Baby Got Back!
~ Anonymous guys on the beach
The inspiration for today’s blog came from a moment this morning when I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, “Wow! My boobs are big!” (Okay, really they’re not that big… but for me, they are). Accepting my body as it is has been a HUGE challenge for me! So this was an interesting thought to cross my mind. I actually thought something nice about my body.
I have a Pinterest board dedicated to “Being Brave About Body Image.” I repost other’s blogs about body image and talk a lot about how OTHER people are being so brave about body image. But to date, I have not told my own story. So now is the time:
Back to my big boobs… I recently went on a bra-buying spree. It is VERY HOT here in The South during the summer!!!! And don’t even get me started on the humidity! So my cute, but cheap Target bras were just not holding up well in any way, shape, or form in the heat. So I decided to go buy some quality bras. It just so happened that I put one of those bras on today with a fairly tight fitting white T-shirt and then happened to glance in the mirror – what a difference a good bra makes! Thank you Soma Intimates (& no this is not an affiliate marketing kudo).
I thought to myself, “for the first time in my life I feel like I’m proportionate.” You see, I’ve always been heavy on the bottom and fairly flat chested. Even when I was twenty years old, weighed 118 lbs, and had abs of steel, I still had a “bubble butt” and “thunder thighs.” And yet, I only wore a B cup. This was in the pre-Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez bubble butts are sexy days. I HATED my butt and thighs!!
One time in college, I was walking down by the beach and some guys were hanging out on the boardwalk. I had on “bike” shorts with a large sweatshirt that I thought I had pulled down over my offensive thighs and butt. Apparently my sweatshirt had ridden up in the back so my booty in those tight shorts was on display. As I walked by, I heard one of the guys say, “Ooohhh baby got back!”
I was MORTIFIED!!!! Instead of finishing my walk, I walked straight home and told my boyfriend at the time what happened. He laughed and said, “Jen, I’m pretty sure that was a compliment. Guys like butts and they say that when they like what they see.”
I was not sure what to think. My first reaction was that I wanted to run back down to the beach and kiss those guys J My second reaction was to think, “oh but even if they liked it, they were still saying my butt is big.”
So there you have it – this is my constant struggle! As much as I passionately want other women to love their bodies, and for society to accept bodies in all of their shapes and forms, I struggle with the back-and-forth conversation in my head about accepting my own body.
So back to my big boobs again… After complimenting myself on what I now think of as my “nice rack” I proceeded to go on my walk (yes, I like to walk). One would think that I went out with a nice self-assured jaunt in my step. And yes, I did. Until I saw my shadow…
I guess you could say that I’m scared of my shadow – LOL
What I saw in my shadow was my BIG BUTT again!!! There it was, coming back to haunt me. All those thoughts of, “it’s so nice that I’m proportionate now,” were nowhere to be found in my head. All I could think of was how all the people driving down the road next to where I was walking were probably thinking, “she should be running, not walking,” snicker snicker, “look at that HUGE ASS.”
Even as I was thinking about this blog and how I wanted to write about finally having some body-acceptance, I allowed that horrid inner critic to rear to her ugly head.
Here’s what I want to share with you all:
Body acceptance is a process.
It can, and probably will be, about taking two steps forward and then one step back. And that’s okay as long as you move forward again.
And most importantly, even if you have a big butt, thunder thighs, bird legs, stick arms, or whatever you inner critic tells you, you are still beautiful!
Our bodies are all different: Some of us are short, some tall, and some medium. Nobody outside of the middle school hallways tells a short person to grow or a tall person to shrink. So why should anyone tell a fat person to slim down or a skinny person to bulk up?
Finally, I am back to a place of body acceptance today and happily admiring my figure 🙂
Please stay tuned for more on this topic over the next 3 weeks:
“Obesity: What is it? What are the REAL health risks?”
“Celebrating Body-Positive Activists”
“5 Steps to Finding Body Acceptance”
Please share your own stories about body acceptance and coming out of the body image closet!
Love and Light,
Jen
I want to say, “thank you,” to Ragen Chastain from the Dances With Fat blog, Mirna Valerio from the Fat Girl Running blog, Emily Brown from the Body Love by Emily blog and program, Instagram star Jessamyn Stanley @mynameisjessamyn, Anna Guest-Jelley founder of Curvy Yoga and of course Dr. Linda Bacon the creator of Health at Every Size for their inspiration and bravery!
