As parents, we all strive to raise children who are not only successful but also compassionate and appreciative. With the holiday season upon us, it’s the perfect opportunity to “level up” the value of gratitude in our tweens/teens. In this blog, we will explore some practical tips and strategies to foster a sense of appreciation in your adolescents during this festive time of year.
Lead by Example
Children often emulate the behavior they see in their parents. When they were younger, we showed them how to tie their shoelaces and what it meant to be a good friend. This was how they learned to negotiate the world. Much of this modeling has not changed. While many of the lessons we teach have evolved (like how to shave your legs and negotiate friendship drama), our tweens/teens are still looking to us to demonstrate how to handle certain situations while holding fast to our values.
Ensure you are demonstrating gratitude in your actions and expressions. This is more than just an off-handed “thank you.” But a “true thank you,” which may involve a note or a phone call to express appreciation. Let your tweens/teens know the things for which you are thankful or how you felt when someone did something nice for you.
When it comes time for them to give gifts to their loved ones (family or friends), show them how you consider these purchases. Let them know your process – not just about spending money, but rather what is something the recipient will find meaningful? Emphasize the joy of giving and receiving thoughtful, meaningful gifts over an abundance of possessions. While it is wonderful to get gifts (especially those for which you have been longing), the feeling of getting someone a present that is “just perfect” is just as thrilling!
Engage in Meaningful Conversations
The holidays are not the first time your tweens/teens should be a part of conversations about gratitude. I find that it is always easy to remember the big things for which you are grateful – friends, family, home, etc, but what about the little things? At dinner (often to the exasperation of my girls), I have us go around the table and give 3 things that happened that day for which we are thankful. I want them to consider the “little things” – a note from a friend, watching our pup chase a butterfly, etc.
In allowing them to openly communicate the things for which they are grateful, as parents, we get a glimpse into their values. Allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment creates a safe (and normative ) space for discussing gratitude. Making it a routine helps reinforce the habit of acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of life.
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Volunteer Together
Many schools have added volunteering as part of their curricula. Taking advantage of this opportunity as a family can be a powerful way to instill gratitude and appreciation. Instead of just dropping your tween/teen off to do their civic duty, participate in local community service projects or volunteer at a charity together. These shared experiences not only strengthen family bonds but also teach the importance of giving back. Make it an annual tradition that your tweens/teens will look forward to each year. Additionally, let them choose the charity in which they would like to participate. It is a good way to know what issues are near and dear to them.
Set Limits on Materialism
Easier said than done, I know. We live in a consumer-driven society where it is easy for tweens and teens to get caught up in materialistic pursuits. This is one of those lessons that is best taught throughout the year so that when the holiday season comes around, it is not that difficult to practice restraint.
Set limits on gift expectations. For instance, this year we decided to add to our family and welcomed a new puppy named Carter. Our daughters already adore our other four-year-old golden retriever and knew how happy a sweet little pupper would make them! This was not a cheap investment. We sat the girls down to set their expectations as to what their other presents would be like this year in light of the new furry addition to the family.
When the girls were younger, I encouraged them to make gifts for each other at Christmas. However, we have moved past these DIY presents. Now, each girl has a set amount for how much she would like to spend on her sister. In all honesty, I would have preferred to see them use their own money to buy these gifts, but I wanted them to have more freedom in choice. As they get older, I plan on instilling this caveat in later years and having them spend their own funds on each other.
Encourage Personal Reflection
Gratitude is a process that requires mindful attention and careful consideration. All too often our tweens and teens are caught up in the fads of the moment – be it clothing, music, etc and the opinion of the masses becomes their opinion. However, it is important to prompt your teens to reflect on their own lives. Consider giving them a journal in which they can write three things for which they are thankful every day. They don’t have to share it with anyone, but are encouraged to take the time to reflect. If an empty page may be a little too daunting, there are other gratitude journals out there that have prompts and may make it easier for them to express their feelings. And if writing proves to be awkward still, there are lots of apps (one of which I use) as a daily gratitude journal.
There are lots of ways in which we can promote these mindful moments in our teens/tweens. Find out which one works best for them (and you, even if you would like to make it a family endeavor).
Conclusion
This holiday season, let’s join hands in nurturing gratitude within our teens. By leading through example, fostering open communication, engaging in meaningful activities, and establishing positive family traditions, we can empower our adolescents to approach life with appreciation and thankfulness. Together, we can shape a generation that not only achieves success but also understands the profound beauty in acknowledging and expressing gratitude. May your family enjoy a holiday season filled with love, joy, and a deep sense of appreciation.
NEELMA PYFROM
Hi! I’m Neelma, a Certified Life Coach/Life Strategist specializing in helping teens and young adults (and the families who love them) deal with anxiety, depression, confidence, and motivation. Together, we negotiate the hardships of the adolescent years -learning the skills needed in order to help them become successful adults who have found their peace, purpose, and authenticity. I have a passion for time management and positive habit formation and love sharing everything I learn (forever student) with the folks I coach.
In my spare time, I enjoy running, meditating, reading, crossword puzzle-ing, and boating with my husband and our two girls and our furbaby.
