While in today’s day and age it seems that communication is more accessible than ever, I find it even trickier to truly communicate. There are so many distractions and noise competing for our attention that the message often gets lost in the mix.
My #1 rule for communication is “not message sent…but message received.” It doesn’t make any difference whether it is verbal or written communication, what matters is not what you think you’ve said, but what the receiver thinks you’ve said. Right or wrong, the receiver’s perception becomes your reality.
Join our Community of Peaceful Living Wellness Warriors
and receive a special free gift:
Our Top 5 Tips for Peaceful Living
Today’s fast paced world and the advance in technology makes it really easy to muck it up and cause miscommunication or disconnects between what the sender thinks they have said and what the receiver thinks they have heard. If you think about it, we can communicate instantly with just about anyone, anywhere, at any time through email and social media. And, while I love technology, it can easily mask emotion and tone, allowing the receiver to create their own emotion and tone, leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings.
How many of you have sent a perfectly harmless email to someone, only to have that person get really upset over the tone of the email? How long did it take you to fix the damage? If you are like most people, you probably went back and forth about 4 more times and then finally picked up the phone so that you could explain it in person. It’s such a waste of time.
So, what do you do to keep this from happening?
Take Your Time
If sending written communication, read, re-read, and re-read. Take your time before sending any written communications. Can it be misinterpreted? Can a tone be implied? If there is any chance that it could be misunderstood, I would pick up the phone and have a verbal conversation. If having a verbal conversation, then be sure to be prepared by thinking through the message you want to convey and the outcomes you want to achieve
Related Post: ENTREPRENEUR HUB: People Don’t Buy Products or Services
Understand Communication Styles
Another cause of message sent does not equal message received is conflicting communication styles. Identifying and understanding communication styles is important because before you can help someone move from point A to point B, you must first neutralize their defenses.
One way is to notice body posturing. And what I mean by this is the formality of their posturing. The main concern is how relaxed the other person is – if the person is sitting or standing in a very relaxed posture, do the same. If the posture is very formal then match that as well. This is called mirroring and matching. It’s a good way to break down any walls or defenses that can be hard to overcome when you first meet someone.
Another thing you can mirror or match is vocabulary. Pay attention to the kind of vocabulary a person uses. Is it formal, informal, sophisticated, slang, intellectual? Match your language to their speech.
These mirroring and matching techniques are really good for building rapport when you first meet someone. Once you start interacting with them on a regular basis, you get the opportunity to kind of figure out their communications profile. By identifying and understanding a person’s style, you can break down their communication barriers to ensure that your message sent will equal their message received. There are two steps to determine the communication style of any other person you are trying to communicate with.
- The first step is to pay attention to personality indicators such as base line behavior, the way they dress, their speech patterns, and body movements.
- The second step is to try to determine the other person’s primary motivations. Are they trying to avoid failure, avoid rejection, secure achievement, keep everyone happy, dominate the interaction, etc? Once you understand someone’s primary motivations, then you can come up with a plan on how to communicate effectively with that person. I know it sounds pretty silly, but if your entire business is built on relationships, you can’t afford any disconnects. People cancel contracts for all kinds of reasons and you certainly don’t want to have that happen because a client feels that they are not being heard or they can’t understand what you need from them.
Once you determine their style, you can continue your mirroring and matching as well as find ways to establish commonality.
Get a second opinion
Getting a second opinion is particularly helpful in written communication. Have someone who knows nothing or very little about the subject read it to see if they understand. If they get it, you’re golden, if not, try it again.
The point to all of this is, when message sent equals message received, you have harmony…you win sales, you have happy clients and happy employees. When message sent does not equal message received, you have discord…you lose sales, you lose customers, you lose good employees and you lose opportunities. It is worth your time to ensure that your message sent = message received.
STACY OLDFIELD
After nearly 25 years in Corporate America, Stacy launched Minerva Management Partners as a way to combine those years of business experience with her life coaching certification and love for coaching women. Minerva Management Partners is a business coaching practice designed to support women entrepreneurs committed to launching and growing their business. Also, as a Results Coach with Robbins Research International, Stacy helps business women to focus their ideas and efforts and holds them accountable for achieving their goals. Whether it’s helping women discover creative solutions to their business challenges, coaching them to be clear and decisive, or helping them see and take action on new opportunities, Stacy guides them to achieve the business and career results they are seeking. Stacy is also the creator of the Minerva 3-Day Networking Challenge and the Network Like a Boss Lady On-Demand training program. Stacy has been invited to speak to many audiences within South Carolina including the Center for Women, Women Entrepreneurs of Charleston, the Women of the Workforce program of the Naval Information Warfare Center (SPAWAR), Charleston Women in Business, Association of Fundraising Professionals, SCANPO, graduate classes at both The Citadel and the College of Charleston (CofC), and Leadership CofC. She currently serves as a mentor through the Women of Excellence Program at Xavier University and previously served on the Board of Directors for the Beautiful Gate Center and on the advisory board of the SC Women’s Business Center.
