Senior year in high school can be a challenging time for both teens and parents. It is a time of transition and can be filled with a mix of excitement and stress as students prepare to graduate and move on to the next phase of their lives. For many students, that means thinking about college.
One of the biggest challenges for seniors is the pressure to perform academically. This may involve completing college applications, taking advanced placement (AP) exams, and maintaining good grades in order to qualify for scholarships and admissions to competitive colleges and universities.
In fact as we finished off the year, many high-school seniors were finishing their college applications. This year anxiety is higher as we try to understand how the colleges are going to view applications now that many kids aren’t taking the standardized tests and aren’t visiting the schools, still trying to keep the damn virus down–not to mention travel costs–. In-person interviews have dropped as well, so parents and teens are worried their uniqueness might be missed.
While the application process is arduous and nerve-wracking, after you push the send button, the waiting starts–will you be accepted, rejected, or waitlisted? Did you get into their top pick? Was any merit or scholarship offered? The stakes are high, the deadlines are strict, and you’re being asked to make major decisions about your future. This limbo can be a difficult time, filled with self-doubt and what-ifs. The anticipation can make some students tense, irritable, and distracted. How could our kids not be stressed?!
So how can our kids take a breath, manage or work off some of this stress?
There are a number of things you can do to help mitigate the physical, mental, and emotional consequences of admissions anxiety. The first one is to go into this with realistic expectations. Colleges are competitive. Chances are, they won’t get accepted to every school you apply to. That’s ok, you can’t eradicate the possibility of rejection, but you can anticipate it and come to terms with it in advance, which can help lessen the anxiety.
Another big hurdle is getting off that comparison train. Every college applicant is unique, and it’s nearly impossible to compare yourself meaningfully to others. Even if another student seems very similar to you, the reality is that you don’t know the details of their application, nor what the admissions people are looking for. So how do we do that? How do we stop overthinking and agonizing over what’s going to happen? See if instead of worrying, you can congratulate yourself –or as a parent, congratulate your teen on finishing the application process and setting themselves up for the future. If that fails, which it may, here are some other things to do or not to do.
STOP TALKING ABOUT IT
Seriously, be straight with everyone. Tell your family and friends that you don’t want to talk about it. In most cases, the questions of family and friends are well-intentioned, but constant questions can get on your nerves. Keep well-intentioned family members away by assuring each and every one of them that she or he will be the first to know when you find out. For us parents, that means to stop asking how they are feeling about it and please stop asking their friends about college too. They are done for now and it only makes them anxious. Also, parents, try to remember that one person’s safety school is someone else’s stretch. And you know what, not everyone goes on to college. There are many paths.
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FIND DISTRACTIONS
In other years you’d just be able to go hang with friends or play soccer or frisbee to get your mind off it. Today, not so much. Social distancing and all that. Still, get outside if the weather is good. Fresh air can improve your mood, as can sunshine. Try zooming your friends or embrace downtime by reading a book or watching a movie, or bingeing a show. Play with a pet, cuddle a puppy—connect with something or someone. Exercise can be a game changer as it gets endorphins running through us.
LAUGH
It may feel like life right now is too serious to joke around, but that’s when we need it the most. Step away from your computer and endless email waiting and find something else to talk about other than college. Find your sense of humor, even if it’s sarcasm or dark humor. Laughter releases those awesome endorphins and helps your body relax. Go watch the Simpsons or whatever you find hilarious. Laugh it out.
BREATHE
I know breathing and mindfulness can sound stupid, but it really does all start and end with the breath. Deep, slow, fill-your-lungs breaths calm you down. In the time it takes for 3 big breaths, your stress and cortisol levels plunge, physically causing a calmness and settling in your body. When all else fails, just Breathe.
FIND RELIEF
Remind yourself at least once a day that you never ever have to write another college application essay or supplemental essay. Remind yourself that there isn’t just one dream school that’s right for you. There are pros and cons to all of them, so you will have choices to make. You will find your place.
Feel the relief? Indulge in the relief!
DANA BAKER-WILLIAMS
If you’re going to thrive in today’s crazy world, I believe you need to bring your whole self to the table: your personality, your sense of humor, and most importantly, your heart. All of these elements brought me to start Parenting In Real Life, my parent and teen coaching.
I’m a mom of two amazing kids, one of whom has struggled with ADHD, anxiety and depression. Watching this as a parent can be heartbreaking and feels singular. I had nowhere to turn and i was totally overwhelmed. When we finally put the pieces together and got our daughter some help, everything changed for her. But I still didn’t have someone who could teach me how to parent more effectively. It was trial and error on the emotional dysregulation, the panic attacks, and the lack of executive functioning. There was no handbook.
I vowed then that other parents should NOT have to be that scared, overwhelmed, and alone. And kids and teens shouldn’t feel alone, stupid, disconnected or “less than”. Now I am in the position to help parents and teens alike. I help other 2e families find calm in the chaos, connect with their kids, and bring peace and joy back into the family dynamic. I give parents the tools and support they need to communicate and parent more effectively. Simple shifts and techniques will allow you to parent with confidence and handle the challenges with grace and set your kids up for success with life skills, resilience, and self-advocacy.
Bring the joy back in your family, book a call now. https://www.parentinginreallife.org/bookings-checkout/book-a-free-consult/book
