviate the stress. Bring in a trusted friend, family member, coach or therapist to help you with this if you need.
- If you just cannot find a way to solve the problems look for another job or way of making money – i.e. entrepreneurship, an online business, even driving for Uber.
Excuse 2: “My spouse/ partner makes me so unhappy…”
- First, realize that you cannot control another person. You can only control yourself.
- Second, work on yourself and your own happiness. You may be pleasantly surprised that when you change your way of being, your spouse starts to change as well.
- Third, seek counseling!
- Fourth, figure out what each of you needs in the relationship and then start filling those needs for your partner. Again, you may be surprised at how your partner will respond by filling your needs.
- And while doing all of these things, communicate mindfully! Mindful communication makes all the difference.
Excuse 3: “My kids’ schedule is so busy…”
- This one is easy! Give both yourself and your kids a break and unscheduled them!
- Only allow them one sport or activity at a time.
- If the travel team is eating your time, have your kids play club sports instead. They will survive!
- If you are one of those parents who just won’t lessen your kids’ sports and activities, then at the very least, find a carpool.
Excuse 4: “I am so busy…”
- Read my last blog “Breaking Busy” peacefullivingwellness.com/blog/breaking-busy
Excuse 5: “I have health problems…”
- This is definitely one of the more difficult situations. Poor health and chronic pain are very hard to live with. But, it can be done.
- Know that you will need to live differently than you have in the past.
- Take exceptionally good care of yourself, both physically and emotionally.
- Ask for and be open to receiving help.
- Be mindfully accepting of your new normal.
- Find gratitude in the little things
THE BAD NEWS
The bad news is that if you don’t get your stress under control you are at risk of many stress-related diseases: heart disease; stroke; diabetes ; certain cancers; thyroid conditions ; the list goes on and on!
BACK TO THE GOOD NEWS
You can take small steps to lower the level of chronic stress in your life.
You do not have to live with chronic stress or the dis-ease it brings.
Changing your mindset and giving up your excuses is the first step!
Stick with me! I have lots of tips, techniques, motivation, inspiration & encouragement for you!
Would you like some of that?
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Love & Light Y’all!