When we truly hear our own voice, we cut through the noise of other people’s expectations. We discover a purpose for our lives that has been there all along.
~ Matthew Foley
There may come a time in your life that you find yourself in need of a spiritual mentor. Maybe you are facing that time right now? Whether finding a spiritual mentor is currently an intention, or if it is something that you are considering for the future, there are some very important questions you will want to ask yourself.
- What does it mean to have a spiritual mentor?
- What qualities should a good mentor possess?
- What ethical principles should be followed in order to ensure that a mentoring relationship is healthy for everyone involved?
- What warning signs can we look out for to protect ourselves from unhealthy mentors, acknowledging the fact that the role of spiritual leader can be a very attractive guise for charlatans, narcissists, and inflated egos of all kinds?
In this episode of my A Path to Call Your Own Podcast I explore this topic with my good friend, and experienced spiritual mentor, Sarah Familar-Ragsdale.
This episode is the first installment in my new Spirit Talk Conversations series. In this series I invite a special guest to join me AND a virtual audience to share a community dialogue about a particular topic related to the spiritual journey.
RELATED POST BY SARAH FAMILAR-RAGSDALE: UNDERSTANDING MARY MAGDALENE
LISTEN ON ANY OF THESE CHANNELS:
A PATH TO CALL YOUR OWN
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
~ Henry David Thoreau
During my twenties, when most people are just starting to find their way in life, I came to a point in my life where I began to lose my way. I was in an unhappy marriage and an unfulfilling career. My creative passions and my spiritual practices fell by the wayside as the seemingly never-ending list of responsibilities took over all of my time.
Thankfully, my inner voice reminded me of a commitment I made to myself much earlier in life, inspired by the naturalist and revered American author Henry David Thoreau… to live deliberately, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not really lived.
This led me to the decision to explore, study and practice the world’s great spiritual traditions, yoga and meditation, psychology and philosophy, creativity and poetry.
From this exploration bloomed not only my own Path to Call My Own, but now, the life coaching and podcast I bring to you as A Path to Call Your Own.
It was also during this time that I met and worked with Sarah. As a High Priestess of the Divine Feminine and spiritual mentor she was a brightly shining guiding light.
HOLDING SPACE: THE QUALITY OF LISTENING AND CONNECTING
One of the many things Sarah and I agree on when discussing what qualities a good spiritual mentor possesses is the art of holding space for a client to be heard. This is an act that goes beyond listening. Holding space where a client feels heard involves connection and being very present while listening to the client.
In my own experience with my best mentors I remember feeling as though I was in a sacred space whenever I was in conversation with them. Both my college mentor, and later a therapist for whom I had deep appreciation, held sacred space for me to express myself. Whether we were laughing our asses off or discussing really heavy topics I felt connected to them and heard by them.
BEING CURIOUS: QUALITY SPIRITUAL MENTORS HELP THEIR CLIENTS BECOME CURIOUS ABOUT THEIR OWN FEELINGS.
Being a guide, instead of a guru, is another trait possessed by high quality mentors. Earlier in my life I wanted to be the guy who had all of the answers. I wanted to fix things for people. I wanted to be the guru. As I pursued my own path, I came to understand that I can be of more service to people when I guide them to find their own truth.
I believe a skilled mentor gets curious with their clients. They don’t immediately go into an answer for their clients. They inspire their clients to get curious about themselves, what they are experiencing and feeling. These skilled mentors practice the art of asking good questions that help the client get to their own answers through curiosity.
Sarah goes deeper into this topic by adding that as a spiritual mentor she tries to get out of the way of what The Divine wants for the person she is mentoring. Whether she is talking in a coaching session, or using her hands to heal during Reiki, she tries to drop her own ego so that she can serve The Divine’s purpose for the person she is serving.
RELATED POST BY SARAH FAMILAR-RAGSDALE: THE ORACLE OF DELPHI
WHAT TO BE WARY OF WHEN CHOOSING A SPIRITUAL MENTOR
Speaking of ego, Sarah and I agree that the most important thing to be wary of when choosing a spiritual mentor is someone who is acting in service of their own ego. And, quite honestly, this can be hard to detect at first because they often are skilled at masking it. Given that detecting an ego-centric guru may be difficult, Sarah and I came-up with a few points of caution to keep your eye out for:
- A spiritual mentor who speaks with authority over compassion.
- When the person portrays themselves as an authority based on their lineage of teachers.
- When you feel the person is not truly present with you, is not listening intently and is more focused on giving their “expert” advice.
People who position themselves as ego-centered gurus cannot be held accountable. Clients are not in a position to question them or tell them, “no.”
We offer a particularly strong caution if you feel you are not able to disagree with, or tell your mentor, “no.” Sarah reminds us that predators position themselves in this way using their position and attitude of authority to hold power over people upon whom they want to prey.
YOU ARE THE HERO IN THE JOURNEY WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL MENTOR
When I am in the spiritual mentorship seat I aim to position myself as a guide for my client as the hero of their own journey. It is not my wisdom I am setting out to impart upon my client, thus positioning myself as their hero. Instead, as their guide, I help them discover their own wisdom.
This doesn’t mean that you want to work with a spiritual mentor who has not, “done the work,” of personal and spiritual growth in their own life though. As Sarah wisely puts it, “we are all on the journey of doing more work.”
Overall, whether we are being mentored or we are mentoring, Sarah and I agree that the most important values we hold are authenticity and the willingness to be vulnerable. If your spiritual mentor does not come from a place of authenticity, and does not show some vulnerability to you, it’s not likely that you will feel comfortable being authentic and vulnerable with them.
And, without authenticity and vulnerability, growth cannot happen.
I hope you will join Sarah and me for this unique episode of the A Path to Call Your Own Podcast. And make sure to stick around long enough to listen to the discussion in which the wisdom of more voices can be heard.
Wishing You an Amazing Journey,
Matthew
