Do you play with your kids? It’s good for them and you!
Picture it: Saturday morning in a Charlotte hotel room. My husband and I in one double bed and our girls in the next. And then we heard it – the giggling, coming from their side of the room. Without opening my eyes, I assumed they had found something amusing on Instagram. But, this was not the case. When I finally did open my eyes, I looked up to the ceiling to find….shadow puppets!
Yes, they were using their phone – but as a flashlight to project their creations. Soon, my husband and I were making requests for various animals, all the while laughing hysterically when they came out a little wonky-looking. My girls are 11 and 12. I don’t know how many more years I have of this, but it is so heartwarming to be able to enjoy this play time with them.
Why We Play
Play is how we first relate to and come to understand the world around us. It is also how we learn who we are and how to interact with others. We learn to negotiate, problem-solve, communicate, and build confidence. As such, it is crucial to childhood development. We tend to abandon certain forms of play and engage in new ones as we get older. These changes help guide us to foster the behaviors we will need as we mature. Play can be both a learning experience and a way to blow off some steam when needed.
How Tweens & Teens Play
Play for tweens/teens looks very different than it does for younger children. However, the importance of play should not be overlooked at this age. Tweens are still learning how to interact with one another. At a time in their lives when they are searching to find their place in their social structure, play allows tweens to negotiate social situations and relieve some of the pressure of these interactions.
Equally important is that play is necessary for tweens and teens to learn empathy and understanding (and respecting) perspectives other than their own. Their play may be a video game they participate in together as a team. It may be going out and walking around with friends. It could be interacting on social media – learning what is trending and making their own videos/posts to express themselves.
But, as I learned, do not discount the need for some good old “childlike” fun. We all need these moments when we are brought back to our childhood play, when being silly was freeing and brought us joy and laughter.
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Why Adults Should Play
Y’all, we sometimes need it more than the kids! Often we take ourselves way too seriously. We are always needing to be somewhere, always having to do something. We are simultaneously in the past and in the future and often, very stressed.
If we have a predisposition to anxiety, play may help to mitigate this tendency. We often tout self-care as a great preventative measure to lessen anxiety, what would it be like to consider play as self-care?
Play brings us into the present moment. When you are in play, you are fully IN PLAY. It may be spending time with friends, whether that involves going out or staying in. In that way, play solidifies our relationships with others.
The same holds true for our family connections. Moments of play can strengthen family bonds, and allow for the entire group to just “exhale.” When was the last time your kids saw you just let loose and laugh and just be? When was the last time you saw your kids from behind a phone screen? We all need to play. Use it as an opportunity to bond.
How I Play
I am naturally playful. By this, I do not mean that I was a mom who got on the floor with her young kiddos and pretend-played for hours. I would try, but it always felt so inauthentic. Rather, our play was being super silly, making jokes, dressing up and chasing each other around the house.
Now my tweens and I play Roblox together. They love it when I surprise them by just joining their server. We have learned some Tik Tok dances. We watch shows together, build terrariums, and engage in some creative pursuits. I assist with their driveway sales (art or baked goods usually as a way to raise money for charity). I sometimes hang out with them and their friends. Board games, especially “Sorry”, are great fun. Sometimes we just like to go and walk around the stores or pop into Starbucks for some chill time.
Play is on their terms. I let them lead. This is not to say that I schedule this in my day every day, but I try to be intentional about getting some levity into most of our days. And most importantly, I try to just let it unfold as organically as possible. Don’t over-plan play. Set the time aside in your day and see what comes of it.
Think back to what your days were like when you got a new toy and you couldn’t wait for the sun to rise so you could scoop it up and play with it. We may not have that level of anticipation when it comes to play but we can certainly reap the benefits of that special time. Let this be your reminder to play!
NEELMA PYFROM
Hi! I’m Neelma, a Certified Life Coach/Life Strategist specializing in helping teens and young adults (and the families who love them) deal with anxiety, depression, confidence, and motivation. Together, we negotiate the hardships of the adolescent years -learning the skills needed in order to help them become successful adults who have found their peace, purpose, and authenticity. I have a passion for time management and positive habit formation and love sharing everything I learn (forever student) with the folks I coach.
In my spare time, I enjoy running, meditating, reading, crossword puzzle-ing, and boating with my husband and our two girls and our furbaby.
