4 STEPS TO LOVING YOURSELF

What is your first reaction when I ask the question, “Do you love yourself?”

In my experience most people answer, “yes, of course.” But, when I dig a little deeper and ask something like, “what does it mean to you to love yourself, what does it feel like?” it takes people a little longer to figure out their answer.

And then, when I dig even deeper and ask, “why do you deserve to be loved by yourself and others?” people often get stopped in their tracks!

We have all heard that we need to love ourselves, but rarely does anyone talk about the “hows” and “whys” of doing that. When we don’t really know what it means to love ourselves, and we do not have a deep understanding of why we deserve love, we cannot truly love ourselves.

When we do not truly love ourselves we suffer. We suffer from questioning ourselves, our own judgement and our decisions. We also suffer from allowing others to treat us with disrespect. When we do not truly love ourselves it can be difficult to have intimate relationships with family, friends and lovers. And, when we do not deeply love ourselves we can suffer from anxiety and depression.

If you cannot wholeheartedly answer the question, “why do you deserve to be loved?” please read on! This one is from my heart to yours.

HOW TO GET STARTED DEEPLY LOVING YOURSELF

In my 5 Love Languages blog What is Your Love Language? I discuss how learning your love language is a useful tool for strengthening your relationships. It is also a useful tool for strengthening your love for yourself!

The Love Languages framework can help you learn to love yourself and believe you deserve it!

Here’s a quick guide to applying the love languages to loving yourself:

ACTS OF SERVICE: Think of this as acts of self-care & self-nurture. Acts of Service for yourself can range from taking a bubble bath to spending time doing something you enjoy to making time to go to the doctor.

RECEIVING GIFTS: It’s okay to give gifts to yourself sometimes. Receiving gifts can be anything from buying yourself a pretty bracelet to giving yourself a getaway weekend.

PHYSICAL TOUCH: Physical Touch is incredibly important for those who need it. Some ideas for incorporating physical touch into your life include taking the time to pamper your skin with lotions or body oils to caressing and snuggling with a pet. (Notice I’m not including other people in this).

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Even if Words of Affirmation are not your primary Love Language, I truly believe they are important for all of us! Deeply loving yourself comes from giving yourself affirmation. Increasing your positive self-talk and decreasing your negative self-talk is essential for deepening your self-love.

QUALITY TIME: Quality Time for self-love is alone time. It is time that you spend with yourself, getting to know yourself and talking to yourself with words of affirmation.

You can find a more in-depth explanation of the Love Languages, and a quiz to help you figure out your Love Language, on the 5 Love Languages website!

Let’s get started on loving yourself with this easy 4-Step process:

STEP ONE: UNDERSTAND YOUR SELF LOVE LANGUAGE: Your self Love Language may be different from the love language you have in relationships. For example, my Love Language in my marriage is Acts of Service. But, my Love Language for myself is Words of Affirmation.

STEP TWO: DECIDE IF YOU HAVE A SECOND SELF LOVE LANGUAGE: In the 5 Love Languages framework Dr. Chapman explains that we need all 5 of the Love Languages fulfilled in our relationships, but there will be one that is the most important and perhaps another that is secondary. Take some time to think about what your secondary Love Language is.

STEP THREE MAKE A PLAN FOR HOW YOU ARE GOING TO FILL YOUR OWN LOVE LANGUAGES: Do you need to buy yourself a gift once-a-week? Or, perhaps you need to spend alone time each-day? Make a commitment to yourself to give yourself words-of-affirmation each day and to gently correct yourself when you engage in negative self-talk.

STEP FOUR: EACH WEEK ANSWER THE QUESTION, “WHY DO I DESERVE TO BE LOVED?” Notice both subtle and sizeable changes in your response.

CONCERNED ABOUT HOW YOU ARE GOING TO FIND TIME FOR YOUR SELF-LOVE PRACTICES? No worries! I created an easy, online mini-course to help you find time for EVERYTHING that is important to you! Breaking Busy: 5 Simple Steps to Slow Down, Rise-Up and Feel More in Control of Your Life helps you find more time in just a short time!

THE PROOF IS IN THE PRACTICE

Just like so many other things in life learning to love yourself deeply takes practice. The more you practice fulfilling your self Love Language, the more you will feel love for yourself. That is why it is important to repeat step four each week. Over time, you can change your time-frame to once, every two weeks and then once-a-month. But, don’t stop asking and answering the question of why you deserve love.

The idea of practicing loving yourself may seem strange at first. If we put it into the perspective of an overview of our lives it may make more sense. Loving ourselves, and being able to solidly believe why we deserve love, is a fairly new concept for many people – especially those who have a hard time answering the, “why do you deserve love” question in the first place.

The adults who have a hard time with the concept of deserving self-love (or, love in general) most likely spent many years having their self-worth demeaned either by others, themselves or both. Thus, their memories and their neural pathways are primed for negativity towards themselves. This then becomes a cycle of negative thinking: Negativity-primed neural pathways + current self-demeaning thoughts = reinforced negativity in the neural pathways.

WANT TO GEEK OUT ON THE BRAIN SCIENCE? Check out THIS ARTICLE in Neuroscience News!

The good news about neural pathways is that they can be reprogrammed! By practicing self-love, and fulfilling your own Love Language, you are breaking the cycle of negativity and replacing it with positivity. The saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is just not true! Our brains can absolutely be retrained. It just takes time and practice.

IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO SPEAK YOUR OWN LOVE LANGUAGE!

Now you know the “hows” and the “whys” of loving on yourself with your own Love Language.

Get started with these four easy steps!

Use the Breaking Busy Mini Course if you need help finding the time to love yourself.

Join my FREE Peaceful Living Wellness Community Group and let me know how it’s going! You can also ask questions and get tons of support in there!

I welcome your comments below!

With Lots of Love!

Jen

JEN ROBINSON

Jen Robinson is the creative force behind the wellness brand Peaceful Living Wellness which is dedicated to providing a wide-variety of high-quality wellness information. Jen is also the creator of the Peaceful Living Wellness life coaching division, and offers workshops, individual and group coaching as well as retreats where she guides women in using Mindfulness and Mindset to build their inner strength on a foundation of inner peace. Jen also is the co-creator of the business coaching brand CEO Mindset that guides entrepreneurs in building their businesses without burning out.

The latest addition to her repertoire is that she recently signed-on as the Wellness Director for the business development company Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs . She is very excited to be leading this group of dynamic women entrepreneurs into success in their businesses and lives!

The most important part of Jen’s life are her two very active teenagers, AJ & Layna!

Jen’s Mindfulness and Mindset techniques inform her business, her parenting and her life!