When was the last time you spent more than a few moments thinking about your core values? Have you given much thought lately to how your values, those things that are deeply meaningful to you, influence your daily life? Taking the time to think about your values and how they play a role in your life is one of the most important steps you can take to find more meaning in your life.
“Exploring Your Values” is one of the most important exercises I take my clients through. We do this right at the beginning of their coaching curriculum because it is the bedrock upon which their motivation is anchored as they grow during their coaching. When a client strays from her goals, or is challenged with feelings of lack of self-worth or self-efficacy, we go back to her core values to garner the motivation she needs to overcome the challenge.
WHY YOUR VALUES ARE FOUNDATIONAL
Your values make-up your essential self. They direct your ideas of right and wrong. Values help you apply reasoning to your own actions as well as the actions of others. In this capacity they can also act as an emotional shield to the words and actions of others.
For example, let’s say that one of your core values is empathy for others. When you find yourself on the receiving end of harsh words from another person you can go to your value of empathy not only to decide between right and wrong, but also to shield yourself from the malintent of the other person.
A values-based analysis goes something like this in your brain:
- First, you will use how you value empathy to say to yourself, “what that person just said is ‘wrong’ because it does not embody empathy.”
- Next, you can discard the negative, or hurtful, effects the person’s words may otherwise have on you because based on your values you deemed the words to be “wrong.”
- Finally, you can shield yourself even further from the hurtful effects of the person’s words by going back to your core value of empathy, but this time you apply it to a potential understanding of why the person may have said something harsh. This may take the form of saying something to yourself along the lines of, “she must be having a rough day. I don’t think she meant to be hurtful.”
This same scenario of drawing on your core values as the foundation upon which you evaluate life’s happenings can be applied to almost anything in life. This is how we can give thoughtful consideration to things.
Conversely, when we don’t spend time thinking about our values, we can become reactive and more likely to hurt and be hurt.
YOUR CORE VALUES AND FINDING MEANING
Your core values and what is meaningful to you are as tightly interwoven as the finest worsted wool. Your values are made-up of what is meaningful to you and what is meaningful to you is defined by your values.
When you feel like you have lost sight of what is meaningful in your life it is helpful to sit down and think about what your core values are.
You may even want to write them down in a journal or a journaling section of your computer.
For example, do you value being compassionate? Independent? Brave?
The beautiful thing about your values is that they are YOURS. This is one of the most important things to remember as you are thinking about your values. So often we base our values on someone else’s scripts. What I mean by this is that we relate what we think is important based on what someone else thinks we should value.
What someone else thinks is important to, or for, you is none of your business!
Yes, you heard me, it’s none of YOUR business! Unless you want it to be.
Some, many or even all of your values may be similar to the values with which you were brought-up. Your values may very well align with your parents’ values and the values of the community in which you grew up.
Or, when you think deeply about it, you may decide that your values do not align with those individuals or that community at all.
What is important is that you are able to say, “that may be important to my parents, or to that particular community, but it’s not important to me,” if that is in fact your truth.
Understanding the truth of YOUR values is the first step in understanding how what is meaningful to you plays the most important role in your life!
RELATED POST: The Scariest Thing About Finding Meaning in Life
YOUR CORE VALUES AS MEANINGFUL GUIDEPOSTS
Once you understand what your values are, and differentiate your values from those that were imposed on you by others, you are ready to use them as your foundational guideposts in life.
As you are deciding what actions to take in your life, look at them through the lens of your values.
Are you working in a job that lights you up because it aligns with what is meaningful to you? Or, do you go to work every day and just go through the motions because, “it’s a job?”
Do you spend your non-work time running a million errands and taking the kids to all of their activities to the point where you don’t have any time for doing anything that is meaningful solely to you?
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This is where you can go back to your values as your foundation and decide what will bring you meaning and what will not. Think about each day as a new opportunity to choose to do things that are meaningful to you, that align with your values.
WHAT ABOUT THE “WHAT ABOUTS?”
At this point you may be thinking that you would like to do more things on a daily basis that bring more meaning into your life, but you are struggling with self-talk that starts with the words, “what about… .”
In the case of your job, you may want to have a job that is more meaningful to you, but your thoughts are saying, “what about the fact that I have bills to pay and a family to feed?” On the other hand, what if you were to find a job that is more aligned with your values and that you looked forward to going to every day? It quite possibly could still pay the bills.
If you absolutely cannot leave your job, another option is for you to spend some time doing things that bring you meaning during your non-working hours.
“What about my kids’ activities?” may be coming up for you at this point. You may be thinking, “my non-work time is spent running my kids to their activities. And, honestly, my kids are important to me. So, this must be aligned with my core values.”
Yes, of course your children are important to you and taking care of them is one of your core values. This is when our values may come into conflict with each other. At least, in this case, they have a time conflict with each other. Your core value of taking care of your children may not leave enough time for you to bring something into your life that is meaningful to you as an individual.
In this case, just like with the example of the job, try thinking of different alternatives. Perhaps you can find ways to lighten your kids’ load? Can you cut back on their activities? Or, try carpooling to soccer or karate. That way you don’t have to drive every time.
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I’m always here for you!
Jen
JEN ROBINSON
Jen Robinson is the creative force behind the wellness brand Peaceful Living Wellness which is dedicated to providing a wide-variety of high-quality wellness information. Jen is also the creator of the Peaceful Living Wellness life coaching division, and offers workshops, individual and group coaching as well as retreats where she guides women in using Mindfulness and Mindset to build their inner strength on a foundation of inner peace. Jen also is the co-creator of the business coaching brand CEO Mindset that guides entrepreneurs in building their businesses without burning out.
The latest addition to her repertoire is that she recently signed-on as the Wellness Director for the business development company Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs . She is very excited to be leading this group of dynamic women entrepreneurs into success in their businesses and lives!
The most important part of Jen’s life are her two very active teenagers, AJ & Layna!
Jen’s Mindfulness and Mindset techniques inform her business, her parenting and her life!
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