I just witnessed the most heartfelt interaction between my son with Autism and our dog.
When someone is autistic it takes some time and patience to work through hard feelings. Those hard feelings could have come from something that seems simple to others but it is the fight response when they are displaying these meltdowns. It is not their fault. As a parent or caregiver, you have to work through it with them and show them ways to calm their body and mind when they feel so overwhelmed with emotion. But we’ve had a little extra help from our untrained therapy dog, Joeker.
Navigating Autism
You see, we did not know my son was autistic (for certain) until he was diagnosed just six months ago. It had been a suspicion of ours for a long time. We had him diagnosed at seven, and we tried to focus on those diagnoses to guide him through. Sometimes, though, we did not realize the severity of his diagnoses and the fact that he simply could not help his overwhelming emotions. He is not vying for attention or acting out to simply get his way. He is just acting on his prepubescent emotions. We have learned so much on his journey as well. We are not perfect nor do we claim to be.
When Life Gets Complicated
Yesterday, I was not feeling well and my two younger kiddos were wanting to do things after school. I didn’t have it in me because of how I was feeling. I was honest about it and told them I was on my period. There is at least one day every month when it’s hard for me to run around doing things because of the lightheadedness and other symptoms (yes, I have gone to the doctor for it, but my body can’t handle the solutions to the issue). The kids asked me a few questions about it and I gave them the appropriate answers.
Unbeknownst to me, Grayson had gone and asked Dad to take him to the store to buy me chocolate. He knows his Momma well. He wanted it to be a secret–he loves to give people little gifts and surprises.
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Well, Dad had to run around and was doing his best to lighten my load, like he usually does when I am not feeling well. In between cooking dinner and getting our youngest to soccer practice he picked up a chocolate bar for me. He brought it home and set it on the counter. I saw it and made sure he was the one to tell Grayson it was down there to give to me (I had a feeling he was up to something. Sweet boy.) Dad told him and Grayson got very upset.
You see, he had wanted to pick out my surprise and give it to me. In his eyes, the surprise was ruined because he didn’t take part in it directly and it was set on the counter where I would see it. Grayson had an idea of how he wanted the scenario to play out and that was not it. Most of us would at least feel a little upset. Heck, I get more upset about these kinds of things than I should, so I don’t wonder where he gets it from.
Meltdowns
Grayson went into a meltdown. If you don’t know what that looks like, well it kind of depends. It depends on how tired they are, how their day has gone thus far, how hard they had to work to get through the day, if they ate well, and on and on. You cannot always predict these things nor should you. It’s okay. It will happen. You just have to get through it with a little (okay, a lot) of patience.
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I sat with him and let him voice his frustrations. Although, when it first began there were some expletives, groans, yells, hair-pulling, and head punches. It’s hard to sit there as a parent and just let it happen.
What works for us is that I sit as close as he will allow me. I put my hand on him (this was not always an option when he was younger) and sometimes I will rub his back. At times if he is punching his arm or another part of his body besides his head I will let him. But I know from experience he will get a headache later, so I try to do my best to prevent it. I will place my hand in between his head and the hand he is using to punch. I try not to restrain him in any way because I know it will just upset him. Sometimes I will ask him if I can hold his hand and I will rub that hand or rub his head where he was hitting himself. But it depends on the day, sometimes that is not okay either.
Joeker to the Rescue!
My six-year-old so badly wants to comfort her brother during these episodes, but he doesn’t want her and I get it. She opened the door a few times to check in and at one point she let our dog in. And let me tell you, that was THE BEST thing anyone could have done for my son. How had we not thought of this before? We always say that Joeker is my therapy dog but this time he sprung into action. I was in awe. Some dogs are trained with thousands of dollars to become like this and here is my dog just doing it on his own accord.
How Joeker Has Become Our Therapy Dog
When Grayson was trying to harm himself Joeker would nudge that hand for him to pet him and distract him. Grayson would then start petting Joeker instead of hitting himself. If he wasn’t touching him, he would lay his head on his lap or jump up to paw at his hand to touch him.
At one point Grayson lay down on the ground and I watched Joeker quickly follow suit and lay his head on his chest while he was there. I just could not believe what I was witnessing. In the past, our older dog had been too anxious for the kids’ screaming and tantrums–but Joeker sat there through the screaming and looked right at him, ready to be Our Untrained Therapy Dog, by his side through the storm. It’s funny because our dog that went to heaven two years ago was the one we had seen as the therapy dog, but it had mainly only been for the adults–she couldn’t handle the kids and their antics. Yet, here was the dog we thought had been trained by the other, displaying even more empathy for our babies.
I know it sounds far-fetched to some but I truly feel like Joeker was brought here to us for a reason. Dogs don’t live as long because they serve their purpose without even having to prove themselves to the world. They provide so much unwavering love, loyalty, and support. Sure, some struggle. But hey, don’t we all?
Sent By the Angels, or Born to Be a Therapy Dog?
Was this dog sent by the angels that look over us or was he just born this way? It’s hard to say. But he came into our home ringing the “potty bell” (the door stoppers that doing back and forth) when he needs to go outside and the “dinner bell” by flipping his bowl over when it’s time to eat.
It’s funny because, in the beginning, he was really hard. He peed everywhere and not just in a puddle but he would run around the house peeing. There were times I didn’t know if I could do it. I was battling cancer and a toddler at the same time. I’m so glad we stuck it out. He will forever be my reminder that all dogs deserve a chance to be your love bug. It just takes some time and patience, like so many wonderful things in this life. We’re so thankful for Joeker, and his role as our family’s untrained therapy dog.
AMANDA BIRD
Amanda is a social media manager for Peaceful Living Wellness and assists in graphic design and product merchandizing with the Peaceful Living Wellness Brand. She is also a coaching trainee with Peaceful Living Wellness whom looks forward to working with Parents of children with Special Needs.
She is now a blogger for the Peaceful Living website and also has her own mental health blog at www.awordfrommommabird.com. There you can find real, raw stories about raising a child with special needs, living with chronic illness and overcoming mental health struggles along her journey with some sprinkles of humor.
She has been married to her husband Shannon for 16 years and they have 3 beautiful, active children that are the ages 13, 11 and 6. They tend to have a menagerie in their home but they currently house a boxer that was a rescue, a redefined barn kitty, a studious bearded dragon and sassy parakeet.
You can usually find Amanda volunteering for the kids’ latest school fundraiser, opening up a food pantry in her driveway (totally normal) or running her kids to their latest and greatest after school extra-curricular, among other things. She enjoys supporting her community and currently has a support page active on Facebook for parents of children with special needs.
