Being a mom of a child with autism is an everyday challenge. We’re built differently. Some of us may have been born that way, but a lot of us were never given a choice. You see, you get pregnant and you have a vision of how things will be. Sure, you know you will be more tired than normal, but you truly do not realize what you are signing up for. Being a mom is all-encompassing. It’s exhausting, it’s overwhelming but it’s also worth it.
However, when you have a child with autism, it’s just different. Not a good difference, not a bad difference but different. You see, some people know early on. All of the signs are there and it’s easier to diagnose (Not easier to digest, just easier to know for certain). But then there are a lot of cases that are not quite as simple. The spectrum is so very long and bumpy and curvy–well, you get it. The trials and tribulations, the ups and downs, the uncertainty.
You see, I came into having a child knowing it wouldn’t be easy and honestly, I was much more thin-skinned. I have morphed into the mother that you needed me to be. It took some time and lots of tears but I think that I am what you need.
The Hard Days
I could never have envisioned the nights in the ER because you lost it mentally and you were at your wit’s end. We were, too. The ache that runs so deep into my soul and stays with me forever, waiting for the next episode, waiting to be scared shitless yet again. Oh, the bullying. That is one of the trials that is a little harder to compartmentalize.
I’m your mom, not your bodyguard but what I wouldn’t give to beat the shit out of some little asshole that loves to pick on what they perceive as flaws any chance they get. I tell you they probably come from an unloving home. Is that true? Or are they just as loved as you but no one ever told them how to treat those that are different? For the sake of my momma’s heart, I hope not. We all make mistakes but how can others be so heartless?
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The many, many unsolicited opinions come from those that think they know better than me but have never even imagined the things that we have had to face together. They don’t know the aching hurt that follows me everywhere I go. It’s impossible to understand the experience of parenting a child with autism unless you’ve lived it. I used to let it get to me but now I just let it roll off my back. Funny how time makes us so much stronger when we could not have envisioned it that way at the start.
Questioning Everything
The battles of not knowing if we are doing it right. Was I too hard on him that time, should I have approached it differently? What are we supposed to do to make it better for him? Am I advocating for him as hard as I should? Is he getting all of the accommodations that he needs to thrive? And on and on and on.
Facing the Unknown
The unknown future that lies ahead.
Will he be able to go out into this cruel harsh world and not get gobbled up?
Will he be able to get a job?
Will he be happy and independent?
Should we just assume that he will live with us for the rest of his life?
There are so many things I could write about parenting a child with autism and I promise I’m not complaining. I love my son and all of my children with all of my heart (ok, fine…my hubby gets a piece of said heart, too). But these thoughts are valid and they take over sometimes. It’s okay to feel all of the feelings but the most important thing is to keep moving forward. We cannot know what tomorrow holds but we can love our family so fiercely that we forget to worry about what comes next.
AMANDA BIRD
Amanda is a social media manager for Peaceful Living Wellness and assists in graphic design and product merchandizing with the Peaceful Living Wellness Brand. She is also a coaching trainee with Peaceful Living Wellness whom looks forward to working with Parents of children with Special Needs.
She is now a blogger for the Peaceful Living website and also has her own mental health blog at www.awordfrommommabird.com. There you can find real, raw stories about raising a child with special needs, living with chronic illness and overcoming mental health struggles along her journey with some sprinkles of humor.
She has been married to her husband Shannon for 16 years and they have 3 beautiful, active children that are the ages 13, 11 and 6. They tend to have a menagerie in their home but they currently house a boxer that was a rescue, a redefined barn kitty, a studious bearded dragon and sassy parakeet.
You can usually find Amanda volunteering for the kids’ latest school fundraiser, opening up a food pantry in her driveway (totally normal) or running her kids to their latest and greatest after school extra-curricular, among other things. She enjoys supporting her community and currently has a support page active on Facebook for parents of children with special needs.
