Spirit and Soul: Let It Go — I took a break from my busy day at work and headed to the local Chinese restaurant. While eating my eggplant tofu over fried rice, I heard a woman speak to the six young children in her care: “You all need to eat your broccoli. Your group of three are against you other group of three. Let’s see who the winners are. Sarah, you’re not eating your broccoli! Do you want to make your team lose? Way to go, Danny, eat all that broccoli! Maybe your team will be winners!”
Sarah then gagged as she pushed broccoli into her mouth. While I was quietly eating and eavesdropping, it took everything in me to not ask the mom/aunt/babysitter to leave the poor kids alone already. Is broccoli really that big of a deal?
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It wasn’t about the broccoli, though, at least for me. For her, I’m sure it was. I completely get those heroic efforts to take care of little ones. It seems just yesterday when I cajoled my own kindergarten children to eat those “little green trees,” even if the trees were drowning in ranch dressing.
For many years, my daughter ate salad with her right hand while she held her two fingers from her left hand over her head as makeshift bunny ears, all stemming from my encouragement to eat lettuce like those rabbits she loved. I understand what we do to get the kids to do the good things. I get how valiant our efforts are, and how incredibly awesome vegetables are. Let’s hear it for the veggies!
But for me, there were my own issues to ponder, all filtered through my current busy and tired state.
I loved school before the fifth grade. Life was good, teachers were kind, and we were all praised for our individual achievements. I was particularly good at poetry, so my 1st grade AND (can I brag?) my 4th teachers framed my poetic offerings with bright construction paper and taped them on the wall for the world to see. They never mentioned any other subject in relation to me. No one said how mediocre I was in math, or how truly terrible I was in handwriting or sports. It didn’t matter.
Then, in the 5th grade, it all mattered. I was regularly picked last for every recess game. I was teased; it was noticed. We played a “game” every Friday where the two teams answered questions related to the week’s lessons. When the game was all about math or science, I was almost always on the losing team. I hated that. I didn’t want to be a loser. It felt bad and did nothing to encourage me to try harder at those subjects. When the game was about reading or history, I was almost always on the winning team. That felt considerably better, for a couple minutes of glory. Then I saw the sad looks on the faces of my friends on the losing team. Suddenly, being a winner wasn’t all that great either – not if someone had to lose.
In high school, I was heavily involved in competitive theater performances. I loved attending competitions. They truly did push me to work harder and to strive to perfect my craft. I understand why athletes would thrive on healthy competition. Iron sharpens iron, and competition might make people genuinely improve – in drama, in sports, in debate, in school, in life. I sympathize with those who say that not all kids should get a participation trophy. Maybe we need to save the trophies for those who push hard to excel and to win.
But does this have to be done as young as the 5th grade? Does this have to be done to kids no older than five trying to enjoy a nice Chinese food meal? Does ingesting broccoli have to make three children morally superior to the three slackers who obviously weren’t trying very hard with those cruciferous plants?
As I mentioned, I was tired. Sometimes adults get this way from just too much adulting. I habitually push and strive and set goals and accomplish. Most of us grown-ups do. But this can pose a real spiritual problem. All the spiritual texts and masters caution us from pushing too hard.
They say things like, “Go with the flow” (a paraphrase of Taoism’s main point), or “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10, of the Hebrew and Christian Bibles). The masters don’t say strive and push, get a better bullet journal, watch more productivity YouTube videos, try the Pomodoro Technique, read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, have an even earlier morning routine, and whatever you do, avoid the losing team so you can finally have some self-esteem, you lazy bum. Eat the broccoli, more of it, and pronto.
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Suddenly, I was one of those children. In my mind, I said, “With all due respect, Mom/Aunt/Babysitter, I am not going to eat one more bite of that broccoli. I actually wanted to eat the broccoli before you make such a big thing about it. But I won’t let your narrative of winners and losers become real to me. I am not going to play.”
Then I would be still and know that God is God. I would go with the flow. I might even sing “Let it Go” from Frozen, and I would stop all the striving, pushing, goal-setting, winning, losing, trying, working, being anything other than who I am. I would not believe any longer that someone else gets to say what I am worth, whether I am on a winning team, or any team at all, or what I eat at the restaurant. I would step off the carousel. Maybe I would play. Maybe I would go take a nap.
Getting up from my table, I looked back at Sarah once more. She smiled at me, as if she knew… Then she put a bite of fortune cookie into her mouth. The broccoli remained on the plate. I have a feeling she’s going to be okay.
May we be like Sarah. There is a time for everything under the sun: a time for broccoli, a time for cookies, a time for eating, and a time to stop and smile.
STEPHANIE LAPE
Stephanie Lape is a pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA).
She holds a Master of Arts degree in Transpersonal Psychology (the psychology of religious experience) from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, and a Master of Divinity degree from Luther Seminary. A long-time professor of comparative religions and former campus minister, she now serves as pastor at Eden Lutheran Church in Riverside, California.
Stephanie speaks and teaches on matters of spiritual and psychological development, biblical studies, the enneagram personality tool, and comparative religions. She is an active advocate for interfaith and ecumenical studies. She has taught classes on major religious movements in churches, schools, and city programs, while also leading tours and guest speaking at mosques, synagogues, and temples. Stephanie is honored to be a speaker at the 2021 and 2023 Parliament of the World’s Religions.
She also loves to write. Stephanie is a contributing author for Living Lutheran Magazine and author of Beckoned: Hearing God’s Call to Deeper Faith, which is both a travelogue of her own winding spiritual journey, as well as a guide to help people discover their own path. She lives with her husband and two children in Southern California.
