The only time you should ever look back is to see how far you’ve come.
The Bantang Boys (BTS)
Sometimes the most profound sayings come from the young: When the Korean boy band, BTS, sings, “The only time you should ever look back is to see how far you’ve come,” we should all listen. Looking back is a time to cheer ourselves! So if you are comparing yourself to others, and getting down on yourself, STOP IT!
As women, as wives, as business owners, as employees we often get caught up in the disappointment that we aren’t further along in life. We worry that we are not where we should be. Then we fall into the deadly comparison trap. I’m here to tell you, it’s a trap that no one survives.
While most of us will believe that we are not further along because we aren’t smart enough, or good enough, or worthy enough. I’ve learned over the years that it’s usually just because we have underestimated the time it takes to get to where we want to be. Comparing yourself to others with “shoulds” is dangerous! As Albert Ellis, the father of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy once said, “don’t should on yourself!”
Don’t should on yourself!
Albert Ellis
Good coaches will tell you it’s important to put your blinders on and keep looking ahead. That looking around or behind will do nothing to propel you forward. But good coaches will also tell you that it is also important to look back every once in a while, just to remind yourself of how far you have come and how much you have already accomplished.
UNLIMITED SOUP, SALAD & BREAD STICKS
Last year, my husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. While we did go out to a very nice dinner before the date of our actual anniversary, we decided to do something really special for the evening of our anniversary. We ate at The Olive Garden.
What? Why?
You see, in our first years together, we weren’t making any money. So, every once in a while, we would scrape together enough money and go to The Olive Garden. We always ordered the same thing…spinach and artichoke dip with unlimited salad and bread sticks. It wasn’t fancy, but to us it was a real, grown up, date night out. We often spent time dreaming about our future over those bread sticks.
Over the past 20 years, our careers and our salaries have grown. Our idea of a real, grown up, date night has evolved. And honestly, our dreams and aspirations have changed, too. We aren’t anywhere close to where we hope to be. But rather than spending our anniversary talking about all of the things we haven’t accomplished yet, we used it as an opportunity to honor just how far we have come. And what better place to do it than where we got started? It actually excited us even more to think about what the next 20 years hold.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
So, the next time you are comparing yourself to others and beating yourself up over not being far enough along… The next time you are frustrated and disappointed for not accomplishing enough… Take a brief moment and reflect on your journey. Acknowledge and honor just how far you’ve come and use that as fuel to propel you forward.
For while looking back will not move you closer to your future, having gratitude for the road traveled will.
And for goodness, gracious sake – STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS!
To Your Continued Success!
Stacy
STACY OLDFIELD
After nearly 25 years in Corporate America, Stacy launched Minerva Management Partners as a way to combine those years of business experience with her life coaching certification and love for coaching women. Minerva Management Partners is a business coaching practice designed to support women entrepreneurs committed to launching and growing their business. Also, as a Results Coach with Robbins Research International, Stacy helps business women to focus their ideas and efforts and holds them accountable for achieving their goals. Whether it’s helping women discover creative solutions to their business challenges, coaching them to be clear and decisive, or helping them see and take action on new opportunities, Stacy guides them to achieve the business and career results they are seeking. Stacy is also the creator of the Minerva 3-Day Networking Challenge and the Network Like a Boss Lady On-Demand training program. Stacy has been invited to speak to many audiences within South Carolina including the Center for Women, Women Entrepreneurs of Charleston, the Women of the Workforce program of the Naval Information Warfare Center (SPAWAR), Charleston Women in Business, Association of Fundraising Professionals, SCANPO, graduate classes at both The Citadel and the College of Charleston (CofC), and Leadership CofC. She currently serves as a mentor through the Women of Excellence Program at Xavier University and previously served on the Board of Directors for the Beautiful Gate Center and on the advisory board of the SC Women’s Business Center.
