College is a huge, exciting, and nerve-wracking change of life for freshmen. As our kids are getting settled in their new home away from home, we want to set them up for a successful year. We need to help them with their emotions–and ours. We need to handle drop-off day with aplomb as well as the right tools, and we need to make sure they have a good handle on some general life strategies. We also need to give them some well-thought-out advice about college. Here are a few reminders for them that will help.
Talk to your roommate
Make sure you get to know your roommate and establish rules if you need to. My son’s college has them sit down and come up with a contract and I do think things are so much easier when you have an agreement to go back to. You’re living with someone that you don’t know and who has different life circumstances and habits so make sure that you can talk to each other. Sometimes in the beginning it’s hard to talk about what works or doesn’t for you because it’s so new. Is drinking in the room ok? How about a boyfriend/girlfriend sleeping over? Time to tackle the tough stuff if you haven’t already.
Don’t go home every weekend
Part of the college experience is living away from home and growing out of your comfort zone. Stay on campus and get to know the rhythm of your new life. Going home a lot can make it harder to commit yourself fully to the college experience.
You may grow apart from some of your high school friends
If you came home and felt a little off or awkward with your high school friends, it’s natural. Especially if you went away to college and they stayed local. It happens. We develop new interests, spend time differently, and do different things with our lives. One semester into college and you’ve all probably changed. It doesn’t mean you won’t stay friends, but the friendship may shift a bit. And it’s ok.
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You will make new friends in college
As great as college can be, it comes with stress–academic and social. Meeting people and making friends who have common interests with you is a great way to relieve stress. As you grow and change and experience life with new people, you will bond together and have a unique, shared experience. Living together for four years completely changes the depth of your friendship. These friendships are new but they often last forever.
Get to know your teachers
Go ahead and start building relationships with your professors, ideally those within your major. In the future you will be applying to internships, jobs, and/or graduate schools and they will be able to help you with that. Introduce yourself, go to office hours, talk about your interest in their class, and ask them about their research. For the most part, professors want to see you succeed. That’s why they are there.
Upperclass counselors
Most schools have older students show the newbies around and answer questions. Keep in touch with them. They can really help in your first couple of months in terms of how things work, but they can also be a resource for which teachers are good, what classes have intense homework, etc. Your RA–or whatever your floor governor is called–is another resource. It’s a good idea to stay on their good side, especially as a freshman.
Set some study time
There is a lot going on when you start college and it’s easy to get caught up in the fun and the new friends. That’s good—but that makes it hard to find time to study. Time management is totally different when you only have a class or two a day—and some days with no classes at all. In order to maintain a healthy lifestyle you have to figure out how to balance academics, fitness, and a social life. And yes, you do have to actually study for tests!
Your long-distance relationship may not last
You may think he or she is the one, but you’re probably wrong. You’re still growing mentally and emotionally as a person—and college is a time you change a lot. It’s hard to change in the same ways when you are experiencing different things.
Jump in
This one may be the most important—and also the hardest one. Participate from day 1 because you don’t want to be left behind and feel awkward at meals etc. So go to your sporting events, join a couple of clubs, reach out of your comfort zone to meet people, and be open to new activities and ideas. And if the ones you joined in the first semester didn’t gel, try again. College is a huge adjustment for everyone.
And parents, remember to build your trust and start morphing from “dictator parent” to coach and mentor BEFORE they head off to college! Then once they’re gone, give them space. It’s tempting to be in constant touch, asking all sorts of questions to see how they are doing and how they are spending their time. Resist. Let them come to you!
DANA BAKER-WILLIAMS
If you’re going to thrive in today’s crazy world, I believe you need to bring your whole self to the table: your personality, your sense of humor, and most importantly, your heart. All of these elements brought me to start Parenting In Real Life, my parent and teen coaching.
I’m a mom of two amazing kids, one of whom has struggled with ADHD, anxiety and depression. Watching this as a parent can be heartbreaking and feels singular. I had nowhere to turn and i was totally overwhelmed. When we finally put the pieces together and got our daughter some help, everything changed for her. But I still didn’t have someone who could teach me how to parent more effectively. It was trial and error on the emotional dysregulation, the panic attacks, and the lack of executive functioning. There was no handbook.
I vowed then that other parents should NOT have to be that scared, overwhelmed, and alone. And kids and teens shouldn’t feel alone, stupid, disconnected or “less than”. Now I am in the position to help parents and teens alike. I help other 2e families find calm in the chaos, connect with their kids, and bring peace and joy back into the family dynamic. I give parents the tools and support they need to communicate and parent more effectively. Simple shifts and techniques will allow you to parent with confidence and handle the challenges with grace and set your kids up for success with life skills, resilience, and self-advocacy.
Bring the joy back in your family, book a call now. https://www.parentinginreallife.org/bookings-checkout/book-a-free-consult/book
