As school days draw to a close, summer prep is in full swing! When my girls were younger, summer involved shuttling the girls to and from summer camps, but those camp days are behind us as we have progressed into the tween years. Like other tweens/teens, my girls want to decide how to spend their time. As parents we want to encourage that independence, but we still need to set parameters for its expression. How do we maintain some semblance of a routine in our “everyday summer” days? Below are some tips on how to set the stage for an easier transition, while keeping some order to the household!
Family Meeting
Before the summer break is upon you, gather for a family meeting. Let your teens/tweens know what you have planned for the summer in terms of vacations and other special events. (It helps to have a visual reminder of these occasions so I recommend a family calendar hung in a common area.) More importantly, however, use this time to outline some of the expectations for the summer.
You may want to use some of the other items in this blog as points for discussion in your meeting. (I recommend ensuring parents are on the same page with these items before bringing them to the wider audience. ) Tweens/teens want to be heard and have their feelings considered. To that end, ask them what they would like to do with their free time this summer. Are there things they would like to do/learn? Give them the chance to address this question during the meeting. It helps if you let them know this topic a little in advance so they can come to the meeting prepared.
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Additionally, ask them what their expectations are of you. This may be especially important for parents who work from home. Just because a parent is home, does not mean they are available for unplanned trips to the beach or Starbucks. How would they like to spend their time with you this summer? Are there things they would like you all to participate in as a family? Let this meeting give everyone the opportunity to have their expectations and desires heard and considered.
Meals & Meal Times
Food and meals may be a point of contention during the summer when teens/tweens can freely eat as they please. I recommend setting a time interval during which breakfast and lunch need to be eaten. This will not require them to get up early, but will give them an interval during which a meal must be consumed. For instance, if we have breakfast at 10:00, the rest of the day’s mealtimes are thrown into chaos.
Also encourage your kiddos to make their own breakfasts and lunches. Use this as a chance to let them try out some new dishes. If you work from home, schedule your lunchtimes so you can eat together.
If your tweens/teens have special requests for items to nibble on and/or to have for meals, ensure you are told in advance. Otherwise, it may not make it onto the grocery list. If they want it that badly, they can have the foresight to let you know! Ensure the house is stocked with fruit and try to ensure they are getting enough water.
Non-Negotiables
These are things that MUST be done each day and will be integrated into their daily routine. Among the two in our household are “Reading Time” and “Physical Activity.” If reading is important for your tweens/teens to do during the summer, consider incentivizing their reading – maybe a minimum of 20 minutes/day. If they are so inclined, go to the library with them and let them choose some books for the week.
Additionally, some form of physical activity should be done each day. In Charleston, it is often dangerous to be out in the heat, but there are inside activities that can be done inside to work up a good sweat. We advocate for the girls to do something at least 5 times/week for a maximum of 30 minutes. This may include a workout (make it a family thing if that helps), an obstacle course, or even a YouTube yoga video. Again, incentivize if need be.
Chores
During the school year, we minimize chores because of the other responsibilities our tweens have. As such, summer includes more items with which we may ask them to assist. For our family, restructuring chores is part of our summer prep. Some of these include: dishwasher duties, some organizational tasks, and tending to their fave fur-sister. We do not dictate the time at which these have to be completed, but rather the time by which they have to be done. This allows them to figure out when they choose to complete the task., but it ensures they will be done by a predetermined time.
Set Aside Time for Kiddos
Sure, there may be vacations planned when the entire family is together, but what of your regular everyday time is set aside for the kids or for the family, as a whole? This time should be intentional, scheduled and give everyone something to look forward to. If you are looking for options, consider what you heard in the family. Let this time be the time in which you put those items discussed into action!
Perhaps there is something you have all been wanting to try? Decide the best time to make it happen and put it on the calendar. Bring your tweens/teens into the planning phase so they know what to expect and how they can be a part of the organization process (if it requires pre-work). Make this planning a part of your summer prep. If possible, hang up a copy of your schedule so they are aware of what is happening every day AND so you are not answering the same questions over and over.
Just as can be said with kiddos at every age, the teen/tween years go by quickly. Using this time, consciously, to spend with your tween/teen, can help to solidify relationships that may take a beating throughout the year when folks are rushing around and temperamental. Allow the summer time to be a reset for your relationship. Let it be a time for compassionate connection because when things get hairy during the next school year, you may want to hold these moments close to your heart. This time allows your tweens/teens to know how special they are to you and how much you value your relationship.
Screen Time & Social Media
As much as you would like your tweens/teens to be outside and enjoying the summer weather, there will be times when they need some downtime. Often, this will include some form of electronic media – usually something connected to the internet. How do you handle this form of downtime so that it doesn’t become a problem?
Set limits. Throughout the school year, we have screen time limits enabled on the girls’ tech. In the summer, we increase it slightly, but once it has expired, that is all they will get until the next day. The girls are aware of these limits and it allows them to choose when they will use their screen time and how they opt to spend it.
Jobs & Volunteering
It is a healthy practice for teenagers to have a job so that they can decide how to handle their money while instilling in them a sense of responsibility. Tweens may not be able to work yet, but they can certainly still help out. For instance, they may be too young to babysit on their own, but can work as a Mother’s Helper. This summer my girls will be taking a Safe Sitter course to be able to help out some friends as a Mother’s Helper. They are so excited to be working and earning money for their time and labor!
In addition to or in place of working, you may want to find some organizations with whom your tween/teen can volunteer. Use this summer to give them an idea of organizations and causes that need their involvement. Starting it over the summer makes it easier for them to continue with it during the school year.
Conclusion
Try not to overplan your summer. When our girls were younger, I always had to know what was going on and planned for the upcoming weeks/days/hours to ensure there was some activity for them and/or someone to watch them. But those years are behind me 🙁 . This summer will be about being a little more open, but still maintaining some parameters. It will be about being with your tween/teen, being fully present and learning about the person they are becoming. Once the next school year starts, and this summer is behind you, you will be able to reflect fondly on this time together.
NEELMA PYFROM
Hi! I’m Neelma, a Certified Life Coach/Life Strategist specializing in helping teens and young adults (and the families who love them) deal with anxiety, depression, confidence, and motivation. Together, we negotiate the hardships of the adolescent years -learning the skills needed in order to help them become successful adults who have found their peace, purpose, and authenticity. I have a passion for time management and positive habit formation and love sharing everything I learn (forever student) with the folks I coach.
In my spare time, I enjoy running, meditating, reading, crossword puzzle-ing, and boating with my husband and our two girls and our furbaby.
