If you’ve been reading my posts for the last few months, you probably know that I’m a passionate advocate for using excitement to sustain a fun and fulfilling relationship. Recently, we discussed how to get into the driver’s seat of your sex life to have an ultra-satisfying romantic life.
But, some of you are likely still wondering how to “start” that engine in the first place.
When partners live more like roommates than as an in-love couple, life can feel lonely. This is when the temptation to look outside of one’s relationship for romantic excitement can creep in. Instead of traveling down this dangerous path, put the excitement back into your own relationship!
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How do you achieve this seemingly lofty (or in some cases, impossible) goal? Have an “affair” with your spouse or partner! Scary? I dare you to go for it!
Here are my top five tips for having a tantalizing “affair” with your spouse or partner:
Set the scene: Convince yourselves into thinking that you’re actually having an affair
You can’t have a proper “affair” with the same person that you see each and every day. Now is the perfect time for you and your partner to change things up by adopting an alter ego. Genuinely strive to convince each other that you are having an affair!
Go all-in by ordering a wig, sexy new clothing (that you would never dare wear as yourself!), or other sexy disguises. Also, come up with new names for each other.
If that sounds a little too gutsy for you, not to worry! Simple changes can also add some thrill into your “new” relationship. For example, you can change up the color of your hair, freshen up the bikini line, or go bare altogether! Create an element of surprise for your partner and allow them to fantasize about YOU! You may not realize that, in doing so, you have created a new image for yourself. That little boost of confidence can allow for some bravery in the boudoir!
Schedule a date night & role play
More often than not, humans are creatures of habit. This is definitely not the time to stick with your good ol’ routine. Rather, unleash your passion in one of these steamy role playing games!
For some, this will be way out of your comfort zone. But stay with me on this! If this idea sounds like something you would never do, then I’m glad to have caught your attention. Most sex therapists agree that the very thing that can help us with desire is to add excitement and budding romance. So go for it! We are your cheerleaders.
Role play: The Co-Worker Mistress
Set the scene by sending your spouse/partner an invitation to meet you at a hotel bar. From the get-go, pretend you are someone else — perhaps a co-worker at an advertising agency. You could write something like this: “Oh hi Jake, so happy you did the finishing work on the account. Let’s celebrate!”
Once on your date, turn up the flirtations with your spouse’s/partner’s alter ego. Put your hand on their knee and stroke their thighs. Slip your spouse/partner the key to your hotel room. With a breathy voice, whisper in your sexiest voice: “I will see you in my room in 10 minutes.” Make your partner wait in anticipation (this will also give you time to freshen up!). When your partner shows up at the door, take their breath away by wearing attire that is ultra-sexy. This will set your partner (and you) on FIRE!
Related Post: Use These Expert Strategies To Ignite Your Sex Drive!: Part One
A Romp in Nature: Plan a Sexy Surprise for Your Partner!
Surround yourself with nature and completely let your guard down. City sounds and neighborhood chatter will always be there at home. Creating a completely private spot can help you let go of your inhibitions. Feel your primal inner tiger/tigress come out. Now, imagine all that with the excitement of capturing your partner, and whisking them off somewhere.
A few key points to keep in mind:
- Make arrangements for where you will be staying (at least one night to fully grasp the relaxation and let down your guard).
- Coordinate child/pet care if needed.
- Pack for BOTH of you. After all, they don’t know what’s coming!
- Blindfold your partner when you have the opportunity to pick them up at a spontaneous spot.
- KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF! Nobody needs to know your secret plan. It is an affair after all!
If at first you don’t succeed, keep going and LEAD the way!
Opening yourself up to something that feels new and vulnerable can be challenging. Having an “affair” with your partner is no easy task. At least one of you will need to fuel the fire and keep up the momentum. Once the trail is paved by you or your partner, it will feel much more natural. So be that trailblazer and lead your partner!
Here are three ways to keep up the momentum going:
Shop for sexy clothes and lingerie: Purchase new clothing that makes you feel your sexiest. Slip on each item and practice your sexy walk and your daring talk. Doing this will help you exude confidence (the biggest turn-on ever!). On a tight budget? Find the sexiest thing in your closet and skip wearing anything underneath!
Sexy-talk: Create a character that uses a slow, deep, and sexy voice (or whatever you feel comfortable pulling off). Become someone new and explore where your imagination will take you. Don’t just talk though. Use your eyes. Follow your partner with a sultry yet serious expression as they walk around the room. Keep focus on them for a while, and then look away. Enjoy a little game of cat and mouse until your partner really asks for your undivided attention.
Leave a little something to the imagination: Hold back on showing it all!
Teasing is fun, but taking something away can be even more tantalizing. Next time you are changing in front of each other, don’t let your partner see you completely naked. Show a little skin, but don’t give away the goods. You might be surprised at how much heat this tiny tactic can generate!
Also:
-At your next party, grab their hand and take them to a closet or small room. Devour their neck — short of giving them a hickey. Give them the deepest kiss you have ever given anybody. When it is starting to get very steamy, leave. Yes, LEAVE them wanting more…
-No parties to attend? Just do this at home. It is far better than Netflix!
Related Post: Are You And Your Partner Too Tired For Sex? Explore These Creative Strategies To Stay Connected: Part 1
Laugh at yourselves. It’s all fun!
Laughing together will keep your bond strong, and it will release stress at the same time.
According to helpguide.org, “Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress.”
Laughter and humor have had scientists applauding for years! Both have significantly positive effects on the body and brain. Not to mention, what is sexier than someone who can make you laugh?! So while you are having an “affair” with your partner, laugh together — and at yourself.
MARIE-CLAIRE
M-C is a highly-acclaimed Relationship, Conscious Loving and Sexuality coach, author, educator, and entrepreneur. Her mission is to provide couples with fun and innovative solutions that help them build strong futures with each other. M-C has crafted her unique coaching method to focus couples — both dating and married — on working through present obstacles in an enjoyable manner.
She has accumulated over 30 years of teaching experience, and over 10 years of one-on-one coaching experience. M-C is trained in Gottman’s Therapy (Level 2), and is a board certified ASSECT and WASC Intimacy Coach.
Her devotion to helping couples inspired her to write the best-selling and award-winning book, Honeymoon Playbook. M-C frequently makes appearances on some of Canada’s top TV shows, and co-hosts The Passion Perspective podcast.
For a more intensive experience, M-C hosts workshops and retreats throughout the year, including Feminine Shifts, Tantric Sex, and Intimacy and Cancer. To keep up-to-date on her latest events and appearances — and to schedule your FREE 15 minute discovery call — visit www.relationshipbliss.ca.
