It’s 4:30 PM and I am helping one of my daughters with her math homework. She is frustrated, irritated and starting to get down on herself. “I can’t do this. I am not good at Math!” I call “bull$hit” because she is good at math. What she is struggling with is this particular mathematical concept. I let her have a few moments to vent her frustrations before initiating a break. When we resume, she is calmer. I give her a few words of encouragement before we begin again. Although she is less than thrilled, she obliges. This is resilience.
As a youth empowerment coach, one of the most critical skills I can impart into the tweens and teens with whom I work is that of resilience. The ability to bounce back from adversity, grow through challenges, and adapt to the ups and downs of life is a priceless gift. In this blog post, we will explore the importance of resilience in tweens and teens and provide practical strategies to foster this essential skill.
Embracing Adversity and Mental Well-Being
No one wakes up saying, “boy, I am really looking forward to adversity today!” “Oh I hope it is challenging” as we rub our hands together in eager anticipation. Rather, our morning mantra is more so “let today be nice and easy.” While we do not actively seek out adversity and challenge, it always seems to find us. And it’s a good thing it does!
The same is true of our kiddos. Adolescence is a period of significant change, and it’s natural for teens and tweens to face a variety of challenges. These challenges come from a variety of directions – family issues, academic ones, social stress and peer pressure. Being resilient allows our teens/tweens to face these difficulties with courage and adaptability and openness.
Resilience is two-fold in its merits. On the outset of adversity, it allows us to be open to a challenge – to not run or hide, or resist. This doesn’t mean that we are going to run headfirst into a burning building. But we will not be deterred and will stay the course, knowing that this adversity may be in the support of something greater!
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Upon the completion of the challenge, the outcome is not as important. If we fail, and will most certainly will at times, we will learn. Failure is just as successful as winning and maybe even more so educational. Personally I have always gleaned more when I have completely bit it and had to pick myself off and brush myself off.
Tweens and teens who demonstrate greater resilience are less likely to develop anxiety and depression. Additionally, they are more capable of managing stress and anxiety when they do arise. They can handle being overwhelmed by developing a plan of action and executing as opposed to being crushed under the weight of the stress.
This, in turn, helps them in developing a greater self-confidence. Learning to overcome obstacles and setbacks demonstrates that teens can rely on themselves to handle adversity. This empowerment will trickle into all areas of their lives.
Strategies for Building Resilience & The Growth Mindset
Carol Dweck states, “Becoming is better than being.” What she is emphasizing here is the importance of a growth mindset over a fixed mindset. A growth mindset helps tweens/teens understand that their abilities and intelligence are not fixed. Challenges are seen as opportunities to grow and not things from which to shy away, and in order to accept these challenges, resilience is integral.
In order to embrace the challenges, it is important that your tweens/teens are taught problem-solving skills. First of all, ensure their goals are realistic. Yes, we want them to shoot for the stars, but not at the risk of their self-confidence. Show them how to break their big issues/goals into manageable chunks, guide them in brainstorming potential solutions, and demonstrate how to be resourceful. There is more than one way to get something done. And, if that way doesn’t work, use your acumen to search out another method.
This won’t always be that easy. With setbacks, come feelings of defeat and powerlessness. Tweens/tweens, thus, need to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Some of these may involve journaling, deep breathing, or mindfulness to manage these difficult feelings. Additionally, listen to how they speak to themselves: teach them to challenge negative self-talk. Shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion can enhance their resilience.
Most importantly, share with your teens/tweens, the times that you failed. If they only see you being successful, they may see that as daunting and unreachable. They may hold themselves to standards of perfection that are simply unrealistic. Seeing a parent fail at something and sharing those feelings with your tween/teen allows them to understand there will be setbacks. Let them bear witness to how you learn from your failure and try again. This is the greatest teacher of resilience!
Conclusion
As a guardian, you are the one who best knows how your tweens/teens are handling things. Are they backing down in the face of something daunting or are they rising to the occasion? Sure, there will be times they simply do not want to take on a challenge, but those are to be the exceptions. Let your kiddos see how you handle things that are difficult. We teach best by modeling.
Resilience is not for the faint of heart. As a youth empowerment coach, I have the privilege of helping teens and tweens develop this essential skill. By embracing challenges, nurturing a growth mindset, and learning to cope with adversity, my clients are more confident, emotionally-aware, and adaptable individuals. Teens/tweens build their self-confidence by facing adversity and pushing through the resistance, which, in turn, builds even greater confidence. Working alongside parents to build resilience in our tweens/teens means preparing them for a future where they can face obstacles with strength and determination.
NEELMA PYFROM
Hi! I’m Neelma, a Certified Life Coach/Life Strategist specializing in helping teens and young adults (and the families who love them) deal with anxiety, depression, confidence, and motivation. Together, we negotiate the hardships of the adolescent years -learning the skills needed in order to help them become successful adults who have found their peace, purpose, and authenticity. I have a passion for time management and positive habit formation and love sharing everything I learn (forever student) with the folks I coach.
In my spare time, I enjoy running, meditating, reading, crossword puzzle-ing, and boating with my husband and our two girls and our furbaby.
