This year, our family holiday card has the following closing:
With love,
The Pyfroms – Colin, Neelma, Taylo, Skylar, and Kauai
I do not have a daughter named “Taylo.” I do, however, have one named “Taylor.” Sweet Taylor will be forever immortalized as such on the 2022 holiday card because I didn’t notice my error. I am typically not a careless person, but this holiday season has been hectic. With so many items on my ever-growing to-do list, is it any wonder I am having a difficult time finding my Christmas spirit?
I know I am not alone. Like me, many people struggle with embracing the full gamut of holiday happiness. This time of year can be triggering, bringing up difficult family associations and troubling memories. For some, it may be more of a general malaise, a “blah” feeling that arises when confronted with the Christmas cheer. Sadly, the quick fix is often to plaster a smile on your face and go about your business or throw yourself head first into all the responsibilities to avoid dealing with the emotional unrest. When such highly-emotionally-charged occasions arise, there are opportunities for us to go internally to see what is lying beneath.
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Taking Emotional Stock
The holiday season presents a unique opportunity for emotional inquiry. It can often be daunting when everywhere you turn you are faced with tinsel, lights, trees, and images of Santa and his elves. Turning on a radio can be non-stop Christmas music. Sometimes the reaction is knee-jerk – switching the station or leaving the room. This is not always the case however, when you are at home with your own tree or lights or with your own kids who are beyond excited to see what Santa has in store for them.
When this reaction comes about – when you feel it rising within, pause. Take a moment to take stock of what you are feeling. Breathe. Sit with the upset. When you are ready, start to peel back the layers. What am I feeling in my body? How would I describe this feeling? (Not just “bad”, “crappy”, or “meh”). What images are coming to mind? What narrative am I reliving in my mind? If it helps, write it down or voice memo it. What part of you is requiring your attention? What needs to be addressed? Look upon this with curiosity and non-judgment.
Taking on Too Much
My todo list for the holidays is always lengthy – decorating the exterior, trimming the tree, ordering the family ornament (our holiday tradition), buying presents, Christmas parties, holiday card dissemination, charity donations, etc. All of these extra items are IN ADDITION to my usual responsibilities to my family, my home and my business. As much as I strive for work-life balance, it tends to go right out the window during the holidays when the pressure to get everything done tends to weigh most heavily on me. How can I enjoy a time of year when I barely have time to catch my breath?
Prioritize and plan. Start your shopping early. If you are able, delegate. Learn to say no. And, most importantly, ask for help when you need it. All of these things will help you to maintain some sanity during the season. When our girls were younger, they loved to deliver our holiday cards. We would ride around on the golf cart and let them pop out and put them in the mailboxes. Now, as they are older they help me address the cards, and put them in the bicycle baskets and off they go to deliver. One less thing for me to worry about!
Space and Self-care
Self-care needs to make it into your holiday list of priorities. I dare say, it should sit atop this list. “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” How do you care for yourself? How do you nourish your mind, your body, and your soul? Take the space as you need it, both physical and emotional.
If this is a hard time, do not be afraid to turn to others. Let your partner in on what you are feeling. Allow them to help you. Use this as an opportunity for connection. Allow them to run interference if you need a moment or some time to yourself because you are feeling overwhelmed. If necessary, consult a professional who can walk this path with you.
Expressions of Spirit
When we hear “spirit” in connection with the holidays, our minds may conjure houses decorated like the Griswolds with floor-to-ceiling Christmas decorations inside. In our minds’ eyes, we may see smiling families enjoying the holiday hustle and bustle. We may envision clinking glasses of eggnog as families toast the Christmas joy. For many, “spirit” has to be happy, joyous, and exhilarating. But this is not how all of us express our seasonal sentiments.
It may be that our spirit is found in the quiet contemplations of the season. Our spirit may be nourished by the little kindnesses of the holiday. Our spirit may settle in the gratitude we have for our family and friends.
I notice my spirit is lightened when I see the holidays through the eyes of my girls. They love to decorate and I enjoy watching them delight as they find places on our tree for all the ornaments. Last night, I attended “Taylo’s” first holiday band concert and I could feel myself swaying to the holiday music and mouthing the words with the chorus. This is where my spirit was filled.
For me, the season is about a tree that has more of the kids’ handiwork than store-bought ornaments. It is about a tree that has the UGLIEST tree topper because it was the one one left in the store in our first Christmas together as a couple.It is about the girls laughing at me for my complete inability to neatly wrap a gift. It is about making sure the Elf is not found in a compromising situation with the Barbies (as has been an issue in years past when my husband took charge of elf duties).
There is no “right”way to feel the holiday spirit. Likewise, there is no wrong way to feel the holiday spirit. Be true to your understanding of the holiday spirit. Your authenticity is the best gift you can give yourself.
NEELMA PYFROM
Hi! I’m Neelma, a Certified Life Coach/Life Strategist specializing in helping teens and young adults (and the families who love them) deal with anxiety, depression, confidence, and motivation. Together, we negotiate the hardships of the adolescent years -learning the skills needed in order to help them become successful adults who have found their peace, purpose, and authenticity. I have a passion for time management and positive habit formation and love sharing everything I learn (forever student) with the folks I coach.
In my spare time, I enjoy running, meditating, reading, crossword puzzle-ing, and boating with my husband and our two girls and our furbaby.
