Many years ago, I did away with the idea of New Year’s resolutions for myself. Year after year I made the same promises to myself. However, at the end of each year, I found I had not grown in the manner in which I desired. I was left feeling defeated. Fortunately, I discovered the concept of a “word of the year” which seemed to align more with both what I wanted to achieve and how I would go about doing so. In a former blog post on my website, I wrote about my process of selecting a word of the year.
Why Resolutions Didn’t Work for Me:
Resolutions can be daunting. They are very black and white. You either accomplish what you set out to do or you don’t. If you did, great job!! However, unfulfilled resolutions take their toll on your confidence and may end up being back-burnered and pushed off to the following year.
Likewise, resolutions can be nebulous. When we create resolutions, we need to be as specific as possible. This requires us to get in touch with what the finished product would look like? How would it manifest? How realistic is your goal – both in time and scope? These questions are to be contemplated when setting any goal and should certainly be addressed when forming resolutions.
Resolutions are made with the hopes of betterment, but we are not broken. We do not need to be “fixed.” The age-old weight loss resolution may signal a deeper, underlying motive – wanting to be noticed or a need for self-love. We are not “lacking” because we are unable to fulfill this resolution. Rather, we need to see a resolution as a way in which we honor ourselves, engaging our deepest admiration for who we are. Often, however, this is not the spirit in which the resolution was made.
Why Word of the Year Did Work for Me:
Choosing a word of the year forced me to do the “work.” In my former blog, I outlined the process of questioning and going deeper in order to get to the truth of what we want. This means being both open and vulnerable. It is meant to be discomforting. Consider this: starting with wanting to lose weight, but delving deeper until you realize it is because you struggle with body image and, ultimately, self-love. “Self-love” would be your word of the year.
Most impactful for me was turning the word from a noun to a verb. Returning to our example above, “self-love” is our word but “loving ourselves” is how we make it real. This is how it comes into expression and thus, being. As a coach, I am about action and taking steps. Making my words into verbs, helped me to more easily put my words into practice.
Most Significant Words of the Year:
One year I employed the exercise above and ended up with the word: Failure. Ewww, right? Who wants “failure” to be their “word of the year”? However, at that point in my business, it was exactly what I needed to face – the fear of failure and all that brings with it. I was starting out as both a life coach and an entrepreneur. I was hesitant to put myself out there. Before then, I was very comfortable with the behind the scenes stuff – administration, book-keeping, website management, etc. But there were things I needed to embrace to elevate my business. I was terrified of stepping out into the spotlight and falling flat on my face.
Discover COMMUNITIES hosted by our PLW experts and surround yourself with like-minded individuals looking to live a peace infused, healthy life.
When I distilled it, my fear arose from a lack of confidence. I had been invited to speak on a few podcasts and had not taken advantage of those opportunities. I pivoted and made it a point to say “yes” to whatever presented itself before me. I learned to trust myself. Did it always go well? Gosh, no. But I was no longer afraid. I was willing to put myself out there. Failure became education. Paths I had never considered became illuminated to me. If I had not opened myself up in this way, they would have remained dark.
My Word of the Year:
This year my word is “appreciation.” I am an off-handed “thank you”-er and I want to show gratitude with more intention. When someone holds a door for me and I thank them, I want to do so out of sincere, thoughtful appreciation. I want to look them in the eye and really see them. How often do we get to have these connections and yet just pass them by?
For myself, I wanted to learn to better appreciate what I do. Like most, I often get down on myself for the things I didn’t complete or didn’t do well. By selecting “appreciation” as my word, I am shifting my mindset to know I am enough. I don’t want to rely on others appreciating me, but rather to find it within myself. I also want my girls to be able to do the same as they mature. I can tell them this until I am blue in the face, but as kids they will understand it more when I model it.
‘Word of the Year’ in Practice:
How will I put this into practice? By being aware of the times when appreciation is being threatened or lost. When I feel envy, negativity or materialism making its way into my thoughts, I need to pivot my mindset. Appreciation means being fully present. When I feel myself stray from my intention, I need to gently guide myself back. “Gently guide” is important to note here. We are not passing judgment. We are learning how to evolve into what we want to be. There will be days this is easier than others. Look at them all with eyes of learning.
Likewise, when I feel family conversations or attitudes slipping into unappreciation, I will use that opportunity to reorient us. It is not about telling them what they are doing wrong, but rather showing them there is a different way to consider. I am looking forward to what this year brings and all the opportunities for me to set my word into motion.
NEELMA PYFROM
Hi! I’m Neelma, a Certified Life Coach/Life Strategist specializing in helping teens and young adults (and the families who love them) deal with anxiety, depression, confidence, and motivation. Together, we negotiate the hardships of the adolescent years -learning the skills needed in order to help them become successful adults who have found their peace, purpose, and authenticity. I have a passion for time management and positive habit formation and love sharing everything I learn (forever student) with the folks I coach.
In my spare time, I enjoy running, meditating, reading, crossword puzzle-ing, and boating with my husband and our two girls and our furbaby.
