My husband always tells me “life is not a workout.” He usually states this phrase when I do something like pack up every weight I own to go on vacation, or when I order a salad (when GOD KNOWS I want the double decker burger with cheese and fries).
I don’t normally admit this, but my husband can — at times — come really close to being right. Adding perspective to my fitness habits is definitely one of those times.
Taking Fitness Too Seriously
Sometimes we go completely overboard with something in our lives. Work, kids, spending too much, never spending anything, watching every morsel you put in your mouth, etc. For me, it used to be (and sometimes still is) fitness and exercise.
One thing I must be completely honest about is that I hated my body for most of my life. Seriously! I believed that if I could change my body I would feel better, happier, and that I could connect with myself.
This belief led to spending years of over-working my body, and obsessing over what I ate. And no matter how healthy I was, how much weight I lost, or how strong I got, I was still that fat little girl no one wanted to play with in my mind.
I felt just as unworthy as I did before.
Related Post: GUILT AND SHAME HAVE NO PLACE IN AN OPTIMAL HEALTH PLAN!
Finding Balance
It took me 29 years to finally get comfortable with my body. And it is important to note that I am only 31!
Yes — it took me that long to fully embrace my body.
I don’t enjoy admitting this part of my story. I also don’t like admitting that for a long time I used exercise as a mechanism for validation — to prove myself and to prove my worth.
To whom exactly???
To “other” people. We live in a culture that sets extremely high standards, and that presents unrealistic ideals. That worth is earned through meeting a certain criterion.
It can leave you addicted to attention on social media. You know that amazing high you get from receiving likes and comments? It makes you feel good for a few fleeting seconds. But it never lasts.
How sad to live by preconceived standards that we think we must meet in order to feel like we are accepted? And we wonder why we are always caught in a vicious cycle!
I am tired of that train ride. I don’t want to go around the mountain anymore. My mind hurts. My body hurts. And most importantly my soul hurts.
Before we begin, though, I want you to understand something that is a two-fold problem. The fitness industry and our culture sets a very high standard for what is considered to be a “socially acceptable body.” The other problem is that WE CHOOSE TO ACCEPT that established definition. We choose to let it determine our worth.
I Am Getting Off the Train. Do You Want to Come With Me?
If you do, the next part is about how I got through my struggles, and how I still work through them. Because unless you live in a bubble, you are going to be around images that can influence your body image. My hope is that my story will provide you with light, perspective, and ultimately, your own worth.
Choose to be in Control of Your Fitness Journey
First off, you must choose to be in control. Listen — I am not bashing anyone who wants to be a lean, mean fighting machine. But what I want you to not do is correlate your self-worth with how fit/strong you are. I don’t want exercise and nutrition to run your life in a negative way, like it did for me when I first started.
I would go to the gym and I would beat my body up so bad trying to prove something. I would be there for hours, punishing my body with high rep, high weight. I took no rest days; stretching was for wimps and lettuce tasted like candy.
Ultimately, I was punishing myself and my body! I would spend hours on the treadmill until I was lightheaded. I would see how many days I could go before eating.
I chose to let screams from the outside world control my daily activities, because I thought that being a fitness beast would prove my worth.
Turns out I was already worthy — I just couldn’t see it!
Do ya feel me on this???!!! It’s so hard to really connect and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, but I am putting it all out there for you. I’m doing this in hopes that if you feel the same way, I can help you see your own worth (and let your body become a dear friend again).
Challenging Your Desires
My core problem was that I was so disconnected from my own self. I had a deep desire to be noticed, and to be validated by how bad ass I could be in the gym. It was not a good place to be, and it was also not the life my heart truly wanted.
Discovering my heart’s true desire was the perfect place to start in feeling connected once again.
I realized I didn’t want to work out 3x a day, and that I didn’t want to push myself until the brink of exhaustion. I wanted fitness to be part of my life — just not my whole life. I didn’t want to only eat baked chicken, or to skip out on connection because of diet restrictions.
These deep discoveries made it simple to create a list of what I loved and wanted. I wanted to move, I wanted to love my body in a healthy way, and I wanted to listen to my own heart versus outsiders. I wanted to be strong and full of energy, and use exercise and good nutrition to fuel that.
When I made that list, life became easier. I realized I didn’t want to live a beast mode lifestyle — a lifestyle that once represented perfection. I wanted to live in a present, messy, and in-the-moment kind of life. A life that requires grace.
I also stopped tracking every morsel of food I put in my mouth. I stopped working out for hours on end. And, I started working out at home.
Continuing to Improve
When I go to the gym, I still (at times) have this habit of wanting to go crazy and prove myself.
For example, I recently went to my local gym because there are few pieces of equipment that they have that I don’t have in my garage. As I started to work out, I literally had to fight the urge to slip back into old habits. I mentally had to remind myself that I am here for me and no one else.
And even if “they” were looking, it didn’t matter.
I pulled up my pre-planned workout that I had and I did it. I think this continued desire to prove myself comes from a place of thirsting for connection. I tend to think that if I can lift as much weight as that person, or flip that tire more, or run faster, then I will fit in. I will be like the rest of them, and I will have something in common.
Unfortunately, that thinking isn’t based in truth. In fact, when I pursue those thoughts, it leaves me emptier.
So to keep myself out of these thought patterns, I live out of a place of love for myself, and I stick to my home gym most of the time.
Self-Care is a Must
In addition to what I mentioned above, I’ve stopped over-documenting pics of myself posing, and checking in-app lights and filters. I started posting the real, raw version of myself and this messy life.
I have also started telling myself how much I love me.
I know it is corny, but I started listing things about myself that I love, and not just physical attributes, but something like, “girl, I love your mental strength to get up and show up for yourself this morning for a workout.”
I did/do a butt load of self-care. Our world is based on go, go, go, and earn your worth. We never stop and rest. So, I began to take off days. I get massages, I do yoga. For my birthday, two of my dear friends bought me this percussion tool, and it has changed the game for my recovery days!
Practicing gratitude is also essential. Seriously, all corniness aside, when you live out of place of gratitude you immediately start to change. If you can never find the good with yourself or others, then you are already setting yourself up for a bad mental state.
Listen, I have bad days like the rest of the world. Yes, I post mostly positive quotes and uplifting things, but that is a freaking highlight reel.
I get in moods. I stand out in 90 degree heat and train people (yes, it’s my choice), but I am grateful for my clients, I am grateful to be alive, and to help somebody discover their worth and encourage them. I love this life — the good and the bad.
Setting intentions was huge for me as well. Intentions are how you are going to complete daily things. For example, one of my intentions is to be present with whom ever I am with, meaning no phone, really trying to connect.
Fitness speaking, my intention is to move based on how my body feels. If I am extremely exhausted or sore, I don’t try to push it. I give my body the time it needs to recover. I try to live life with grace, which is big for me. I can run on a short fuse if something doesn’t go to plan. I really try to live my life more fluid and remembering that life is messy and chaotic, and most people do the best that they can.
Also, I don’t let anything stop me from living my life. What I mean by that is that I never let fitness have complete control. It rides the bus behind the drivers seat like the rest of life’s facets.
Life is messy, chaotic, crazy, scary, fun, brilliant, extraordinary, and very short. We need to live with balance. We need to live complete. We need to live heartfelt, centered, and healthy. 2020 has reminded us of this. Letting fitness (and any other aspect of life) flow and be a part of our lives rather than the whole thing.
Lyndsey Bobola understands the struggles of losing weight and getting healthy. She has lost over 65 pounds through her fitness journey. Breaking through the fad diets and exercise routines and giving up excuses, Lyndsey created goals and developed nutrition plans that worked! She gained a healthy lifestyle and now feels better than ever before. As her life improved, Lyndsey developed a passion to help others discover the path to a healthier life.
Now, Lyndsey is here to help clients cut through the noise of Instagram fitness models and fad diets to find real, lasting change. She is here to help people who are ready to improve their life through fitness, health, and life goals.
Scrolling through Instagram accounts of so-called fitness models, Pinterest meal prep ideas, and online workout programs with no scientific backing, Lyndsey realized a majority of fitness ideas online are wrong. They are designed for quick but not lasting results, to make you feel inadequate, or to get your money and leave you hanging. Lyndsey wants to change that through education and hands-on training. Taking no excuses, she provides honest and effective guidance for people who are ready for change.
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