There is nothing more I want than to always make the right decision. It makes my blood boil when I hear people say laissez-faire things like: “It is what it is,” “What will be, will be,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” To that last one, I quickly retort “Yeah, sometimes the reason is that you didn’t think very well and you made a bad choice.”
The more graceful side of me knows that, sometimes & unfortunately, there is no such thing as the right decision. We can merely do the best we can with the information we have at the time. This side of me sees that first paragraph in this article as a sad attempt at controlling a chaotic and lawless world. One that serves up unpleasant surprises no matter how good you are, or how safe you play it.
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All that said, I want to provide some concrete tools that have helped me make the right decision. This one goes out to all the sleepless times that our anxious minds churn on the big choices: Another baby? Which house to move into? Who to marry? What school is right for my kid?
- Pros and cons list: This one is the most boring, most important, and most overlooked when we’re in turmoil. List out each option and give an honest look at the pros and cons that come with each. I promise you’ll be surprised to see that some options have an overwhelming amount of items in one column or another, revealing them as a clear winner or loser.
- Catastrophic vs idealistic thinking: Check in with yourself and ask “What is the worst thing that could happen if I go with this choice?” For some options, the risk isn’t worth it. For others, you may discover that the upside is an opportunity that you just can’t ignore.
- Gut check: Ye old intuition. We’re able to make split second decisions based upon a collection of data points subconsciously. Use this tool! It gets dicey when we confuse anxiety for a gut reaction, so ensure that you evaluate your gut response after a meditation session or long walk in nature.
- Phone a friend: Talking through important decisions with a trusted ally is akin to an intense journaling session. I find my best friend reminds me of associated themes, and times in my life that I haven’t even considered when we gab about an important topic.
- ROI & cost benefit: Thanks for the pragmatics training, Corporate America! This tool comes to us courtesy of that MBA we pulled the trigger on. What is the investment you’d have to make with this choice and what is the return or benefit you expect to realize? Asking yourself this question for each available option can render some a bad logistics choice.
- Deadline: If you really can’t come up with a right decision that sticks for more than a day, or nothing feels clear at all, give yourself time. Agree to come back to this quandary on a certain date by telling yourself “I am going to table this decision, and come back to it on <<insert specific date & mark it on your calendar>>.”
Who would I be if I didn’t end this article with a little perspective? No matter what kind of calculus we do, we’ll sometimes miss things. Like the cross country move that we recently completed, sight unseen (thanks, COVID). We were down to two good housing choices, which were pretty evenly matched in pros and cons. I even phoned a friend, did the math, meditated, and checked my cognitive distortions.
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What did I miss? Since scale is notoriously difficult to gauge on online photos and videos, I got to our new, fully paid up front place, to realize that all the gorgeous Miele kitchen appliances were… miniature. Yes, you read that right, serious meal prep artist and chef to a family of four 3x daily me will now be adjusting to a Susie bakes existence. Who wants a mini cupcake?
Would knowing this reality cause us to opt for option B? Yeah, probably. But as I look out on a view of both the Florida Keys and Miami Beach, I know my pre-heat for the quiche I’m making this morning will be done 10 minutes quicker.
Ashley Damaj is a Cornell trained Nutritionist, USC trained masters-level therapist, and post-masters Board Certified Behavior Analyst. An avid athlete, yogi, organic farmer, and chef; Ashley lives with her husband and daughter in Newport Beach, California.
She is the founder of Mothership Wellness, Inc., an integrative private practice. The backbone of her business is working directly with clients on ten pillars of wellness that are assessed and improved through actionable, short term, goal oriented individualized programs.
As a former pack a day smoker, drug/alcohol abuser, and overweight individual, Ashley’s mission is to bring behavior modification science and empirical solutions to individuals and families who want to make the move to a more healthy lifestyle be in alignment with the fullest expression of themselves.
She has worked in both corporate and clinical settings over the course of her career. Ashley has held Director level positions at a Fortune 5 companies, to clinical positions in a variety of therapeutic settings
(juvenile hall, domestic violence centers, in-home therapy, facility settings, etc.). Ashley has with diverse clientele of all ages using CBT, ACT and Behavior Analytic modalities for over a decade.
