This is the second part of my special 2-part series on setting boundaries for Busy Moms.
Last week, in Free-up Your Time By Learning to Set 3 Important Boundaries for Busy Moms – Part 1, I covered the first two types of boundaries busy moms need to set: Saying, “no,” to yourself about some of the tasks on your “to-do” list and delegating some of those tasks to others.
This week I’m talking about why asking for what you want is the third important boundary for Busy Moms to set. I also give you a step-by-step process to figure out which tasks to do, which to ditch, and which to delegate.
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
Asking for what you want is a form of boundary setting. It is also essential to the process of delegation.
People don’t know that you would like them to do something unless you ask. This is especially true if they are used to you doing almost everything! Please do not expect them to just know that you need them to take something on.
In the early years of my marriage, I took on a lot of the household tasks because my husband was not doing them. I also thought he would get upset with me if I asked him to do more. I had it in my mind that because he worked full-time, and I worked part-time, I “should” do more than him – never mind the fact that I was pregnant (and then had a small child); I was commuting to two different colleges to teach; AND I was trying to finish my Ph.D dissertation!
The real problem was that I didn’t sit down and ask him to do more. Instead, I huffed and resented that he couldn’t just see that I was overworked and exhausted. When I eventually learned to have conversations with him about my wants and needs we were able to figure out together how to address them. He did take on more around the house and we decided to hire a housekeeper to come in to help with the cleaning.
Setting a boundary by asking for what I wanted was transformational. I was able to free-up my time enough to go to yoga every week, something that is the essence of self-care for me.
When I was huffing and puffing in resentment, I would often demand things of my hubby. Sometimes I would yell at him about not helping me. Those tactics usually did not work. And, when they did, the help was short-lived because my husband was then in a place of resentment. Yelling and demanding is never a good way to bring about results, especially with someone like my husband whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation!
Want to learn more about Gary Chapman’s Love Languages? Find all of the books HERE
YOU CAN SET BOUNDARIES TO FREE-UP YOUR TIME
Take a good look at all of the tasks you believe you need to do. Write them down on lists of daily, weekly, monthly and even yearly tasks. When you see all of your tasks listed on a piece of paper (or on a computer screen) it will help you conceptualize how much you are doing.
In some cases you may look at the lists and you will realize that you really are not doing that much. If this is your situation. If you find yourself feeling exhausted at the end of each day, but you don’t know what you accomplished that day, I have a different exercise for you. Come back next month to find out what that looks like!
If you look at the list and you are either surprised at how much is on it, or you are not surprised but you realize it’s too much, it’s time to triage the list!
- Step 1.) Use a highlighter or make a mark next to each task that you really enjoy doing.
- Step 2.) Use a different colored highlighter, or a different mark, to indicate which tasks you don’t enjoy, but they really need to be done – hint: Feeding the kids really needs to be done, daily vacuuming does not. (Unless you have a lot of shedding dogs).
- Step 3.) Use a third color of highlighter, or a third type of mark, to indicate any tasks that are still left on your list. These are tasks that you do not enjoy and that do not need to be done.
- Step 4.) Draw a line through each of the tasks in Step 3. These are things you are doing for no reason. You get to mark them off your list for good.
- Step 5.) Look at the tasks you highlighted in Step 2. Make a new list of those tasks. But, this time you are going to indicate if the task is something you are going to do or if it’s something you are going to delegate to someone else. With the tasks you are going to delegate to someone else, write that person’s name by the task.
- Step 6.) Ask the person, or people, to whom you are delegating the tasks to please do them. Feel free to explain to them that you are asking them to do this because you need to take some things off of your plate and that you trust them to do this particular task well. Remember, compliments are motivating!
- Step 7.) Do this exercise over until you free-up enough time in your schedule to take care of yourself and to fill some of that freed-up time with things that bring you meaning and joy! Write those things down on your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly lists!
The time you spend assessing your task list will free-up far more time in your schedule, on an ongoing basis, than the initial time investment you are making in this exercise. In other words, I know you are busy, but take the time to do this! It will make a HUGE difference in your life!
And guess what else? YOU ARE WORTH IT!
If you need a little more guidance in this process, or you are still struggling with freeing-up some time in your schedule, try out my Breaking Busy Online Mini Course: 5 Simple Steps to Slow Down, Rise Up and Feel More in Control of Your Life! It’s only $27 – you can afford it. And again, you are worth it!
Let me know how it goes! Join my Free Facebook Group: The Busy Moms Support Tribe and give The Tribe a shout to let us all know how you are doing with this exercise! We are all about support and accountability!
From my heart to yours,
Jen
P.S. If you have some challenges with communicating your delegation needs, this blog covers my 5 Strategies for Mindful Communication. It will give you the tools you need to delegate with grace AND effectiveness!
JEN ROBINSON
Jen Robinson is the creative force behind the wellness brand Peaceful Living Wellness which is dedicated to providing a wide-variety of high-quality wellness information. Jen is also the creator of the Peaceful Living Wellness life coaching division, and offers workshops, individual and group coaching as well as retreats where she guides women in using Mindfulness and Mindset to build their inner strength on a foundation of inner peace. Jen also is the co-creator of the business coaching brand CEO Mindset that guides entrepreneurs in building their businesses without burning out.
The latest addition to her repertoire is that she recently signed-on as the Wellness Director for the business development company Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs . She is very excited to be leading this group of dynamic women entrepreneurs into success in their businesses and lives!
The most important part of Jen’s life are her two very active teenagers, AJ & Layna!
Jen’s Mindfulness and Mindset techniques inform her business, her parenting and her life!
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