I am not the person who I thought I would be. It is completely amazing to me that I made it this far. Or those used to be my thoughts, anyway.
Before, I could only imagine myself “doing.” Wanting to be famous, the biggest best “whatever” (it really didn’t matter). All the stuff that would make someone rich or famous. And KNOWN.
Along the way, however, something more precious, more solid, and more extraordinarily ordinary happened. I began to see myself “being.“
“Being” what, exactly?
That is a long a drawn-out question. It is a question that requires an answer of brutal honesty, vulnerability, and time. An answer I wasn’t ready to give up until this moment.
All of this “doing” (and wanting to do) was honestly a cry for help. I was longing to be so connected to something, and in the process, I lost sight of who I was. I realized that these pathways were not meant for me, and that they seemed like an easy and superficial way to be fulfilled.
My whole life I have been working off of a script I didn’t write, but a script that was approved by someone else. I’ve always thought that if I memorized it well enough, people would believe it.
Maybe — in fact — I have been a famous actor all my life. I’ve done the things that would put me in position of validation and “worthiness.”
Longing for acceptance
I think we all long for a place to belong — a place where we can feel comfortable and safe. For most of my life, I have felt like that odd misshapen sock that you only have one of because the dryer ate its misbegotten twin.
You know what I really think it boils down to? All of this longing and emptiness that we feel is connected to this idea that there is something out there for us, but we have no clue what it is. And if we could just pull back the curtain we might be able to see what it is….
It’s joy. And most of us have none, or have never really experienced it in its full effect.
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Experiencing joy
Most people think that joy only comes in rare and fading moments. Like you stand in line all year waiting for a small glimpse, and then the brief celebration is over.
You know, we are meant to have joy in our hearts every day!
But for real though — I am tired of getting up out of the bed with bad breath, mushed hair, clammy skin, and a heart full of dread.
I want to wake up with mushed hair, stank breath, sweaty skin with a heart full of joy. I want to look forward to the little things. I want to have excitement over working out again, or getting that first cup of coffee and watching the sunrise on the back porch.
Instead of starting the first day of January 2021 with a resolution, I am starting today. While this year has brought many amazing things, I feel like I am Bill Murray caught in the movie Groundhog Day — where every day feels like it bleeds into the next.
First, I think we have to talk about why joy eludes us in the first place. Like I said, we really long for this feeling, and yet we pass right by it every single time — usually for something else disguised in a cloak of joy.
What are some examples of things that are disguised as joy? It can be anything from food, to drugs, to any addictive behavior. We perceive external things as joy — and almost always come up empty handed.
So now that we know sorta kinda what joy is not, let’s try to figure out what it is together.
What is true joy?
Over the past two years, I have really tried to look internally at what was going on. After about a year (in 2019), I really thought I had it down. I knew who I was, what I wanted, and how to stop reverting to old patterns.
I carried personal development books around like a bible. I really wish someone had smacked me on the spot!
You know, I love a good book or blog. That’s how we get new ideas — by reading or listening to others who tell their learnings through their own stories.
But if you don’t actually apply those learnings, it really isn’t going to change a thing.
Sadly, I was also one of those personal trainers who believed that there was no wiggle room for excuses. That going hard was the only way to get the job done. And if my clients and friends didn’t fit in this box, they were oddly shaped. The problem was, I DIDN’T EVEN FIT IN THIS BOX. I had pigeonholed myself into a cage and I was miserable.
And then along came 2020
2020 has been the biggest slap to the face for most people. It has been a frightening wake up call from living on autopilot. When you live that way, you don’t live in a place of joy. It is either one of two things instead — dread or numbness.
And life is so precious and messy and chaotic, breathtaking, heartbreaking, sublime, scratchy, beautiful, and terrifying and I can’t believe we would ever want to miss out on that.
I can promise you that I am not someone living in some naive bubble. I promise. My life is just as awesomely imperfect as the next person.
In fact, yesterday (the day I started my resolution) ended with one of the biggest emotional holes I have every crawled in, and I didn’t even bring a flashlight.
My husband and I are now trying to have a baby. However, for 29 years, I never ever ever ever wanted or saw myself as a parent.
In fact, if I saw screaming children in any public place, I would make a bee line to the door. And I thought about why it is that I don’t want one.
Why???
Because my whole entire life, I believed sacrifice was a burden. And connection was something that required deep vulnerability and sacrifice — again, a burden.
But all these superficial things I have been chasing after — that I thought I wanted, that were convenient and easy, that required nothing from me — left some gaps and some emptiness.
So of course, down the depressing rabbit hole I went. In 20 minutes, I felt anger, sadness, abandonment, emptiness, and depression. It was like being sucker punched on the way down.
But then there was one tiny moment where I felt something new. I thought about what it would be like if I could show a tiny little baby all the things I didn’t get to experience — an abundance of love, communication, and connection.
And there it is folks — for one little second, I saw something that I have never seen in the rabbit hole, and its name is HOPE. You see, sacrifice is a blessing. Connection is what life is all about.
I didn’t recognize it at first because I don’t think we had ever really been acquainted. There is a difference between excitement and hope. But she was a truly kind little face with a soft light that made me feel kind warm and fuzzy.
Why am I telling you this?
Well, I think Hope has a twin sister named Joy. And Joy is equally as amazing as Hope, and I do not think you can have one without the other.
And what does this have to do with fitness you might ask? We often chase after things that leave us empty, especially when we are trying to get healthy.
We spend so much time focusing on the results — fantasizing about it, and placing all of our joy at the end of the tunnel. We try to rush through all the steps between “A” and “Z,” that we forget to enjoy the journey.
And sometimes when things do not go as planned, we simultaneously lose hope and joy, and trying to get healthy feels like a burden. Too great of a sacrifice.
So how do you find hope and joy in the every day grind?
As cliché as it sounds, you must make a conscious effort to choose hope AND joy. It sounds easier than it is because some days, finding the joy in the mundane every day life can be hard. Especially when you eat the same meal for the third day in a row.
Starting your fitness journey is new and exciting, but when you are in the thick of it, it really can be a little monotonous. Again, eating that same meal prep, or going to the gym and doing the same routine.
I think one of the best ways is to keep it spontaneous and mix it up. Like switching up recipes and exercises. Try going to classes or working out with a friend. Switching up your routine will take some intentional work on your part, but it will keep things exciting and fun.
Honestly, one of surest ways to find joy along the way is to keep a gratitude progression journal. Every day, I write about what I am grateful for. It can be something as simple as being grateful for the first sip of coffee in the morning, or as complex as the universe moving in my life giving me abundance. Gratitude is the seed in which joy blooms from!
Sometimes joy and hope requires motivation. Basically, a little nudging boost that keeps you going on the right path. Surrounding yourself with positive things — whether inspirational quotes, your favorite speaker, or your friends — it is easier to keep going if you have the right cheerleaders.
Assessing your big “why” is also crucial. I can’t say it enough. Your “why” is what drives you on the journey, and it must be really strong to withstand the day-to-day.
From experience, the result of a physical appearance wasn’t nearly strong enough. For me, it is about finding true health so that when I get pregnant (speaking that into existence), I can be the healthiest I possibly can be.
And of course, the most important aspect is to view sacrifice for healthy living as something positive. Yes — this part can be tough. But sacrifice isn’t a cage. It’s a gateway to freedom to get what your heart truly desires. It does take dedication and hard work, but it can open more doors for opportunities toward your heart’s desires. Offering an abundance of hope and joy.
So there you have it, I am having twins this year. My resolution is to find hope and joy by intentionally seeking my heart’s desire, developing a sound BIG WHY, being grateful for life’s abundance, letting sacrifice heal me, and being deeply rooted in connection.
I hope as you make your way through your fitness journey that you also find these things to create a more abundant life!!!
Lyndsey Bobola understands the struggles of losing weight and getting healthy. She has lost over 65 pounds through her fitness journey. Breaking through the fad diets and exercise routines and giving up excuses, Lyndsey created goals and developed nutrition plans that worked! She gained a healthy lifestyle and now feels better than ever before. As her life improved, Lyndsey developed a passion to help others discover the path to a healthier life.
Now, Lyndsey is here to help clients cut through the noise of Instagram fitness models and fad diets to find real, lasting change. She is here to help people who are ready to improve their life through fitness, health, and life goals.
Scrolling through Instagram accounts of so-called fitness models, Pinterest meal prep ideas, and online workout programs with no scientific backing, Lyndsey realized a majority of fitness ideas online are wrong. They are designed for quick but not lasting results, to make you feel inadequate, or to get your money and leave you hanging. Lyndsey wants to change that through education and hands-on training. Taking no excuses, she provides honest and effective guidance for people who are ready for change.
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