Feeling overwhelmed is the number one reason my clients come to me for coaching. They are tired of feeling chronically overwhelmed and they are ready to make changes in their lives. But, they don’t have any idea how to stop.
If you are a busy mom, who is tired of feeling overwhelmed by all of your responsibilities, you CAN slow down – I promise!
I know it seems impossible… BUT, not only did I do this for myself, I have also supported many, many women as they slowed down and learned to enjoy life.
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STOPPING THE CYCLE OF BUSY
Stopping the cycle of being busy and overwhelmed most of the time is not only something that you can do, it’s something you need to do. You need to find the time to take better care of yourself. You need to slow down for your mental health. And, you need to slow down for your physical health.
And guess what, when you slow down and start taking better care of yourself, the people that you care for will appreciate the difference in you. That means that you need to slow down for them too!
I see this as a “win win” situation. You not only get to take care of yourself, you get to feel better AND your friends and family will appreciate that you feel better. WIN WIN!
But, how do you slow down and stop feeling overwhelmed?
To stop chronically feeling overwhelmed it takes some pretty significant changes on your part. That’s where coaching comes in. The Peaceful Living Coaching program takes you through incremental, weekly steps to making important changes in your life. Our coaching is designed to help you stop feeling overwhelmed, not overwhelm you! 🙂
Today, I’m going to share my three favorite tips to stop feeling overwhelmed in the present moment. I’m talking about situations like when you have a big project to tackle or way too many things on your “to do” list for the day.
These strategies work really well for people who get overwhelmed when faced with overwhelming situations like big projects or big messes. They also work very well, when combined with broader lifestyle changes, for people who are suffering from chronically feeling overwhelmed.
TIP #1: FIRST THINGS FIRST
When we are faced with a big project, a huge mess, or so many things on our “to do” lists that our heads swim, putting first-things-first is one of my favorite strategies! I used this when writing my doctoral dissertation and I use it when my house is a complete mess.
With this strategy you start by looking at each thing on your “to do” list, or each part of the project, and assign them a level of priority. For example, I can get pretty overwhelmed when my kitchen is a hot southern mess – I live in The South 😉 When I get overwhelmed, I procrastinate on getting those messes cleaned-up. But, if I procrastinate the mess just gets bigger.
Nowadays, instead of procrastinating, I assign each task a priority. I cannot do the dishes if they still have food in them. The first priority is to scrape the food into the trash. As long as I’m in trash-mode I also throw away any other trash. Likewise, I cannot wipe down the counters if there are dirty dishes sitting on them.
You get the picture.
TIP #2 CHUNK IT DOWN
If prioritizing and using the first-things-first approach does not work for the overwhelming situation at hand, chunking it down should do the trick!
Chunking it down is like first-things-first, but instead of assigning a priority you create categories, sub-lists or even quadrants. Let’s use the example of when you have a big project at work or a fundraiser you are planning for your kids school.
Most big projects can be categorized into phases or types of tasks. With phases, you have the initial organization, the start-up, the implementation, and the after-assessment. You could also categorize into task-based categories such as research and development, creation or implementation, marketing and sales.
If you look at each category by itself, instead of the entire project, it will seem much less overwhelming.
Going back to the example of overwhelming household projects we can see how chunking it down with quadrants can help ease feelings of being overwhelmed. If you have a room that needs to be cleaned-up or organized, divide it into four, six or even eight sections. Then only work on one section at a time.
This strategy works great for motivating kids to clean their rooms, by-the-way!
TIP #3 RALLY YOUR TEAM
The “rally the team” strategy is definitely in my top three go-to strategies. Whether creating and organizing a fundraiser, managing a work project, or getting things done around the house, “rally the team” helps me avoid becoming overwhelmed.
Before you can implement this strategy you must be willing to do two things!
- You must be willing to ask for help!
AND
- You must be willing to give up control!
I used a bold font there to emphasize my point – not to yell at you 😉
These two “musts” are at the top of the list of personal challenges for most of my clients. They say things like, “I don’t have anyone to help” Or, they say, “if I want something done right, I have to do it myself.” However, when we dig deeper into the thoughts that are usually hiding behind those statements we find out that the statements are usually not true.
Don’t get me wrong, my clients are not lying to me. They are actually using these types of statements as a cover for underlying insecurities. Yet, they have bought into the cover story for so long the underlying insecurities have gone into the back of their mind or their subconscious. This is a precarious situation. Buried insecurities can really defeat us. If we are not aware of the insecurity, they eat at us without us even realizing it.
Underneath both statements, “I don’t have anyone to help me,” and “if you want it done right…” lies the fear that if we ask for help, if we give up control, others will criticize us.
THE THOUGHT PROCESS
If a neighbor, or God forbid my mother, stops by and my house is a mess, it would embarrass me! My mom will make comments about how I don’t keep a clean house for her grandchildren. I just don’t want to go through that.
My partner will help if I yell at them enough, but it won’t be done correctly. I will still hear it from my mother. And, I really don’t want the other moms in the neighborhood talking about how my house is a mess. They will think I’m lazy. It’s better if I just do everything myself. I can’t count on my partner to clean-up the way moms expect things to be cleaned.
These are REAL insecurities!
But, that does not mean that they are true. Or, even if they are true, that does not mean that you have to give in to them and take on everything yourself.
WHY WE ARE SO HARD ON OURSELVES
Over time our society changed from the philosophy that, “it takes a village to raise a child,” to, “mom can do it all!”
Think back to when families had to provide their own food from their gardens and farms. The family worked as a team so the household, or the farm, functioned.
We don’t subscribe to this philosophy anymore. Instead, today’s moms are expected to take care of the house, and the kids, on top of going to work! This is a recipe for exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed.
But, don’t think the stay-at-home-moms have it easy! My SAHM and WAHM mom clients are just as hard on themselves. Women today seem to see staying at home or working from home as a privilege. Thus, they put even more pressure on themselves to do more and do it all themselves. Talk about feeling overwhelmed!
And finally, there is the ever-present socialization that as women we need to please other people. We think we need to please our own mothers so they will be proud of us. Likewise, we think we need to please our friends and neighbors so they will like us. Many of the women I work with aspire to please their husbands because they are still subscribing to typical gender roles.
In the workplace we want our boss to see us as a valuable employee so we show how much we can do by taking on big projects and doing most of the work ourselves. We want our boss to see us as a team-player, so we take on most of the work ourselves instead of delegating it to others, lest our team disgrace us.
And, of course, there is the faulty thinking that moms need to show their children love by doing, doing, and doing more for them.
RALLY YOUR TEAM, CHUNK THINGS DOWN AND PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
If you are willing to give-up control, stop worrying about what other people think of you, and ask for help, you will find that your life is far less overwhelming.
Even when you are delegating to others and asking for help you can still use the “first-things-first” and “chunk-it-down” techniques to stop feeling overwhelmed. Think of the great tools you will be teaching your colleagues, your children and even your spouse!
If you want to know more tips, tools and techniques that help busy moms slow down, give themselves some grace, and stop feeling overwhelmed join my FREE Facebook group THE BUSY MOMS SUPPORT TRIBE!
From my heart to yours!
Jen
JEN ROBINSON
Jen Robinson is the creative force behind the wellness brand Peaceful Living Wellness which is dedicated to providing a wide-variety of high-quality wellness information. Jen is also the creator of the Peaceful Living Wellness life coaching division, and offers workshops, individual and group coaching as well as retreats where she guides women in using Mindfulness and Mindset to build their inner strength on a foundation of inner peace. Jen also is the co-creator of the business coaching brand CEO Mindset that guides entrepreneurs in building their businesses without burning out.
The latest addition to her repertoire is that she recently signed-on as the Wellness Director for the business development company Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs . She is very excited to be leading this group of dynamic women entrepreneurs into success in their businesses and lives!
The most important part of Jen’s life are her two very active teenagers, AJ & Layna!
Jen’s Mindfulness and Mindset techniques inform her business, her parenting and her life!
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