Are you your own worst critic? This is something so many of us struggle with.
I’m not thin enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not good enough, I’m not enough enough… Or I didn’t eat exactly what I should’ve eaten, I didn’t lose weight this week, I’m a failure…
This is something I see a lot of my coaching clients do to themselves during the holiday season. They put so much pressure on themselves to create beautiful and tasty holiday meals and yet avoid indulging themselves. And when they do “lose control,” as some may put it, they guilt trip themselves into a dreary holiday.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
When you think of communication, you probably think of two people, sitting and having a conversation. Or maybe you think of a speaker talking to a group.
What you probably don’t think of is you, talking to yourself, in your head!
Do you know that we communicate with ourselves more than we communicate with anyone else?
I found a few statistics that you might be interested in. We humans, it seems, have anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day, and according to some research, as many as 80 percent of our thoughts are negative.
80%!! What kind of impact does that have on your life and what can you do to turn that around?
It’s in our nature to think negative thoughts about everything, including ourselves. Our brains are hardwired that way for survival. We’re constantly looking for danger and trying to keep ourselves safe.
This may have been necessary back in the caveman days, when we were hunting for our food and running away from the saber tooth tiger, who was also hunting for his food, but this type of thinking doesn’t serve us well anymore.
While we’re all born with a certain metabolic level, there are things we can do to naturally boost it.
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Our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings determine our actions, or our inaction.
Your thoughts create your feelings. This means if you’re constantly thinking things like, “I’m going to embarrass myself,” or “No one is going to talk to me,” as you walk you into a holiday party, you’re probably going to feel very nervous and, and won’t be as approachable, which basically makes your thoughts come true. Or, if you’re thinking, “I’m never going to be able to control myself” as you look at the party buffet, you most likely won’t feel very confident. Very often, those negative thoughts can quickly turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your thoughts have a big impact on how you feel and behave, which can cause negative self-talk to become completely self-destructive. Telling yourself that you’ll never live up to your mother’s standards for a holiday gathering, or that you aren’t as good a cook as your cousin, will only cause you to view yourself as less-than and unworthy, and will consistently create a less-than-enjoyable holiday for you.
I tend to be very analytical and direct in my communication style, which means I’m that way when I think about myself as well. I’m always critiquing myself and looking for what I did wrong or what I need to do better, even sometimes comparing myself to others that are good at the things I want to be good at. This is something that I’ve recently started to be much more conscious of.
5 STEPS TO POSITIVE THINKING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
Here are 5 things that I’ve done, and that you can try as well, to turn that kind of thinking around, so that it serves you in a way that helps you grow and progress instead of holding yourself back.
- Be more aware of your thoughts about yourself. You can’t change it if you’re not aware of it. Catch yourself when you start to criticize yourself in a negative way. If you’re thinking, I’m not good at holiday party small-talk, turn it around and think, I’m getting better every day at mingling and chatting.
2. Don’t ruminate in your negative thoughts. If you have a negative thought, acknowledge it, and move on. Don’t sit and stew in it, causing things to spiral out of control into a pity party that goes on and on. So you didn’t get cards out this year. It’s okay, move-on.
3. Ask yourself what advice you’d give to a friend. If you have a negative thought about yourself, ask yourself if you’d criticize your best friend or your child that way, and what would you say to them instead. Would you want your friend to beat herself up just because she ate a piece of pie? Or, would you tell her it’s okay that she indulged and that she can walk some extra steps?
4. Look for the evidence. When a negative thought occurs, ask yourself is this true? Often times we exaggerate the truth in our minds, and it gets bigger and bigger until it’s nowhere near the truth anymore. This is especially true when our brains are tired and stressed, which they can definitely get this time of year! One way to combat the holiday stress and exhaustion is to get out and be active with your family and/ or friends! That way you can ditch the guilt over the piece of pie, you can bond with the people that you care about AND you can engage those healthy hormones that come from activity and that keep your energy up!
5. What’s the worst that could happen? If you’re worried that you’ll eat to much, or that you won’t put on as great of a dinner as your sister did last year, what’s the worst thing that could happen? And can you live with that? Once you think about the worst possible outcome and your feelings in response to that, you’ve already experienced it. At that point you know that you’ll survive no matter what the outcome.
The most important person you communicate with is yourself. The private conversations you have with yourself can be either a powerful stepping stone or a major obstacle to reaching your goals. You can recognize areas where you want to improve, or you can cause your performance to suffer making it impossible reach your goals. Learning to use some of these techniques to quiet your inner critic can help you to coach yourself in a productive helpful way so that no matter what your goals are, they’re always within your reach.
And don’t forget… You can always take something healthy to any potluck buffet this holiday! Try my Sweet Potato Toast Points!
Shannon Labrador is a certified health and nutrition coach, and she helps busy multitasking superwomen learn to take back control of their health so they can lose weight and feel great about their body without counting calories or feeling deprived.
She’s on a mission to teach other women that no matter how “busy” they are, they can always make time for what’s important, and their health should always be on the top of that list! She works with women in her signature coaching program, using macro-based meal plans and healthy habits that are sustainable for life, to help them transform their bodies, health, and their lives. 
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While we’re all born with a certain metabolic level, there are things we can do to naturally boost it.
Discover 6 Ways to Rev Up Your Metabolism with Shannon Labrador’s tip sheet.
CLICK the button below and we will send Shannon’s tips to you.
2 Responses
Most people feel inadequate at times that you experience these feelings daily, constantly, and can still show up for your family and community and for yourself as a more accurate measure of who you are. People are not defined by their feelings or actions. But if you must know yourself as something, you should know that you are as deserving of feeling ok as anyone. You are as qualified to take credit for your life as anyone. Sure, you and your benefits and resources even internal resources are derived from the past efforts of others. So then say that. Say to yourself and to those unfortunates who try to
Thank you for your added insight to this post Sebastian!