The thing about ambitious people is that they want each area of their life to be to the max. Striving for betterment can be a positive human trait. To strive for self improvement is something we should all do. However, it also can be a problem when it comes to achieving genuine health…
As a health coach/therapist, I work with many high achievers. Folks at the top of their craft who are also pursuing parenting, hobbies and side hustles. On top of all that they want the physique they covet.
THE THING HIGH ACHIEVERS JUST DON’T “GET”
The thing that many ambitious people don’t “get” about overall health and wellness goals is that there is a lot of slowing down that is needed to achieve genuine health. You cannot power or “busy” your way through downshifting your nervous system. In fact, you are required to do the opposite! Whether it’s a massage, meditation, a walk in nature, or some quiet time and a cup of tea, these dowshifts are necessary for your optimal health.
Yes, this can feel boring and useless to go-getters. But, can someone tell me a better way to balance cortisol, be intentional, and get into a parasympathetic state? Nope, there is no pill or shortcut for that.
Ideal health is also not a destination that once achieved, you have forever. Maybe the college degree is. Maybe the vacation home is. But, your ideal health and balance are not. Once you have reached your ideal it is a daily requirement to continue the stretching, yoga, meditation, and mindfulness it took you to get there in the first place if you want to stay where you are. Otherwise, you will plummet back to that state of stressed-out ground zero.
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REMAIN CALM AND CARRY ON – LONG TERM
The genuine calm radiance of an ideal hormonal specimen, the person who is consistent in mood and presence, has the muscles of a racehorse and the flexibility and posture of a ballerina- I have news for you: they don’t grind 24/7. Because, you can’t muscle and work your way to that goal. You have to deliberately and calmly do those things in the long term. You have to forgo the work hard, play hard mentality. You have to incorporate true self-care.
Let’s talk about self-care for a moment. True self-care does not lie in the face masks, lotions, bath bombs and cosmetics that the beauty industry markets as a product to be sold. Checking those boxes usually leaves the customer with a lackluster feeling and the beauty company with a higher bottom line.
The kind of self-care that enables you to maintain nutrition goals, hard workouts and tag games with your kids is the kind we often don’t feel worthy of so we don’t do these things for ourselves. The kind of self-care I’m talking about includes things like preserving your energy by declining plans, stretching at night when all you want to do is drink a glass of wine, stopping yourself from texting/calling back when you do not want to, waking up an hour earlier than everyone else in the household so you can have some quiet time and blocking out 30 minutes for lunch everyday.
These are the things that say “Me, first.” These are the restorative things that help us know that we are not betraying ourselves. That is the hard work- the stuff in the pauses- that makes or breaks true health and happiness for the long term.
Ashley Damaj is a Cornell trained Nutritionist, USC trained masters-level therapist, and post-masters Board Certified Behavior Analyst. An avid athlete, yogi, organic farmer, and chef; Ashley lives with her husband and daughter in Newport Beach, California.
She is the founder of Mothership Wellness, Inc., an integrative private practice. The backbone of her business is working directly with clients on ten pillars of wellness that are assessed and improved through actionable, short term, goal oriented individualized programs.
As a former pack a day smoker, drug/alcohol abuser, and overweight individual, Ashley’s mission is to bring behavior modification science and empirical solutions to individuals and families who want to make the move to a more healthy lifestyle be in alignment with the fullest expression of themselves.
She has worked in both corporate and clinical settings over the course of her career. Ashley has held Director level positions at a Fortune 5 companies, to clinical positions in a variety of therapeutic settings
(juvenile hall, domestic violence centers, in-home therapy, facility settings, etc.). Ashley has with diverse clientele of all ages using CBT, ACT and Behavior Analytic modalities for over a decade.
