Do you realize that clutter is more than just the physical stuff you trip over in your home? Let me introduce you to the different kinds of clutter:
· physical clutter (including paper clutter)
· digital clutter
· mental clutter
· social clutter
· emotional clutter
· spiritual clutter
Don’t have time to read? Listen to this info on the go on my podcast here.
Today I want to talk about social clutter and how we have over-full calendars, endless to-do lists and not enough time for what is important to us as a result.
Be aware with this category of clutter we might enter into a bit of a tender and possibly challenging territory. I will never tell you to get rid of anything or anyone, my intention is simply to show you what the consequences are of not letting go of certain things, obligations and people.
First, a love tour
As always, let’s take a love tour first (if you don’t know what I mean, check out this article).
The love tour in this context is also a way of becoming aware how we feel about who and what we have in our life. Take a ‘love tour’ through the people and activities in your life. What do you love about your life, your family, your friends, your job or business?
Be present to the goodness in your life. Make a gratitude list in your journal of all the people and activities that light you up, that fuel you and bring you happiness and joy.
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Don’t skip this part!
Once you’ve done your social love tour, once you’ve written down your gratitude list, you move on to the stressful side of our social life and calendar.
What are your priorities?
Our schedules are full, often overfull and our lives get cluttered with obligations and relationships and some of them might not be so joyful, maybe unloving or even toxic.
We often have so many things to do and people in our life that we don’t really appreciate the single occasion or the individual person anymore. Instead, we are overwhelmed by the sheer amount of appointments lined up in our calendar and life and we rush from one to the next without much thought and/or awareness.
Remember: Clutter is really anything that no longer serves a useful, joyful or meaningful purpose in your life. It is anything that does not truly support you and the life you want to live.
But do you know what life you want to live? Do you know what your priorities are? Are you clear what your priorities are at this time in your life or at this stage of your life?
Unless we are clear about our priorities and are aligning our calendar and social network accordingly, life takes over: work, school, chores, outside demands, and we lose sight of what is important to us.
Take a few minutes and think about what your priorities are. You can stop reading right now, and do it now, or you can do it later, but I’d like to encourage you to not skip it and really write down your 3-5 top priorities in your life right now.
Assessing your schedule
Then, when you have your priorities identified, spend some time looking at your upcoming calendar and assessing your commitments and activities and ask yourself,
- Does my calendar reflect these priorities?
- Where does it reflect them and where does it not?
- Where can I say a wholehearted ‘yes’?
- Where is it time to say no?
When you have clarity about your priorities, it’s easier to become aware of what your yes or no might really mean for you. Because when we say yes to one thing, we are saying no to something else.
For example, saying ‘yes’ to helping out a friend (while a very kind thing to do) might mean saying ‘no’ to time for your family, for yourself, or time for a priority in your life.
The reverse is also true. When we say ‘no’ to one thing we can be saying “yes” to something else. For example, saying “no” to a new contract may mean saying “yes” to more time and freedom.
James Clear who wrote the bestselling book Atomic Habits puts the yes/no dilemma this way:
When you say no, you are only saying no to one option.
When you say yes, you are saying no to every other option.
Take action, start decluttering
When you really get clear on your priorities and clear on when you want to say yes and when you want to say no, you made a big step forward. From here it’s easier – I didn’t say easy, I said easier – to take action and start saying no.
Saying no can be really hard, many of us are people pleasers or peacemakers and we have a hard time saying no. We might even be thinking saying no is selfish and we can’t ever say no (that’s mental clutter, btw).
But if you want to align your calendar and social life with your priorities and have a fulfilled life, you will have to learn to say no.
Let’s try again, review your upcoming calendar or schedule again. What do you want to say more ‘yes’ to? Can you make room for it by saying ‘no’ to something else?
After identifying your true yeses and where you would rather say no in the future, what you do now is, identifying one or two areas where you can start making small changes toward more satisfaction.
Take at least one (small) step toward creating a schedule that supports what you truly want. It may take some time to weed your way through all your current obligations and make a bigger shift. Remember, it’s all about small but consistent steps.
Let’s summarize
When you try to make everyone happy, you can end up being unhappy yourself.
Reconsider the people and activities that weigh you down. Make a list of the people who drain you. who are the ones that are constantly negative, or with whom you engage only because you feel obligated?
- Take a love tour through your calendar, the people and activities in your life.
- Make a ‘gratitude list’ in your journal of all the people and activities that light you up and bring you happiness and joy.
- Identify and write down your 3-5 priorities for your life and compare your calendar and your social circle with your priorities and ask yourself do they align?
- Identify what you want to say more ‘yes’ to and make room for it by saying ‘no’ to something else. What and who are the activities and people who drain you and you only engage with because you feel obligated and find ways to reduce the time you spend with these people or on these activities
- Start with baby steps and on a daily basis ask yourself how can you change your schedule so it’s aligned with your priorities and reflect what you truly want. Where can you say no to have room to say yes to the things that light you up and bring you joy and happiness.
As always, don’t just read this blog, go take action, start decluttering and make space in your home, office, files, finances and calendar to create the life you love and aligns with your priorities.
A few minutes a day keeps the chaos away.
CONNY GRAF
Conny Graf is a Swiss certified Expert in Finance & Accounting, a certified Clutter Clearing Practitioner, Astrologer, Coach, Podcaster and the founder and owner of From Chaos to Peace Consulting Inc.
She’s helping people create supportive, clutter-free environments in their home, office, files, and finances but more importantly, she helps them develop habits and systems that prevent clutter from creeping back in. Clutter Clearing is not just about purging and organizing, it’s about exploring and releasing the limiting beliefs we tell ourselves and the stories that keep us stuck in the past. Dealing with clutter brings us up-to-date with who we are right now and where we are heading in your life and business while being organized is simply a side-effect.
Her mission is to help people understand that decluttering is self-love, and a few minutes a day keep the clutter away. Come on a journey from chaos to peace with ease.
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