My baby is heading to college. Like now, today. Driving to her school feels like coming home to me, like going to a magical spot on the hill. And it is a magical place on a hill—but it’s not my home this time; it’s going to be hers.
Taking Kylie here feels different from dropping Tyler because it’s a week before the college opens. I’m sad, not sure how I’m going to be able to leave her. It suddenly feels too fast. I guess move in day is always quick and too short, but here it’s such a small group we will leave her with. No roommate to meet and bond with or at least to walk to meals and meetings together. And what’s it going to be like staying by herself in a room in a dorm not necessarily with other people. Did they think about that? She’s never stayed alone before. I’m worried she will be so sad, alone and scared.
Join our Community of Peaceful Living Wellness Warriors
and receive a special free gift:
Our Top 5 Tips for Peaceful Living
Just thinking about it makes me teary. How am I going to do this? I’m not sure I would want to stay alone in a dorm. What felt like a really nice soft landing for Kylie doing this leadership program, now feels too isolating, too fast and too soon. I’m not ready.
She is though.
So many memories are flooding in for me as we get closer to school. This school holds so much for me, so many firsts, so many feelings. I’m excited for Kylie to make her own memories here now. I hope she can be as happy there as I was and that it will be as supportive and loving for her as it was for me. Even when I was at my worst
I knew I would feel a million emotions arriving here. So many years and miles away. It’s crazy how important moments hold their place in your heart. And I suppose people are more often than not the focal point, the epicenter of feelings, the most important part of a moment. And I see that—I feel that now, on the plane heading for my alma mater.
It’s amazing, so right—and a little weird at the same time— that Kylie begins her adult education here. It’s perfect because she fits, she belongs here on the hill. Even her brother thought she’d go here back when I was showing him colleges. “It’s beautiful, but it’s not for me, he said. “Kylie. Kylie will love it.” Of course I want her to love it, like I wanted Tyler to love his college. There is just an added step here because I have to let her make it hers. It’s no longer my special place. It needs to be hers—and eventually ours.
Related Post: PARENTING TEENS: Connecting to Intuition
By the next day, I was in a different place emotionally. Yesterday I was so full of warmth and contentment, knowing Kylie had found her place. She was full of joy; enthusiasm for the week and a love of her school. Today, we left her there and it feels very different. I am still confident that it’s the right college for her, that she will blossom, grow and light up the world. Like all freshmen at any college anywhere, she was feeling a little less confident. Suddenly she’s asking if she’s smart enough; is she as curious and intellectual. Wasn’t enough. She is so enough. They all are and I want so much to embed that feeling in her heart. But I can’t.
As a parent, I have done and said what I can. I can still guide her, but she has to find the tools and the confidence in herself. My saying she is smart enough doesn’t make her feel it in her heart. She knows it in her head and I just have to believe that it will make it to her heart on the good days —even if not every day.
Saying goodbye is hard. Not because it means I’m getting old and not because I want my kids back and little again. Not at all. I just love who they are today and want to spend time with them still. I enjoy the talks, the debates, the hug as they go by. I guess that’s good; I guess it means they are who they should be and we did our jobs—the kids, and us as parents.
Still, I know when I go home that 3 pm will hit and I will be listening for the garage door, eager to hear the boots on the stairs and the dog going crazy with his happy sounds as he runs around trying to find a sock to bring to her.
Because nothing says I love you more than a dirty sock.
DANA BAKER-WILLIAMS
If you’re going to thrive in today’s crazy world, I believe you need to bring your whole self to the table: your personality, your sense of humor, and most importantly, your heart. All of these elements brought me to start Parenting In Real Life, my parent and teen coaching.
I’m a mom of two amazing kids, one of whom has struggled with ADHD, anxiety and depression. Watching this as a parent can be heartbreaking and feels singular. I had nowhere to turn and i was totally overwhelmed. When we finally put the pieces together and got our daughter some help, everything changed for her. But I still didn’t have someone who could teach me how to parent more effectively. It was trial and error on the emotional dysregulation, the panic attacks, and the lack of executive functioning. There was no handbook.
I vowed then that other parents should NOT have to be that scared, overwhelmed, and alone. And kids and teens shouldn’t feel alone, stupid, disconnected or “less than”. Now I am in the position to help parents and teens alike. I help other 2e families find calm in the chaos, connect with their kids, and bring peace and joy back into the family dynamic. I give parents the tools and support they need to communicate and parent more effectively. Simple shifts and techniques will allow you to parent with confidence and handle the challenges with grace and set your kids up for success with life skills, resilience, and self-advocacy.
Bring the joy back in your family, book a call now. https://www.parentinginreallife.org/bookings-checkout/book-a-free-consult/book
