When I met Teresa, she had a long list of things she felt she needed to accomplish in order to have a wardrobe that she enjoyed wearing. As we talked it became clear that the list was the problem and it was keeping her paralyzed with indecision.
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What was on her list? Two things:
1. Her research on what ‘should’ be in every woman’s wardrobe.
2. Self-imposed limitations or beliefs about what she ‘should’ wear.
With these things weighing on her mind and directly influencing her wardrobe choices, it’s no wonder she didn’t feel great when she got dressed or went shopping.
List #1:
It included seemingly practical things like:
· A white button-down blouse
· Black blazer
· White t-shirt
· Trench coat
· Denim jacket
List #2:
It held limiting beliefs that weighed on her heart and made getting dressed feel challenging.
· I should lose weight before I buy anything new.
· I should be able to open my closet and get dressed effortlessly.
Between the two lists, it’s no wonder she felt overwhelmed, frustrated and discouraged!
Let’s look more deeply at these often debilitating wardrobe “shoulds” and lessen some of their power.
First, let’s look at the “items every woman should have in her wardrobe” list. I have looked at many of these lists and I can tell you point blank that there are very few things that every woman needs to have in her wardrobe.
While those lists are created to give you a focus, unfortunately, they often leave you with unworn items in your closet and feeling like you aren’t doing something right because you’re not wearing that denim jacket they said you need!
Remember the list of 5 things above? The only thing on there that I own and wear is a trench coat. None of the rest of it works for me and I’m fine with that.
How do you know what you want on your ‘essentials’ list? These four things help you decide:
1. Your lifestyle
2. The colors that look best on you
3. Your body shape
4. Who you are (I call it your ‘inner beauty’)
Let’s look at how these can help you establish your own list of essentials.
Your Lifestyle:
What do you do in your life for which you need to get dressed? Where do you live? Both of those things will help dictate what clothes you need. Perhaps you live in a chilly climate and need layering pieces. What do you do for work or have you recently retired? What kind of social life do you have? Whatever you do, be sure you have clothes that will meet your needs and that you aren’t buying items that appeal to you but don’t fit into your lifestyle.
Color:
Maybe you love blazers but not a black one. Perhaps a camel, navy or gray is a better color on you and will be more versatile in your wardrobe. Take a peek in your closet. Do you see a color theme that makes it easy to mix and match (and that looks good on you) or is there a mishmash of colors that feels overwhelming and that doesn’t play well together?
Jan was wearing colors that were too bright and cool for her natural coloring. When she chose more soothing colors, she felt amazing and more like herself.
Body Shape:
It will come as no surprise to know that many styles are designed for tall, thin women with flat tummies, square shoulders and straight bodies. But is that the body shape most women have? No! Or at least not all of those things together. Approximately 30% of women have a pear shape meaning they are larger on the bottom than they are on the top and often with narrow and/or sloping shoulders. This difference can dramatically affect how something looks.
Garments hang differently on different body shapes and it can feel frustrating to see a sweater on a mannequin or model that you think looks great and you put it on and it feels droopy (I experience that a lot!). And, if you have a curvy body and try to wear a boxy or shapeless style, you will likely feel frumpy or overwhelmed by the garment. This is not because there’s something wrong with your body. It’s because the garment needs tweaking or just wasn’t designed for your body shape and even with all the tweaking in the world it won’t be your ideal look.
Who you are (your inner beauty)?:
Understanding this concept and how it applies to you will help you uncover the items that make your heart sing. Are you a joyful person but the colors in your wardrobe look dark and heavy? Maybe you’re a romantic at heart, but your clothes look too austere. Or perhaps you are determined but your clothes are too sweet. Who are you and is your wardrobe reflecting that?
For instance, look at Sharon below in her ‘before’ photo. There’s nothing terribly wrong with the outfit (she looks nice), but she didn’t feel good in it. That’s because it did not reflect who she is in her heart and soul—that part of her that makes her special! One of Sharon’s inner beauty words is that she’s ‘naturally radiant’ and when she puts on the ‘after’ top she feels ‘naturally radiant.’
What’s your next step?
Every time you get dressed, think about:
· Where are you going and what will you be doing?
· Does the color look fabulous on you or is it overpowering, drab or just ho-hum?
· Is the garment well-suited to your body shape? If not, can you tweak it or does it need to go away?
· Who are you? What defines your inner beauty? Are you someone who is inherently vibrant, gentle, dynamic, free-spirited, elegant or passionate or something else entirely? Does your outfit reflect who you are at your essence?
Related Post: What is a “Capsule Wardrobe” and Why It’s a Great Way to Define Your Style
What about those ‘shoulds’ that are self-imposed? Are they keeping you from feeling happy with your wardrobe?
· I need to lose weight before I shop. When you don’t feel good about your body, it’s hard to feel good about purchasing new items. Your weight might have changed or your body might have shifted and what you used to wear doesn’t feel right anymore.
This is a big topic, but let me share a couple of quick things about this.
When your clothes don’t fit you right, it reinforces or even fuels your displeasure with your body. You feel like nothing will look good so why bother buying anything. But when you get clothing that fits your current body, you’ll feel more comfortable both physically and emotionally. You’ll be less likely to feel desperate to hurry home to get out of those clothes and into something less restrictive and you’ll feel less self-conscious when you are out and about.
Nothing says you have to buy an entire new wardrobe and you don’t have to spend a ton of money. Having three or four outfits that look and feel good will help make getting dressed a more pleasant experience and give you a bit more peace in your body as it is.
· The myth of effortless dressing. Okay, so it’s not really a myth. It can be true. Getting dressed absolutely can feel effortless, but there’s a catch. You have to put in the effort ahead of time to create a wardrobe that meets all your needs. Only then will getting dressed feel effortless. It’s definitely a worthwhile goal and one that can be achieved.
Perhaps you’re thinking, ‘I’ve been trying to put together a wardrobe that makes it easy to get dressed, but it never seems to work out.’ You’re not alone. We are often hard on ourselves about this and feel we should automatically know how to create a wardrobe. But, just because we are women does not mean we are born with a ‘fashion gene’ that automatically makes shopping a breeze. Like many things in our lives, it’s something we might need to learn and practice (I know I did). But with the right tools it can become so much easier.
This brings us back to the list from above and concepts to think about when you get dressed or shop:
1. Choose clothing that fits your lifestyle.
2. Wear colors that look beautiful on you.
3. Dress to honor your body shape.
4. Reflect ‘your inner beauty’ (who you are) in every outfit you put on.
When you do these things you won’t be driven by a general list of wardrobe ‘shoulds’ or limiting beliefs that keep you stuck. You’ll create your own list of wardrobe ‘essentials’ and listen to your heart and soul every time you get dressed. Take your time. Don’t try to do this all at once…work on it step-by-step and you’ll eventually have a wardrobe you adore wearing and be able to get dressed with more joy and ease.
GINGER BURR
I’m Ginger Burr, founder of Total Image Consultants (www.totalimageconsultants.com), with a passion for empowering women to feel amazing about how they look! After more than 30 years of working with women and experiencing my own transformation prior to that (read more about this on my website (with pictures!), I’m well-acquainted both with the frustration that accompanies having a wardrobe you don’t love and the delight that comes with recognizing and embracing your own personal style.
If every morning you think, “I hope people will forget what I’m wearing,” it’s time for a change. In the beginning I couldn’t do it alone and you do not have to either. As one client said to me, “I’m tired of expending mental energy trying to figure out what to wear. It’s exhausting.” I can help you redirect that energy to create a wardrobe that makes your heart sing.
It’s a different journey for each person. That’s why I have many ways of supporting you from my book, ‘That’s So You! Create a Look You Love with Beauty, Style & Grace’ to my signature live online class, ‘Create Your Personal Style in 6 Weeks’ to working privately one-on-one with me. In each case, the basic elements are the same and you learn to dress with confidence without shedding pounds, sacrificing comfort or compromising who you are.
I am a graduate of Mount Holyoke College and a speaker and leader in the field of fashion and style. My experience and understanding of beauty trends and fashion has been celebrated by Allure Magazine, Fox TV News, The Boston Globe, MORE Magazine.com, cnn.com, Bloomberg Business Week, Forbes Magazine, and Worth Magazine and I have presented corporate seminars for some of the world’s most prestigious organizations including Harvard Business School, the U.S. Army and Unilever.
Above all, I have a heartfelt belief that whether you are 25 or 85, you deserve to feel radiant and pulled-together every time you get dressed. No matter where you live, what your lifestyle is like or how old you are, I delight in working with women who long to connect with their inner essence to create a wardrobe they love.
