Wait? What? Does gratitude come with guilt???
This may be your initial reaction to the title of this blog. My answer, unfortunately, is, “yes, it sometimes does.”
There are those of us who will take a feeling of gratitude and shove it right down into a pit of negativity. We will think that we are not deserving. We will think that it is not fair that we have something and others don’t. We may even think gratitude is a feeling that is similar to greed.
Please notice that I am using the pronoun “we.” This is because, years ago, back in my “stinkin’ thinkin’” days, I was the queen of feeling guilty – about everything – including gratitude!
I also have witnessed many of my coaching clients over the years struggle with this same issue.
It is December, the season of giving here in western world. It is a time to celebrate and to be grateful! But, the importance of letting go of any guilt associated with gratitude goes beyond the season. This is something that is an important life practice!
WHY IS GRATITUDE IMPORTANT?
Just like any other positive thought, gratitude promotes both mind and body health by suppressing the stress-hormone cortisol. By suppressing cortisol gratitude allows us to feel good about ourselves and life. It also allows us to avoid stress-related diseases, such as heart disease and diabetes. Now that’s what I call a Win-Win!
It is also true that people who feel good are more likely to practice healthy behaviors in life. People who feel sincere gratitude are more likely to exercise, to eat healthy foods and to practice other forms of positive thinking in addition to gratitude.
Gratitude also helps us to create deeper bonds with other humans. Human connection is one of the best things we can do not only for ourselves, but also for others. When we feel grateful for other people we become more trusting of them AND of other human beings in general.
Just like with the individuals who are more likely to practice healthy behaviors. People who are in supportive and mutually affectionate relationships are also more likely to practice healthy behaviors!
WHY IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT GRATITUDE HARMFUL?
It is not an unhealthy emotion to feel guilty in general. When we do something that is harmful to others it is important to feel a sense of guilt. However, I prefer to use the term “conscientiousness.” – I know, that’s a much bigger word & rather hard to spell 😉 – But, I think in the English language it has a more purposeful meaning than the word guilt.
For example, the word conscientious implies that we put conscious thought into our actions. Guilt, on the other hand, merely implies that we did something wrong or bad. Conscientiousness is about taking personal responsibility and making amends. Guilt, may or may not include these things. In my experience conscientiousness resolves with positivity, while guilt rarely does.
Through my own experience, and the experiences relayed to me by my clients, it is more often than not guilt, not conscientiousness, that accompanies gratitude. This means that no good can come of it!
Gratitude accompanied by guilt can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety and overwhelm. When you feel guilt with your gratitude you override the health benefits of the feeling of gratitude with the health detriments of the negative guilt.
WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY ABOUT GRATITUDE
As is the case with most negative feelings, feelings of guilt about gratitude can come from a number of different sources. If you feel guilt with your gratitude ask yourself the following questions:
- Did your parents repeatedly tell you that you were ungrateful as you were growing up?
- Did your parents, or other adults in your life, use guilt as a way to mold your behavior?
- Were you brought-up in a religious organization that used guilt as a way to teach people about right and wrong?
- Are you still practicing that religion?
- Are you a perfectionist, and/ or type-A personality and use guilt as a way to motivate yourself?
- Are you a person who cares so deeply about others that you forget to care about yourself?
- Do you struggle with feelings of self-worth?
- Do you believe that others are more deserving of good things than you?
- Do you have a boss that uses guilt to motivate their employees?
- Are you surrounded by people who use guilt as a mode of communication?
- Are you married to, or partnered with, someone who uses guilt as primary element in your relationship?
These are just a few of the many questions a good therapist or coach can help you explore in order to figure out why you associate your gratitude with guilt.
TIPS TO RELIEVE GUILT AND EMBRACE GRATITUDE
It is very important to process the origins of unhealthy guilt with a coach or therapist. This is something that can take some time though. In the meantime, here are some positive affirmations you can use to get rid of the guilt and embrace gratitude!
- Gratitude is something that EVERYONE deserves to feel.
- Gratitude is something that helps you feel good when you let it.
- Gratitude is something that bonds people together with positivity.
- If you receive a gift, you deserve it.
- If you receive a compliment, you deserve it.
- If you receive an award, you deserve it.
- Guilt associated with something given to you, is misplaced, unhealthy guilt.
- Unhealthy guilt harms you both emotionally and physically.
- Unhealthy guilt separates you from the giver and can actually make the giver feel bad.
Overall, remember, if you let go of unhealthy guilt and embrace the warm and comforting feeling of gratitude, you will reap the benefits both emotionally and physically. You will also create lasting bonds with other people when you express sincere gratitude to them. This helps them feel those warm and comforting feelings too!
AND DON’T FORGET TO EXPRESS GRATITUDE, & DITCH THE GUILT, TO YOURSELF! It is really important that you give yourself a warm and loving pat-on-the back or high-five when you do good things for yourself!
With Love & Gratitude!
Jen
JEN ROBINSON
Jen Robinson is the creative force behind the wellness brand Peaceful Living Wellness which is dedicated to providing a wide-variety of high-quality wellness information. Jen is also the creator of the Peaceful Living Wellness life coaching division, and offers workshops, individual and group coaching as well as retreats where she guides women in using Mindfulness and Mindset to build their inner strength on a foundation of inner peace. Jen also is the co-creator of the business coaching brand CEO Mindset that guides entrepreneurs in building their businesses without burning out.
The latest addition to her repertoire is that she recently signed-on as the Wellness Director for the business development company Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs . She is very excited to be leading this group of dynamic women entrepreneurs into success in their businesses and lives!
The most important part of Jen’s life are her two very active teenagers, AJ & Layna!
Jen’s Mindfulness and Mindset techniques inform her business, her parenting and her life!
FACEBOOK FACEBOOK GROUP INSTAGRAM PINTEREST
