As we reflect on the ‘month of love,’ we’re thinking about self-love. Our founder, Jen, has been sharing her thoughts on self-love and ‘rediscovering yourself’ in our newsletter throughout the month. We’re bringing those thoughts to you in this month’s Thoughts from Jen!
Busy Mamas ~
Can you believe it is already March??? How did that happen? Time is just flying by! The flowers are starting to bloom. Your kiddos are growing taller. And, the days are getting longer. But that doesn’t mean you have more time to get your busy on.
It means that you have more time to stop and smell the flowers.
It means you have more time to hug on those growing kids of yours.
It means you have more time to spend nurturing yourself out in nature. We’ve been talking about how getting out in nature is sooo nurturing to your mind, body and spirit in my FREE Facebook Group: The Busy Moms Support Tribe. If you’re not in there, I hope you will join us soon!
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Aside from the time we seem to feel Mother Nature is gifting us as spring goes on, there are other ways you can find more time for those things on your Meaning, Purpose and Joy Scale – AKA Your “MPJ Scale.” And yes, you guessed it, this is the BIG WIN for the “R” portion of the Peaceful Living Coaching RIPPLE Effect! As you follow the steps outlined below, you are rediscovering yourself!
Rediscovering Yourself
Every coaching program I created for Peaceful Living Wellness starts with a section devoted solely to self-discovery. So often we lose a sense of who we truly are when we become mamas.
I remember one year when the kids were little, our wedding anniversary was coming up. My husband asked me where I wanted to go out to dinner. Instead of waiting for my response, he immediately followed his question with the statement, “do not say, ‘I don’t care!’ I want you to actually pick a place!”
No, he was not being an ass. He was pointing something out to me about myself that I was completely unaware of: I no longer even knew what restaurants I liked!
This is something that I work on with my coaching clients over and over again. Often, in our quest to be “good enough moms, wives, employees, etc.,” we lose a sense of who we are. We forget what restaurants we like because we have to be more concerned with where we can eat with the kids, or what type of food our spouse prefers because it’s just easier than arguing with them about it. This is just one of many ways busy moms lose track of themselves.
How Can You Rediscover Who YOU Are?
This is the big question, right? How do you rediscover who you are? How do you get to know yourself again after focusing on everyone else for so long?
Understand Your Love Language
One thing that you can do to rediscover yourself is to explore Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages.
If you already think you know what your Love Language is, remind yourself about what that means for you. If you are not familiar with the 5 Love Languages, here’s a blog I wrote that gives an overview of the main points of Dr. Chapman’s best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.
Think of ways you can nurture yourself through that Love Language. Share what it is with your spouse and kids! And ask them what their Love Languages are. What a great way to bond as a family!
But, most importantly, what a great way to remind yourself about your needs and desires!
Rediscover Your Values
As you work toward rediscovering yourself, I encourage you to think about your values. What is important to you? What sorts of things do you find meaningful?
Try to go beyond people like your kids and your spouse – yes, of course you value them, so don’t leave them off your list – but, also think about emotions. Do you value love? Do you value honesty? Do you value compassion for others? Try to dive a little deeper and think about how you manifest these things in your life.
This is actually part of the second step in my life coaching program for busy, overwhelmed moms. We dive deep into her values and how they are playing out in her life. We look at if she is honoring her values with how she shows up and spends her time OR if she is feeling pulled in too many directions by trying to be in service to her values (and often the people she associates with them).
Most importantly we talk about where she falls in her values list. Does she value herself? Does she honor and support her own physical and emotional needs? Or, is she exhausting herself by mistakenly valuing what I call “The Myth of the Supermom?”
You can read about the Myth of the Supermom in this blog.
Assessing your values can be an eye-opening experience when you think deeply about them. I find it helpful to try to prioritize my values as well. I know that sounds a little weird, but bear with me…
Prioritizing Your Values
Here’s how prioritizing my values plays out in my life. I value showing up in a supportive role for my kids and husband. I also value showing up as a motivational and supportive person for my clients, the members of my Membership Group and my followers on social media–especially the moms in my free Facebook group, The Busy Moms Support Tribe. I also value compassion for my community, so I spend time volunteering. Last, but definitely not least, I value taking good care of myself so that I am rested, happy, and fulfilled.
These values can definitely come into conflict with each other when it comes to how I allocate my time. However, when I prioritize them, I am also able to honor them all AND not feel overwhelmed or pulled in too many directions! I always start with my self-care. If I am not rested, happy, and fulfilled I cannot show up in a supportive way for others–no matter how much I value them!
With the other three things on this values list, I am more fluid. Sometimes, even though my daughter wants attention, I will prioritize working in service of my clients and audience. Other times I move my priorities around–like the recent Friday when my daughter was very upset about a conflict with a friend. I put work aside and took her to froyo to talk about it and give her support. And when it comes to volunteering so that I can honor my value of having compassion for my community, I give about 5 hours per month to one particular organization that I believe in their mission. In other words, I don’t overdo it!
Prioritization of my values helps to keep me feeling balanced, instead of overwhelmed. It also helps to keep me fulfilled, instead of exhausted and spent.
Ask yourself:
- What do you value?
- How deep can you go with understanding your values?
- How do you see yourself prioritizing your values?
Assess Your Satisfaction
How satisfied are you with your life?
Most Life Coach training programs teach coaches how to use life satisfaction scales to help guide our clients toward life goals. For my clients, I took that concept and focused it on the topics of meaning, purpose, and joy! I ask them to assess each different area of their life in terms of how much meaning, purpose, and joy it brings them.
How does this look for you? Where does your family life rank on your MPJ scale? How about your career? Your friendships? Your spiritual life? Your fun time? Your self-nurture? You can give each area a numerical score – maybe “0 to 10” – or you can write your assessment out in words. The most important part of this exercise is to talk about how you currently feel about each particular area of your life!
In coaching, we attach feelings to concepts because they are motivating and inspiring. It’s amazing to see the change in a client when she goes from feeling overwhelmed, stressed, lost… to feeling purposeful, relaxed, and full of joy!
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I don’t feel much MPJ–like when I’m doing the dishes. But, when it comes to the bigger categories in my life, the things I spend time doing, and the people I spend time with, I strive to make sure that as much of that time as possible is high on my MPJ scale! In fact, that’s why I coach busy, overwhelmed moms. I LOVE it! I love helping moms go from feeling stressed and frazzled to feeling at peace and fulfilled.
I also encourage you to take our assessment to help you understand your level of overwhelm here.
Make Time for Free Time
Now that you have thought about what your values are and you have prioritized them using your MPJ Scale, it’s time to get down-and-dirty with your schedule! I urge you to take a look at what you do on a daily basis and assess if it aligns with your MPJs. How much of your time are you spending doing things that bring you meaning, purpose, and–most importantly–JOY?
After you complete this assessment of your daily schedule? If you are not in alignment with your values, especially your MPJ values, it’s time to start knocking things off your schedule. Take a hard look at all of the things you do. What can you cut out? What can you delegate? What can you co-op with other busy moms?
I know this part can be VERY challenging! That’s why I developed an online mini-course to step you through the process. It’s called Breaking Busy: 5 Simple Steps to Slow Down, Rise-Up and Feel More in Control of Your Life. I created this mini-course Just For Busy Moms like you! It has 5 short videos and simple one-page PDFs to help you break out of the cycle of busy so you can start living with more Meaning, Purpose & Joy! You can’t afford NOT to take a few minutes of your time to do the simple exercises in the course.
I also know how hard it is to stay accountable to yourself, your self-nurture, and your MPJ values. My Peaceful Living Wellness Membership is a supportive, nurturing community in and of itself. It takes you on a journey from Overwhelmed to Overjoyed with short weekly lessons based on the Peaceful Living Wellness coaching program. I also created an online support community just for the members! Members find support and accountability on a daily basis in our Facebook group and on a monthly basis during our live Zoom calls!
Ask yourself:
- How are you living your life?
- How do you want to live your life?
- Is there a disconnect?
A Few Last Thoughts
If you are ready to say to yourself, “I deserve a supportive community to help get me through this thing called motherhood!” JOIN my Overwhelmed to Overjoyed Peaceful Living Membership for Busy Moms Today!
If you want more motivation to rediscover yourself, follow me on TikTok, Facebook and Instagram!
Big Hugs!
-Jen
JEN ROBINSON
Jen Robinson is the creative force behind the wellness brand Peaceful Living Wellness which is dedicated to providing a wide-variety of high-quality wellness information. Jen is also the creator of the Peaceful Living Wellness life coaching division, and offers workshops, individual and group coaching as well as retreats where she guides women in using Mindfulness and Mindset to build their inner strength on a foundation of inner peace. Jen also is the co-creator of the business coaching brand CEO Mindset that guides entrepreneurs in building their businesses without burning out.
The latest addition to her repertoire is that she recently signed-on as the Wellness Director for the business development company Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs . She is very excited to be leading this group of dynamic women entrepreneurs into success in their businesses and lives!
The most important part of Jen’s life are her two very active teenagers, AJ & Layna!
Jen’s Mindfulness and Mindset techniques inform her business, her parenting and her life!
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