We hear the words “authentic” or “authentically” in reference to how we present ourselves so often that they have almost become cliché. At least they are cliché enough for comedians to make fun of women who use them!
And why is that??? Because comedians see so many people showing-up in the media in general, and social media in particular, talking about being their authentic selves, but looking completely plastic! In other words, they are looking inauthentic.
But is showing up on social media with a lot of makeup, hair and lash extensions, and maybe even a nip-and-tuck really inauthentic? In this blog I’m going to dive into the truly complex question of what it means to be authentically you!
THE QUESTION OF WHAT IS FAKE
I find myself in a quandary about this subject. On the one hand, I want to encourage women to stop worrying about what their bodies look like, to stop spending a lot of time and money on makeup and clothes and to avoid things like Botox and plastic surgery. On the other hand, I applaud members of the Trans community for donning oodles of makeup, wigs and even having gender reassignment surgery if that will help make them feel whole!
Hhhmmmm….
Now, before you rush into calling me a hypocrite please allow me to explain myself. The true message I want to convey about showing up as your authentic self lies in the question of why you are showing up in the way that you do.
Are you wearing a lot of makeup, having Botox injections and enduring painful laser treatments because of what other people think of you?
Are you criticizing your body and having your fat frozen (again, a very uncomfortable process from what I’ve read) because you don’t want to be judged to be fat by other people?
Are you donning fake nails, eyelashes, hair extensions, breasts because you want to catch a romantic partner?
To me, these reasons are not examples of showing up as your authentic self.
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The other side of this coin is to ask yourself if you are showing-up in a way that feels truly right to you! This may have to do with your sex or gender. It may have to do with your love tattoos. Or, it may have to do with the fact that you love to dress-up in retro clothing and draw exaggerated cat eyes with your eyeliner. The underlying question, again, is why! Why are you showing up this way?
Are you a biological male who loves to wear drag and doesn’t care that people will call you all sorts of names from “weirdo” to “sinner?”
Do you love to get a new tattoo because you feel joy every time you look at a piece of beautiful art on your body?
Do you wear clothing that not only fits your curves, but shows them off, because you have accepted the size of your butt, your waist or your breasts?
ARE YOU WILLING TO TAKE A RISK TO SHOW UP AS ALL NATURAL?
I have a challenge for you. Post two photos on your favorite social media platform of an all-natural you. And no, I don’t mean without clothing – even if your authentic self is expressed through being naked. I don’t want you to get banned 😉
Take a picture in natural light, don’t wear makeup, pull your hair back if it’s long enough to. Wear your most comfortable clothing. Post one picture close-up of your face. Post another of your full body.
Now, ask your friends and followers to comment on what they think about the photos.
How does it feel when you think about doing this?
Does it cause anxiety? Fear? Maybe even a little panic?
Or, does it feel exciting or perhaps exhilarating?
Next, after you post the photos, check in with your feelings again. Do you feel empowered? Embarrassed? Regretful?
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Of course the main reason I want you to do this is to help you feel empowered in your natural state. I want you to show-up as your authentic self in all the ways that are authentically you. So often though, people only show-up in public as their preferred persona, whether that be in drag or with lots of falsies.
One of the most telling examples of how and why this is important comes from the Queen of Drag, RuPaul. Notice that I didn’t use a pronoun there. Sometimes she shows-up as a woman, with full makeup, wigs, dresses and heels. Sometimes, he shows up as a man, with no hair, no makeup and in a suit. Either way, RuPaul is showing up authentically.
Moreover, RuPaul was very straightforward about pronouns in “his” (the claimed pronoun in this case) 1995 autobiography in saying “you can call me he. You can call me she. You can call me Regin and Kathie Lee; I don’t care, just as long as you call me!” (Excerpted from DISTRACTIFY)
He is not afraid of what people think about him. And for that matter, neither is she!
And that, after all, is the wisdom behind the phrase, “be your authentic self.” If you are always showing-up in the world in a way that is curated to please other people, that is not your authentic self. If you are afraid of being criticized because of what you wear or don’t wear, because of your body, because of your acne, because of whatever… try it one little step at a time.
Start with my challenge. And if that’s too much, only post the photos so that your closest friends (the ones you really trust to be supportive) see them. Then try opening-up the post to others.
I think you will be pleasantly surprised at their reaction.
FIND A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY
I know it’s hard to find a supportive community in which you can show up as your authentic self. Not to mention how difficult the social distancing of Covid-19 has made this.
That’s why I created the Peaceful Living Community Group! We are a group of heart centered people (mostly feminine-identified) who cheer each other on, share our challenges and support each other.
Come on over and JOIN us! It’s FREE 🙂
With All My Love and Support,
Jen
JEN ROBINSON
Jen Robinson is the creative force behind the wellness brand Peaceful Living Wellness which is dedicated to providing a wide-variety of high-quality wellness information. Jen is also the creator of the Peaceful Living Wellness life coaching division, and offers workshops, individual and group coaching as well as retreats where she guides women in using Mindfulness and Mindset to build their inner strength on a foundation of inner peace. Jen also is the co-creator of the business coaching brand CEO Mindset that guides entrepreneurs in building their businesses without burning out.
The latest addition to her repertoire is that she recently signed-on as the Wellness Director for the business development company Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs . She is very excited to be leading this group of dynamic women entrepreneurs into success in their businesses and lives!
The most important part of Jen’s life are her two very active teenagers, AJ & Layna!
Jen’s Mindfulness and Mindset techniques inform her business, her parenting and her life!
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