I am not going to say that raising a child with special needs is for the faint of heart because honestly, I hate it when people say that. This is not something you choose. Not every family is chosen equally. Not every child gets the same advantages of having two involved parents that care greatly and do what they can to help you succeed. And see, that’s where it gets really sticky.
Right now, we have a child that sometimes says inappropriate things. But we also have a team of people that are trying their best to help him succeed. Parents that believe they can get him there. A psychiatrist and therapist helping through the process and some other resources that mom and dad are finally figuring out now that we have the Autism diagnosis. Sadly, even when a child has multiple diagnoses, it is still so very hard to get that disability label to help them receive the services that they so badly need.
What happens when these children become adults and they didn’t receive the same support. Would said person be out there saying inappropriate things and being impulsive? Who would be there to support them, advocate for them and make sure they are staying out of trouble? See what I mean when I say that it can get sticky?
Let me give you an example of what could happen without those supports and why it is so very important that a child is supported well beyond the young years.
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A Recent Experience
The other day we were at McDonald’s celebrating our youngest child’s birthday. Yup, she picked McDonald’s for dinner when she could have picked anything. I’ll never get it, but that’s beside the point. When I went to sit where my daughter had picked, this lady beside me warned me that the boy (looked about 18ish) a few tables away had been harassing the patrons. There was a group of teen girls that left and she said he had been coming over and getting into her kids’ faces asking them odd questions. We chatted for a minute and I mentioned that maybe he was autistic. She said the same and that she had worked in special education at the high school.
(*I know I have no authority to make a diagnosis without intensive evaluation. This is just a what-if-he-was scenario and it made me look at the whole situation in a totally different light.)
We sit down. The young adult yells to the table across from him, “How’d you get those blue eyes?” The man had just sat down with his two young kids.
Man replied, “God.”
He then asks, “I want green eyes. How can I get them!”
Man says, “Contacts.”
He then says, “Are you from Europe?”
Man, “No.”
I don’t’ remember the rest of the conversation but the man said something like,
“Are you alright, man?”
The young adult does not respond.
The guy had to go get their food from the counter so he has his kids come with him.
They sit back down and the young adult keeps going.
So, the guy gets up with his kids and sits somewhere else without saying anything.
The young adult starts yelling, “You’re fucking racist!”
He then goes to grab something out of his bookbag, and I see my husband tense up and get ready to pounce if need be. Sucks that’s how it has to be in this world but it’s just the reality.
The guy takes out a phone and starts recording while yelling, “You’re a fucking racist!” again.
The manager of the McDonald’s comes out and tells him calmly that he has to leave because he is harassing the customers. He yelled some other stuff but my mom had called at that point so I didn’t hear everything.
The man yells out that they need to call the cops. The man then calls the cops (not sure why he told them to).
The young guy then yells, “What so they can shoot me like they have shot many other black men” and whatever else was said.
We Need to Talk about Mental Health
This whole scenario was terrifying, frustrating but also heart breaking. The man was most likely on the spectrum or dealing with undiagnosed mental illness. Who knows if he was on illicit drugs? Maybe he was unmedicated and needed his meds that he would normally take. He should not have been there alone. He should have had someone with him helping him in this situation. You cannot tell me that he has not done something like this before. Was he ever taught how to communicate in a public setting? Does he have any support at home? The list goes on and on.
It’s a problem and it’s only going to get worse. It is important that these issues be talked about.
This is why all of you need to continue doing what you are doing for mental health. There need to be more resources for people with mental illness and disabilities as adults. I know it’s already hard enough to find resources for kids struggling with mental health and special needs. But what happens when they are adults?
And I don’t have answers. I wish I did. More needs to be done. Keep putting it out there. Do your research on how you can impact the community for change in these areas. Check out the links below.
Resources for Mental Health Advocacy:
United States:
SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) OR TTY: 1-800-487-4889 for referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community based organizations.
OR text 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you.
CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder): visit CHAD.org for opportunities to advocate, volunteer your time and provide support
Charleston area:
Charleston/Dorchester Mental Health Center @ charlestondorchestermhc.org
- Volunteer opportunities to participate in various anti-stigma community events
- Assisting with office work, Mobile Crisis Unit, Mental Health Conference and more
Find ways to volunteer near you with this link: arc.mhanational.org
AMANDA BIRD
Amanda is a social media manager for Peaceful Living Wellness and assists in graphic design and product merchandizing with the Peaceful Living Wellness Brand. She is also a coaching trainee with Peaceful Living Wellness whom looks forward to working with Parents of children with Special Needs.
She is now a blogger for the Peaceful Living website and also has her own mental health blog at www.awordfrommommabird.com. There you can find real, raw stories about raising a child with special needs, living with chronic illness and overcoming mental health struggles along her journey with some sprinkles of humor.
She has been married to her husband Shannon for 16 years and they have 3 beautiful, active children that are the ages 13, 11 and 6. They tend to have a menagerie in their home but they currently house a boxer that was a rescue, a redefined barn kitty, a studious bearded dragon and sassy parakeet.
You can usually find Amanda volunteering for the kids’ latest school fundraiser, opening up a food pantry in her driveway (totally normal) or running her kids to their latest and greatest after school extra-curricular, among other things. She enjoys supporting her community and currently has a support page active on Facebook for parents of children with special needs.
